The Worst Halloween Candies

KFI AM 640 shares a list of the 20 worst Halloween candies.
I agree with the opinions about the candy dots that are stuck to paper (WHY???), Candy Necklaces, Smarties and Necco Wafers. To me, they are just dry and dusty shards of fruity kid’s toothpaste.

And don’t get me started on Good & Plenty. They taste like pieces of gum dipped in insulin, dipped in iodine and then dipped back into insulin. Gaahh! My mouth is watering just thinking about it. LOL!

How about you guys and gals?
(Yes, I assumed your genders)

78 Comments on The Worst Halloween Candies

  1. Candy corn. Circus peanuts. Peanut butter taffy that you can’t get the taste off your tongue except by eating another…

    12
  2. Candy Corn = overly sweet candle wax
    Whoppers = Stale bread dipped in pseudo-chocolate
    Three Musketeers and Milky Way = I’m just not a plain nougat fan.

    6
  3. I never give out any of those “20 Worst” candies on Halloween. I live in an iffy trick or treat area with few children so I buy candy I like.

    13
  4. Candy pumpkins. I could never understand them. I actually collected them for a few years x. Had a nice little pumpkin patch.

    Mrs. RadioMattM is English so she does not understand the concept of trick of treating at all. For the past few years our schedules have had us out of the house on the 31st anyway.

    I have noticed a law of nature when it comes to candy when we have been at home: if we don’t like the candy, hardly anyone comes to our door. If we like the candy, then the caravans of people heading to the southern border stop by our house first.

    16
  5. Kandy Korn, Swedish fish, wax lips…..

    You all are wrong about Whoppers….Put them in a plastic bag and crush them. Sprinkle on some good vanilla ice cream and you have a perfect vanilla/chocholate malt. Or do the same in a blender with a little milk…

    14
  6. Hey! Don’t touch my Necco’s or you die!

    But what about the BEST Halloween candy? The TV news in Seattle reports that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are #1. Me: Baby Ruth.

    I gotta run to the store now…

    15
  7. I must be “confectionery challenged”. I love candy corn and circus peanuts — smarties too. And those candy dots on paper — loved them as a kid but probably ate more paper than candy. Maybe I needed the fiber.

    14
  8. I have eaten and would eat all the candy on that list. It would take me about 3 years to eat one package of each on account of I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, which circles right around back to why I enjoy the “worst” candies.

    6
  9. @willysgoatgruff: I just tried the Whopper with milk in a blender you suggested and it was TERRIBLE. The tomatoes and onions weren’t too bad, but the sesame seed bun just made a big soggy mess. I probably shoulda had them hold the pickles, too.

    😉

    47
  10. If you like Payday bars, handful of candy corns and handful of peanuts…you’ll thank me later 😉

    Saltine Geoff…that’s hilarious. Poor kids probably never ran so fast to get to the crapper.

    11
  11. Any Willie Wonka hard candy or Bottle caps. They contain car wax amongst other mysterious ingredients. And don’t get me gummy anything! Yuck.

    7
  12. I’m not much of a candy eater, but that doesn’t mean I never eat any. Some of those items on the “20 worst” list I kinda like: Smarties are pretty tasty to me, and Milk Duds and Tootsie Rolls likewise because I don’t chew ’em but instead gently suck on them as they slowly melt away. I do love good butterscotch, but most Halloween-type butterscotch candies are artificial and awful¹.

    Finally, Good and Plenty, Mike ‘n’ Ike, candy corn, and similar small nasty bits make good ammo for finger & rubber band slingshot wars if you use a little piece of wrapper for the pouch.

    1. There used to be a British brand, Callard and Bowser IIRC, that made great butterscotch and terrific black licorice candies. *BREAK* I just did a search and they’re still around, and owned by Suchard. Now I’m going to have to see if they still make my favorites, and (unlikely) if they haven’t screwed with the recipe and made the stuff unpalatable.

    11
  13. Candied apples with double edge razor blades in them.

    Pixie sticks with 1/2 sugar and 1/2 laxative.

    Brownies with pot or sharpened jacks in them.

    M & M’s rolled in oil of poison ivy

    Sigh, some of my favorites.

    5
  14. I hate all things licorice and you’ve perfectly described the awfulness of Good&Plenty @MJA! There’s not many candies that I don’t like but that one is the worst. The other one is Bit O’Honey. I like the flavor but it’s a lot of work to chew. Is it really worth it when a Reese’s peanut butter cup is sitting right there? Um, nope!

    10
  15. LOL Vietvet!…leave it to you!…I’m guessin’ you won’t like my caramel Big Mac recipe either….

    13
  16. …any house who handed out root beer barrels as their candy of choice was worth an extra trick or treat visit. 👍

    15
  17. Candy corn was always my least favorite but the best was a gal that used to make candied apples with the hard red shells. She lived by a park. You would see all the kids over there eating their candy apples and then modifying their costumes using their pals stuff to try and go back to get another. All the kids knew about her place. She must have done hundreds of apples back then.

    14
  18. Back in the 70s I decided to only give out what I liked since it seemed a sin to give something I wouldn’t want.

    Snickers. Reese’s anything. Most name-brand candy bars – never 3 Musketeers.

    Always pays to get on the good side of those little devils, also.

    What’s sad is the last few years I get maybe two or three groups come by and that’s it. And I live in a family neighborhood.

    13
  19. I like Smarties. But quit them (temporarily) when we found out they were dissolving our daughter’s tooth enamel (!) She’s out of the house now, so Smarties make a reappearance now and then.

    Speaking of “now and then”, I always used to nickname “Now and Later” candies, “the candy that comes back”. Use your imagination.

    4
  20. For Halloween I make a bunch of little meatballs and put them on kabob sticks and hand those out. I haven’t had anyone come by in a few years.

    14
  21. How about those generic looking waxy ishbombs wrapped in either black or orange wrapper? Someone looked at all the competitors bringing game for 10/31 and said “I got this”. Just. Simply. Nasty.

    And change. Cant eat a dime, nickle…uh, thanks.

    8
  22. I’m with Bic. That “candy” is nasty enough that the manufacturer doesn’t even want to put their name on it. Half of it sticks to the paper. Plus there’s no way to determine how old it is.

    5
  23. We live in a n upscale neighborhood and the minivans full of brats run through demanding free stuff.
    We shut off outside lights and ignore the invasion.
    Besides, opening the door every few minutes isn’t compatible with having a Maltese dog. Enough said on that.

    9
  24. Chuckie, I learned the candy corn and peanuts trick when I lived in MN. But use dry roasted peanuts.

    I dislike any candy that uses coconut flakes.

    Smarties, yum! My co-worker laughed at me when he saw me sorting them by color. I laughed, too, then messed them up. After he left my office, I re-arranged them! Yeah, I’m weird.

    I had a friend who didn’t know what to wear to a Halloween party. Told her to tape Smartie rolls to her jeans and go as a smartie-pants. The next day, she told me it was a hit!

    Don’t know what to get this year. My two sisters and I moved to a new house last week. In the boonies, so might not get any kids. Better be prepared, anyway.

    10
  25. BTW, you learn NOT to eat Milk Duds, Sugar Babies and Rolo’s after they suck the fillings and crowns out of your mouth. It’s hard, buy you do it, realizing what that little box/bag of sweetness is really going to cost you. Likewise, I gave up popcorn because of nasty old maids.

    8
  26. I’m too late so no one will read this, but I love Smarties. But that doesn’t matter, I just love reading the above entries.

    11
  27. I love Smarties. Sure they’re dry, but if you lay them out on a glass coffee table, cut them thin and then use a straw to…what?

    O.k., I guess I love cocaine. Sorry.

    11
  28. Dadof4: What’s wrong with 3 Musketeers? Those and Crunch bars are my favourite, but for some reason 3 Musketeers are hard to find with Crunch not far behind, at least in the Great White North. When we go visit the grand babies we stock up on bags of the bite sized versions of both.

    6
  29. @even steven: “I hand out boxes of candy cigarettes.”

    You can still get those? When we were kids those were #1 to trade for. “Lucky Strike” Good candy, good times.

    11
  30. come on folks, we all know the worst Halloween candy is the stuff that’s home-made … popcorn balls, apples, little hand-packed bags of nuts, popcorn, chips, crumbly toffee, unwrapped hard candy, home-made fudge that looked like poodle turds … you know, all the stuff you trade to your little brother or sister

    10
  31. I don’t know, ΜΟΛΩΝ, there was an old lady in our neighborhood who handed out the best butterscotch popcorn balls and homemade chocolate chip cookies on the planet. But that was ‘old Seattle’ – before people had to lock their doors.

    12
  32. Will eat about any candy. Not fond of sugar babies, ate about 2# one time and got sick.
    The best for me are chocolate pecan turtles and the classic nigger baby.

    5
  33. You can still buy candy cigarettes, only they’re not called candy cigarettes anymore. They’re World’s King Size Candy. I sell them in my liquor store.

    9
  34. smarties are awesome. but the stupid little rolls slow you down.

    just don’t crush them up and snort them. that hurts.

    2
  35. I recall getting an apple…..with a penny inserted into the side. Even in the 3rd grade I knew it was unsanitary. (Probably got it from some pissed off democrat).

    Little girl knocks on door; trick or treat,
    Home owner; my what a cute little girl, as he drops an apple into her bag
    Little girl; Looks up at home owner and says; Big deal the apple, you broke my fucking cookie

    4
  36. Claudia, you probably wouldn’t like Idaho Spud candy bars. They sell them in this part of the country, they’re chocolate shaped spuds with a marshmallow chocolate center and covered with shredded coconut. I also like Almond Joy candy bars but that’s just me. My favorites are the chocolate covered Cadbury Easter eggs with the thin shell but they only sell them in the Spring.

    5
  37. I forgot to mention the crappy ones. Those mysterious black and orange wrapped peanut butter turds…straight to the trash . Circus peanuts, aka doorstops, were brought to school to pelt each other with them…fun times! Necco wafers, add them to the list.

    When I was a kid, I always liked the oddball stuff…Black Cow chocolate, Slow Pokes, Charleston Chews, Charms and Astro Pops (no, I wasn’t one of those retard kids that fell while eating one, piercing the roof of my mouth. If I wanted to cut up the roof of my mouth, I’d eat Capt. Crunch).

    4
  38. I did not like getting candy (candied?) apples. They always stuck to the inside of my bag of goodies. When I got home after a Holloween expedition, I would hold the bag upside down to empty out the contents, but the candy apples would stick inside the bag and make as big red mess.

    Licorice, I think, is made from a plant called Anis. Honestly. In the scrubby areas of California it grows profusely.

    1
  39. @Claudia:

    Smarties, yum! My co-worker laughed at me when he saw me sorting them by color. I laughed, too, then messed them up. After he left my office, I re-arranged them! Yeah, I’m weird.

    Yay! I thought I was the only Smarties sorter in the world! Before any of you other people snicker at this, there are some flavor combinations that are better than others. Pop a lemon and an orange in your mouth, tongue them back to left and right molars, and crunch them simultaneously. Delicious!

    7
  40. @Chuckie – I’ve always had a fondness for Charleston Chews. they were also a favorite of may late father’s. But for both of us, they had to go in the freezer first, then be cracked into bits.

    5
  41. RadioMattM OCTOBER 19, 2019 AT 6:25 PM

    Dadof4: What’s wrong with 3 Musketeers?

    Not a matter of something wrong with them.

    Didn’t like them – even though they were name-brand. They ranked below Almond Joy and Mounds. Didn’t buy those either.

    Remember – If I didn’t want to eat them, I didn’t buy them.

    Never said no one should like them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    4
  42. Most of the things on that list are candies I actually like, but of course, a few should be nuked out of existence. Anything black licorice (looking at you, Good & Plenty) or anything that’s meant to rip out fillings ala Jujubees should definitely get the axe.

    I was known as that guy who used to get 4 packs of Necco Wafers from the local Walgreens on a Friday night after going out for a few drinks. My loyalties run deep.

    2
  43. I ate most of these as a kid, mostly because that’s all I was able to get. I don’t buy them now (except Almond Joys)

    2
  44. Those old timey candy cigarettes always reminded me of the taste of Pepto Bismol. As a kid I never understood why my mom would give me a medicine that was SUPPOSED to keep me from throwing up that MADE me throw up!! She must have hated me, is what I thought at the time.

    Jaw breakers. Now there’s a waste of time. And the super huge ones? What’s that all about, anyway?

    Never liked any of those wax bottle thingies with colored sugar water in them, either.

    @Vietvet — I love you. If you ever find yourself without anyone to take you in in your old age, get ahold of us through Fur. Serious. I don’t know another living soul who is as funny as you are on such a regular basis.

    11
  45. Licorice lover here, too! Except that nasty salt stuff the British — allegedly — chew on with a pint.

    3
  46. Don’t know if mentioned prior (did not read every post). I can like pretty much any candy except the waxy ones, and the worst is the mini soda bottles made out of wax. You bite off the top and suck out the 2 drops of sugared liquid. What a waste.

    6
  47. I haven’t eaten (or smoked, remember those little puffs of powdered white smoke) a candy cigarette since I was a kid back in the 60’s but I do remember that they tasted like Pepto Bismol. And I remember Clark Bars as well.

    4
  48. Most wax candies are a lie.
    Just cheap stomach filler with sugar. Ugh.

    (I do love starbursts though.)

    1
  49. I don’t do Halloween because the Springfield people think it’s Halloween every day.

    Besides… a kid coming down my 1/4 mile long driveway would have to climb over 2 gates; fight hoards of coyotes, a bear, 3 huge dogs, 6 ducks, and a pond full of vipers. Oh, and if the kid fell in the ditch it would be lost forever. And it would have to cross a real graveyard… not likely to happen.

    3
  50. I lived across the street from the cemetery in Ephrata, Wa. for a while when I was a kid back in the early 60’s. I also had a very active imagination especially after dark but that’s a story for another day.

    4
  51. This one is right at the top of my north hill. I can see the top of one particular gravestone from my seat at the diner table.

    3
  52. It has always been a bone of contention here…

    When I have something shipped I tell the porter to drive to the Arden Cemetery and keep going.

    “What? The Cemetery road ends at the Cemetery.”

    “No, it doesn’t. Drive to the graveyard gate and keep going past the 200 year old oak.”

    “I’ve lived here 56 years and there’s nothing past that oak but a pasture. I got stuck in that pasture trying to turn my truck around in 1982.”

    I had the UPS logistics guy tell me there were 4 or 5 houses back there. “Nah, man, I’m the only one.”

    “Are you sure?”

    “Yes, I’m sure. There may be three names associated to the domicile — my name, my wife’s name, and my son’s name, but there is, indeed, only one address past that oak tree.”

    Directions in rural MO. HAA!

    4
  53. “…diner table…”, please excuse me. It was meant to be “dinner table”.

    And I DO like Smarties, Crummy Buttons, Candy Cigarettes, Callard & Bowser, and Good & Plenties. And NECCO Wafers. Keep your hands off my fucking NECCO Wafers, thieving fucks!

    “I hate these things, except for the white ones…”

    “Get your own, you stealing ass! Why would you break into MY sleeve of NECCOs? You just steal shit!”

    3
  54. None of the candies above can compare to the possibility of getting an apple with a razor blade pushed through it.

    Well at least that was the folklore we had when growing up in the Projects when I was five years old.

    Later on, moved to Co-op City and there you could get egged on the way home from work by a, ehem, a gang of growing black youths, like Mrs. Ghost did one year getting off a bus and was chased to the doorway.

    That said, if you went to the right building you would get BAGS full of candy…

    Not a good place for Halloween even then cannot imagine now.

    4
  55. NECCO went out of business recently. I hate licorice, except for licorice jelly beans. I love them for some reason. Does anybody remember the orange wax whistles? You could play a song on them and then chew them up like gum when you felt like it. My favorite candy is the 100,000 Dollar Bar that was renamed the 100 Grand bar.

    4
  56. That picture of the unhappy little girl is of my cousin from around 1955 or so. We have laughed at it for decades. She really hates it. LOL

    2

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