From Anymouse
Barring a few, and with a tweak here and there, this sounds like a good list for daughters, as well.
RULES FOR SONS:
1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.
3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.
4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
5. Request the late check-out.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard…
8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
9. Play with passion or not at all…
10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.
11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.
15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.
16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone…
17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
18. Never turn down a breath mint.
19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.
22. Eat lunch with the new kid.
23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.
25. Manners maketh the man…
26. Give credit. Take the blame.
27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.
28. Write down your dreams.
29. Always protect your siblings (and teammates).
30. Be confident and humble at the same time.
31. Call and visit your parents often. They miss you.
32. The healthiest relationships are those where you’re a team; where you respect, protect, and stand up for each other.
Plenty of good stuff there.
Number 6. Yes. Do not fail at this. Do not use any information you gain at this to your advantage.
Number 4 is stupid. Know what something is worth to you and never give more than that.
Number 16 is difficult for most people. Takes practice.
Number (33). If you give your word, keep it. Never negotiate with yourself on this. Your word should mean more to you, and others, than any piece of paper you sign.
All of these things I have tried with humble and Fatherly aplomb to inculcate in all of my children.
“The first stage in the corruption of morals is the banishment of truth …”
Michel de Montaigne
As usual, the most important rule is not mentioned: Keep your word.
They also forgot: When the government is involved if it’s optional, don’t do it.
Do not write down anything that’s optional. Any record you make is property of the state.
Number (34). You are the guardian of innocents. You stand between them and those who would harm them. At any cost.
Numbah 27.
Lifelong hobby or habit. I enjoy it.
BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY AS HELL.
Amen to #12, those A-holes always seem to sit next to me.
Rule 32: do NOT get involved with any woman who is a feminist: she will destroy your dreams. All of them.
Rule 33: if it’s too good to be true, it ain’t true. (Applies double for females.)
Rule 34: date within your league. You’ll be happier, even if you make it big.
I add this one: If something has sexual content, try to ignore it and forget it.
Rule 35: never lend a friend or family member money unless you are content on never seeing the money again.
Rule 36: if you must lend money, get colatteral four times the value. If the borrower won’t give it, they never intended on paying you back.
Rule 37: learn to survive in a street fight.
Rule 38: when in doubt, join the military. It’ll make a man or woman out you. If it doesn’t, imagine how bad off you’d be by now if you didn’t join.
Rule 39: never let your children bully you. About ANYTHING. But when you are wrong, admit it.
Rule 40: read some kind of how-to, science, law book or the like before you go to bed. You’ll wake-up with a marketable skill.
Rule 41: Teach your children not to trust the news or bureaucrats or their teachers when it comes to politics. Explain that these people are getting paid ridiculous amounts of money to lie to them, and that these propagandists cannot get as high-paying jobs outside of corrupt news, educational and government organizations.
Rule 42: real men aren’t intimidated by women in situations where they wouldn’t otherwise be intimidated by a man.
Rule 43: Good women want good men. Keep looking till you find one, but NEVER settle for less. Being alone on earth is better than being a couple in hell.
Rule 44: find a higher power, whether it be a humanistic God or a humanistic creed. You’ll never be lost or led astray.
Rule 45: Learn how to hunt. It’ll teach you incredible patience.
Rule 46: Cram in all the educational degrees you can while you are young, because you just might want to make a living with them doing something completely different when you get older.
What’s with all these rules, man? God Himself only needed ten.
Rule 47: Never buy underwear on sale: there is a 99% chance there is a seam sewn down the middle of the front.
Rule 48: If you buy underwear that has a seam sown down the middle of the crotch, you will find out – the hard way.
Rule 49: After you discover the underwear you bought on sale has a seam down the middle of the crotch, take it off as soon as possible throw it – and all undewear like it that you may own – in the trash.
“What’s with all these rules, man? God Himself only needed ten…”
God gave us Ten Commandments, but he also made parents. Parents need as much wisdom as they can get.
Don’t order a drink for the road because the road is already laid out.
(Flip Wilson)
Rule 50: Never stop seeking wisdom. Wisdom is a never-ending search. The moment you do is the very moment you stop being wise.
Rule 51: if you think wisdom is a never ending search, try the search for the ultimate guitar tone.
Rule 50: When commenting on a blog post, never do it anonymously.
^ That was me.
Hehehehe.
“Being alone on earth is better than being a couple in hell.”
Now you tell me.
This is suddenly starting to resemble the employee Manual for Star Bucks Baristas
Never tell a friend something you don’t want his wife to know.
Be a Hank, not a Dean.
“23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it. ”
…good advice for ADULTS, too.
…AND for commenters…
…nice to see you in here, @Anymouse. Don’t be a stranger…
@ anon 6:05
Never not lend someone short term money that you want to get rid of in your life. They won’t be back.
Rule #00
If you loan someone 20 bucks and never see’em again…..It was probably worth it.
A lot it common with those and the Codes of Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and Tom Mix. Lazlo has no sons, only Nephews. I expend my fatherly advice on Angus the dog. He tolerates it.
I’ve followed Rule #23 many, many times
instead, I come here to spout off … thank all of you, especially Fur & the Crew, for your indulgence
4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer. –
Because this happens:
Q: “How much do you want?”
A: – How much do you have?
lol
Press Check every morning. It could save your life.
Rule number (?): Don’t comment on political blogs if you are a public figure, unless you do so annonymously. If anyone on the blog complains, immediately do a press check, and in their general direction.
Great list.
I’ll add these few:
“Never do what your GRANDMOTHER wouldn’t do.”
“Don’t take any wooden nickels”.
“Too old too fast, to wise too late”.
“Always wear clean underwear”. (I think this is an old reference to the Depression Era or something?)
Thanks Dad and Mom and @Anymouse and @BFH.
Above all, the fantastic list above?
Wash your hands first!! That Hankerchief in #13 has Covid-19…
Number 14 is the truth when you marry a girl you definitely get the rest of the family especially when she had 6 brothers and 2 sisters. I couldn’t have asked for a better father or mother in law, however some of her siblings are still jerks.