PHenry Wants to Know… – IOTW Report

PHenry Wants to Know…

Sunday, 23 October 2022, 16:36 BFH Uncategorized 99

Thought for a slow news day, if such a thing exists anymore,  it might be fun to ask the community what the dumbest songs of all time are and why?

I was mindlessly blowing leaves and for some reason The Who song Pinball Wizard entered my empty brain.  A deaf, dumb and blind kid wins at pinball.  How stupid is that song?

The other stupid song is Thin Lizzy Jailbreak.  Tonight there’s gonna be  Jailbreak somewhere in this town. 

Hey dumbass.  It’s not hard.  Jailbreaks occur at the jail. 

-PHenry

To be clear, the premise is not BAD SONGS. The premise is, well, about STUPID PREMISES for songs. – bfh

99 Comments on PHenry Wants to Know…

  3. “Imagine there’s no heaven…”

    Think of what the real consequences would be of a purely Hedonistic Planet.

    The premise of the song is exactly the OPPOSITE of the result.

    25

  21. Someone knockin’ at the door
    Somebody ringin’ the bell
    Someone’s knockin’ at the door
    Somebody ringin’ the bell
    Do me a favor
    Open the door, and let ’em in
    Ooh yeah, yeah, let ’em in now

    15

  27. Think of the theme song for, “Dallas.”

    Sum, es, est,
    Sumus, estis, sunt …
    Is how to con-ju-gate be.

    Sum, es, est,
    Sumus, estis, sunt …
    In Latin if you do or don’t please.

    In memory of Bee English,
    Latin Teach Extraordinaire,
    Lake Travis High School — RIP

    1

  35. General Malaise
    OCTOBER 23, 2022 AT 4:49 PM
    “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”

    …when I was a kid, I went to a friend’s birthday party at which my girlfriend said she’d get there separately.

    She sure did.

    Her boyfriend drove her there.

    I’ve been able to identify with this song ever since.

    3

  38. Last one from me.

    “Everything I do, I do it for you” by Brian Adams.

    Everything?

    Really?

    You eat lunch for her?

    Take crap for her?

    Pick your nose for her?

    It just isn’t remotely possible for it to be true.

    And it wouldn’t be healthy if it WAS.

    4

  41. How can anyone look at this line and think anything other than “That makes no sense! That’s STUPID!”

    He is trampling out the vintage
    where the grapes of wrath are stored

  44. SNS

    “Wet ass pussy” by Nicki Minaj

    ‘nuff said.

    =============

    Slight correction

    Cardi B. Song

    I actually admire you more for getting it wrong. If you know what I mean.

    7

  45. Dadof4
    OCTOBER 23, 2022 AT 8:24 PM
    “SNS

    “Wet ass pussy” by Nicki Minaj

    ‘nuff said.

    =============

    Slight correction

    Cardi B. Song

    I actually admire you more for getting it wrong. If you know what I mean.”

    Thanks. They’re all pretty much identical from my point of view, the only reason I know them at all is because of the younger African Americans who don’t keep their “music” to themselves in the parking lot at work…

    4

  51. @ SNS

    Thank you for not being offended. Surely was not intended..

    Your point about them all sounding the same is why I had some admiration for you on this. If you truly knew the difference/nuance between the songs and artists, that would tell me something about you that doesn’t really match up, as far as I’m concerned

    5

  52. “Like a dog without a bone
    An actor out on loan
    Riders on the storm

    There’s a killer on the road
    His brain is squirmin’ like a toad
    Take a long holiday
    Let your children play
    If you give this man a ride
    Sweet memory will die
    Riders on the storm”

    they used to tell me, all of the time, what a poet genius this man was …. yeah

    2

  55. Bruce Springsteen. “Hey little girl is Your daddy home
    girl,
    Did he go and leave you all alone? Mhmm
    I got a bad desire
    Oh, oh, oh, I’m on fire
    Tell me now, baby, is he good to you?
    And can he do to you the things that I do?

    beyond stupid, creepy and cringy

    5

  57. MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I’ll never have that recipe again

    4

  58. “Every Breath You Take”- The Police. Anthem of every modern stalker.
    “Don’t Worry Be Happy”- Bobby McFarren. A study in idiocy.
    “Wildfire”- Michael Martin Murphy. The dumbest song about a horse ever conceived.
    “Last Kiss”- Originally by Wayne Cochran & for some stupid reason covered by Pearl Jam.

    2

  59. This may not be popular.

    “girls, girls, girls” by Mötley Crüe.

    Context.

    A 60 year old out of shape fatass, that should have given birth 30 years ago, with gray hair and beard, playing that song at 11 on his Hogley Stevenson rolling down Main street at 25 MPH.

    Just sayin.

    1

  66. Brad, I don’t follow your point. You beg to differ what? That he isn’t Mel Blanc or that he isn’t a musical artist? Because he isn’t either. I realize that the video is legit – in that he is singing a song from the perspective of Tweety Bird, but that’s as far it goes.

    Besides, my comment was a merely a joke referring to Steyn’s musical ability and choice of lyrics, nothing more.

    2

  67. “Cherry Hill Park”- Billy Joe Royal. Literally a song about all of the boys in the town having a turn at the town pump that is “Mary Hill”. That idiotic song gave sluts the world over a bad name.

    1

  73. ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’

    Paul McCartney whimsical ditty about a serial killer beating people’s brains out w/ his hammer (& you thought Lennon was the sick one!)

    Lennon & Harrison hated it & hated McCartney’s insistence on the endless rehearsal takes

    5

  97. One more for me.

    “Tom’s Diner” by Suzanne Vega/DNA

    It’s just an acapella rendering of someone watching mundane stuff with a dance beat under it that doesn’t even rhyme sometimes.

    Anyone can do it.

    About any average thing.

    “do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo dooo

    I am sitting on the toilet
    Looking at the toilet paper
    I am thinking it needs more plies
    For the mess that I am making

    And I’m contemplating if there
    Is enough to get the job done
    ’cause the roll is rather small
    and the paper core is near

    do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo dooo

    As I’m sitting on my toilet
    I hear hurried footsteps nearby
    Then a sudden knock on the door
    It’s some one who wants to use it

    But Im nowhere near completed
    So I have to say I’m in there
    Then they curse me very breifly
    Then I hear them rush away

    do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo dooo

    Now I thihk that I am pooed out
    So I get to do the wiping
    I roll up onto the left cheek
    Then the toilet seat shifts over
    Because someone didn’t tell me
    That the screws on it had worked loose
    So it nearly dumps me into
    The shower stall nearby

    do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo dooo

    So
    I
    Tip my butt more slowly
    Then I roll some from the spindle
    It breaks off after just one sheet
    There is no way this will do it

    So I have to sit back fully
    So I can roll off enough so
    That I can completely wipe it
    And not leave skid marks instead

    do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo dooo

    So I’m finished with that portion
    But I have to stand up slowly
    Because both my legs are sleepy
    From the sitting I’ve been doing

    And I have to let them wake up
    Before I can turn and flush it
    But it’s too much for the toilet
    So it doesn’t all go down

    do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo dooo

    Then I grasp the nearby plunger
    Since I haven’t washed my hands yet
    Then I push the load most firmly
    But not so much I get wet

    Then the cloggage finally clears
    And the toilet fully flushes
    So I rinse the plunger in it
    Then Lysol it away

    do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo dooo

    So
    I

    Am now rid of my poo
    But my hands are still not freshened
    So I go to use the sink and
    Someone used up all the soap there

    But there’s a plunger nearby
    That holds the liquid kind I don’t like
    But its beats just using nothing
    So I lather up my hands

    do do do doo do do dooo do do doo do do do doo doo

    Now that my hands are so sparkly
    I can towel them till they don’t drip

    And I gooo out to the hallllllway…

    I’ll…be…back in a few houuuuurrsss…”

    (if you don’t know the song…)

    https://youtu.be/FLP6QluMlrg

    1

  99. To PHenry, regarding the song that started this.

    …now, as far as “Pinball Wizard” is concerned, it WOULD be possible for a deaf, dumb, and blind kid to play pinball in the ’70’s IF someone explained it to him beforehand, because machines of that era had mechanical linkages to the flippers and there WOULD be tactile feedback from this that someone who’s sense of touch is sharpened by the loss of some other senses MIGHT be able too capitalize on. Obviously he would have no ability to know how sucessful he was or was not without someone else with a tactile rapport with him to conveyo that information, but it WOULD be possible for him to be purely reactive to that contact.

    The part that’s far more concerning about the album “Tommy” in general is the fact that much of album is about the titular character being moslested by his uncle, who actually gloats on the fact that the deaf, dumb, and blind kid can’t sense his assaults coming or report on them when they are over.

    Apparently audiences of the era were not paying attention to what was said, because they – SHOULD – have been HORRIFED by such lyrics as this;

    “I’m your wicked Uncle Ernie
    I’m glad you won’t see or hear me
    As I fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about
    Your mother left me here to mind you
    Now I’m doing what I want to
    Fiddling about, fiddling about, fiddle about
    Down with the bedclothes
    Up with your nightshirt
    Fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about
    Fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about
    You won’t shout as I fiddle about
    Fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about
    Fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about
    Fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about
    Fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about
    Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle”
    -The Who, “Fiddle Around”

    …but I guess the tunes were good and everyone got stoned at the (pre-music video) midnight movie that accompanied the score, so litte was made about it even though “Uncle Ernie” appears later during his pinball sucess and even as a pinball camp counselor who disables guests so he can also molest them, always, there, always touching…

    “Tommy: Now you can’t hear me,
    Your ears are truly sealed.
    You can’t speak either,
    Your mouth is filled.
    You can’t see nothing,
    And pinball completes the scene.
    Here comes Uncle Ernie to guide you to
    Your very own machine.”
    -The Who, “We’re Not Gonna Take It”

    …so there’s a LOT to not like about “Tommy” that is far worse than that particular party anthem song, but because it had a happy beat it was likely an early effort to desensitize kids to the horrors of child molesting and DISABLED child molesting, and it apparently worked becasue here we are with an illegally installed pedophile figurehead and everyone KNOWS it.

    Sorry to end on a down note, but this thread is over anyway.

    it was fun while it lasted.

    Thanks, BFH.

    1

Comments are closed.

iOTWreport.com ©2024 ----- iOTWreport is not responsible for the content of comments. All opinions in comments are solely the commenter's.