Saturday Matinee Madness – IOTW Report

Saturday Matinee Madness

PHenry’s email:

Movie plot synopses:
I’ve been playing with my sisters all week   Pick a movie and write a brief synopsis of the plot. 
I can see your crowd entertaining us. 


For example, Cast Away
A poor volleyball named Wilson goes down in a plane crash and is marooned with the idiot, Tom Hanks. 
Happy ending.  Volleyball escapes. 

50 Comments on Saturday Matinee Madness

  1. The China Syndrome

    In a post-apocalyptic world where the population everywhere has crashed, only the non-vaccinated have survived. Life demands hard work but the people cooperatively build a better world without all the collectivists and the stupid.

    25
  2. The Mask

    The story of how an ancient and possessed mask keeps planting itself on Joe Biden’s face at entirely random and usually inappropriate times without any explanation.

    12
  3. Demolition Man
    Society is strictly controlled
    There are fines for using the wrong words.
    Police speak in firm tones to stop murderdeathkill
    A group of patriots who refuse to be emasculated and controlled live underground
    The ruling elite don’t like that one bit
    They hire someone to kill the patriot leader.
    One rogue cop stands up to the ruling elite and takes out the hired gun (FBI agent?)
    Whew!
    Society has a chance.

    8
  4. Pandemic
    People get sick from a mysterious disease
    The military shuts the town off and lies to the media who repeat the lie.
    A couple of actual scientists find the monkey with what turns out is a result of “gain of function” aka biological weapon research.
    The real scientists are censored.
    The govt tries to stop them from finding an actual cure.
    Is is Ivermectin or Hydroxychloroquine? Whatever. They find it.
    Biological weapon stopped.

    5
  5. “Titanic”

    The story of how a rich girl got successfully laid.

    Yeah, a bunch of people died later, including her boyfriend, but who cares, they were mostly poor people anyway so screw ’em.

    14
  6. How about a mashup:

    “Up It”

    A young boy is lured to an old man’s house with balloons. The old man turns into a demon, and his house suddenly floats away, buoyed by the balloons. A battle between the boy and the demonic entity ensues high in the air.

    1
  7. “The Manchurian Candidate (2020)”

    An updating of the classic with the eponymous “candidate” being a senile pedophile ruled by a shrew with a lack of ethics or conscience that would horrify Lady Macbeth.

    9
  8. Star Wars

    Hollywood leftists are dismayed that movie-goers won’t pay good money to see their woke and humorless fare but instead pack theaters showing revivals of The Patriot and old Westerns. James Woods and Mel Gibson lead a small but growing troop of real American heroes to round up the prog stars and ship them to Venezuela and Cuba.

    5
  9. Independence Day

    A rouge asteroid crashes into the Capital building during the State of the Union Address (which had been boycotted by 75 % of Republicans who are non-rinos) killing everyone inside and allowing the American government to be rebuilt with Ted Cruz and Ron Paul in charge.

    12
  10. Wizard of Oz: The leader is revealed to be a demented old fraud, and the regular folks discover they have had the power to control their own lives all along. The wicked witch just hangs around cackling for no particular reason, and the only people who follow her are a bunch of brainless monkeys.

    Uh…sorry – that’s the actual plot (in addition to being the state of the US).

    9
  11. The Fugitive: The FBI frames Dr. Kimble for murder and treason and Dr. Kimble is summarily executed, while Dr. Nichols uses the FDA and the CDC to make a fortune marketing a drug that doesn’t work (less 10% to “the Big Guy”). The Big Guy’s son makes several cameos involving hookers and cocaine, but everyone ignores this plot point.

    4
  12. The Good the Bad and the Ugly:

    A Good Guy, a bad guy and an ugly face off in the West.

    Hang’em High:

    Because hanging them low didn’t work. They just stood there with a noose around his neck looking bored.

    8
  13. Waterworld.

    Kevin Costner and pirate-y guys forced to live at sea after all the glaciers melt and the sea levels rise.

    Then there is this really loud snoring sound.

    Oh wait. Maybe that was me.

    Sorry.

    6
  14. “Covid Hand Sanitizer From Hell”

    A story about the day when the non-government approved, quickly rushed into service hand sanitizer caused everyone’s hands to grow eyes and a mouth and then melt.

    1
  15. The Shining.

    Romantic comedy about a family who carves out some quality family time together to enjoy the quiet and solitude in an old inn.

    Dad gets a little grumpy at the end.

    8
  16. Predator
    Lonely alien seeks companionship and ESL lessons in a foreign and intimidating jungle. Insensitive human soldier with toxic masculinity judges it by its looks, stalks it through the scary jungle, and devises hideous traps, eventually killing it with a primitive drone.

    5
  17. A Bridge Too Far

    Immigrants from Central America begin to establish a city under a bridge in Texas only to discover it in a conservative county who doesn’t want them there.

    Border agents give their horses ivermectin after every shift to counter disease.

    3
  18. Animal Farm
    Animals have feelings.
    They don’t want to be eaten any more.
    They want humans to be vegans.
    Farmer lets them have their way.
    The spirit of Obama possesses the biggest pig and turns the farm into a communist utopia.
    The place goes down the tubes.

    1
  19. SIGNS
    Strange, deadly creatures invade Earth and Earthlings have to cower in their basements and defend themselves with baseball bats since the New World Order took all their guns away.

    2
  20. @marooned. I didn’t see that movie. Is it like Alice B. Toklas?

    No. I get your point. Where does this spam come from?

    Just by the way, I made $1 in real estate. Ask me how. Lol.

  21. Harold and Maude.
    Typical drug addled 1970s movie, implausible in every respect. Soundtrack by a guy who would eventually convert to Islam. Total waste of time.

    Anti-rich. Anti-mil.

    Whoever wrote this movie should be torn asunder by wild dogs.

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