ArtOfManliness: Yesterday while making small talk with the guy working the deli counter at my neighborhood grocery store, I asked him something that made me feel like a total heel. So I felt inspired to sit down and hammer out a short and simple article on 5 questions I have found are best to avoid asking altogether, as they have a significant chance of leading to awkwardness and the insertion of one’s foot into one’s mouth.
Out of experience, never ‘sniff’, “what is that ghastly aroma?”
My son who is expecting his first kid, a girl in July just asked his pregnant wife or told her she was starting to show and looking like she’s pregnant. Boy did he learn quickly that she wasn’t happy when he asked her that. And it’s only beginning for him and I got a good laugh out of that. You learn to not to tick off your pregnant wife by making seemingly innocent comments like that.
These are the kind of questions I’d never ask in the first place. Just shows to go you. Kids these days.
Loco, you reminded me of something. A while back I’d asked a coworker “Can you smell that? Smells like burning rubber.” Turned out it was her just-heated meal.
Yeah. Second question is a doozy. I’ve been truly amazed at the epic cluelessness of some people.
I still don’t know why my brother and his wife never had kids. I would never ask anyone; not even my brother. When I was expecting, my sister–in-law gave me all of the little baby things she had been saving, apparently in anticipation of a baby of her own. I saw her eyes welling up with tears and I pretended not to see and she got control and never said anything. I felt so sad because they would have been good parents and I would love to have an aunt to the kids. 🙁
Worse that #5 is asking “when are you due?”, indicating there is no doubt of the pregnancy.
A Z???
AKA How to handle pearl clutchers.
Most are set up to lead you to ask the questions.
“I went to Minnesota last week.”
That is going to generate more interest. He wasn’t up front at first about the funeral – that’s what made it awkward.
As for #5
Hoo boy. I either stepped in a big pile one time or she was effn with me. Still don’t know to this day.
I was in an OB/GYN office waiting area for my wife’s checkup. While she was in the exam room there was a moment of interchange between me and a woman seated behind me. She looked to be in her last month and due soon.
SHE LOOKED ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER PREGNANT WOMAN THERE! The proportions were perfect. She did not look fat.
I’M IN AN OB/GYN OFFICE.
I’M SURROUNDED BY PREGNANT WOMEN.
Small talk. Time filler. Being nice to a stranger.
‘So, when are you due?’ I said.
“I’m not pregnant.”
‘Oh. Sorry. It’s just.. nvm’ (turn back facing forward and remains silent the rest of the visit)
@Dadof4, uh oh. I think many of us have done that and learned a lesson. I have a neighbor who absolutely looks like she is in month 8 headed for 9 except she is 72. Wheat belly, beer belly or something.
I’ll add a #6. Don’t ask the person buying baby or children’s’ clothing if it’s for their grandchild. It’s really embarrassing when person turns out to be 30.
Also don’t assume the kid with the middle aged/old fart is a grandchild and not a child.
“What happened, man, get hold of a bad dick?
You’re awfully skinny.”
“Damn! Were you born this ugly?”
“Have you thought about having that removed?”
“Did your parents tell you you’d grow into that nose?”
izlamo delenda est …
I would think the easiest way to avoid this is to let the mommets talk. A person who wants to talk will babble without prompting.
Small talk turns my stomach.
Safe answers would be:
I don’t give a fuck?
Why are you talking to me?
Ain’t that something?
Gee wilikers!
Hey, did I mention that I don’t give a fuck?
“You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.”
— Dave Barry
🙂
My pet peeve is not being asked specific questions but rather the assumption that I am Hispanic based on my surname. It’s actually Hungarian but is similar to a common Spanish surname. So all day long I have people coming up to me and asking me questions en Espanol. Or people tell me, “Funny you don’t LOOK Puerto Rican……” I tell them my dad used to go around beating up people who thought we were Puerto Rican.
When I lived in Brooklyn people used to come up to me babbling away in Polish. Apparently, I DO look like a Pole.
I stay away fro age, weight and hair. Wifey was burned on the ‘when are you due’ and she wasn’t, she was just a cow.