Sultan Knish: Votive candles of Robert Mueller III will set you back between 10 and 22 bucks. These candles feature everything from the standard black-suited G-man picture to one of a droopy Mueller in saintly robes pointing at his own glowing heart. By tomorrow or next week at the latest, you will be able to snag what Portland Monthly dubbed last year, the “hottest gift” of the holiday season in the bin at the Dollar store.
The candles, the buttons, the t-shirts, the mugs and the other Mueller tchotchkes which briefly made their peddlers wealthy, are all headed for that bin after he broke the hearts of his biggest fans.
Vogue dubbed Mueller, a 74-year-old lawyer, “America’s newest crush”. “He can evoke shades of Humphrey Bogart and has mastered a nearly Zoolander-esque gaze,” the style mag raved.
Just in January, Vanity Fair published an even trashier ode to Mueller, declaring, “Mueller Won the Hearts of America”. By America, the lefty mags, like all lefty culture manufacturers, meant themselves.
A lesbian folk band wrote a love song to Mueller, crooning, “I see you on TV / I see you in my dreams”.
Spike Lee wore a t-shirt that screamed, “GOD PROTECT ROBERT MUELLER”. Chelsea Handler tweeted, “I’m starting to have a real crush on Mueller.” Stephen Colbert compared him to Batman. A California artist claimed that looking at a picture of Mueller reassured him that everything would be okay.
“Since he’s in charge, the world can be normal again,” he rhapsodized.
Tonight, the votive candles have gone out. Batman has fallen. And the lefties who went to bed believing in Mueller have lost their faith.
“Disappointed Fans of Mueller Rethink the Pedestal They Built for Him,” the New York Times gravely intones. In its piece, the paper quotes the host of a podcast, “Mueller, She Wrote”, whose fans call themselves Muellerites, saying, “I’ve had to talk a couple people off the ledge.”
A law school prof who had posted a picture of herself lighting a Mueller candle comments, “There are definitely people who thought that Mueller would save us.”
But was it really these fans who had built Mueller’s pedestal of lies or was it the New York Times? Keep reading
h/t Forcibly Deranged.
Ha! Ha!
Embrace the suck, commies.
Chuck the New York Times
Thank you for spelling tchotchkes because I was too lazy to look it up in my yiddish dictionary. Say. Where is my yiddish dictionary anyway?
Also.
Thank you for NOT linking to a YouTubeMeILubeYou of the lesbian folk group. Who needs waterboarded on a Sunday night?
their ‘candles’ have not yet gone out, they are just becoming ineffectual due to the all illuminating dawning of the light of truth.
keep your hands on the plow
And it seems to me you lost your mind after Trump’s Big Win
Never knowing who to cling to when the pain set in
And You would have liked for mueller , to admonish Him
But Your Candle blew out long before…You trusted the idiots on cnn
“My special prosecutor investigated the president for 2 years and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”
I’LL MAKE MILLIONS!!!!
There is an official Robert Mueller facebook page/ The comments from these leftists crack me up. When I need a good bedtime story i read comments for 15 minutes.
I find it rather amazing how not tired of winning I am.
Moar pleez!
LOL, I never knew about all the candles and etc. Sadly, when you put someone on a pedestal, you’re bound for disappointment because eventually you **will** discover the person is only human.
Me, though? I’m hoping for some of those candles (so long as they aren’t cheaply made). I could use a bunch of extra emergency candles at bargain basement prices.
Family Dollars are closing or being turned into Dollar trees so maybe they have some Mueller time candles
Yeah, I’ll drink some muellered whine!
“I’m Living In A World I No Longer Understand” finally has a Liberal audience!!
You lowlife pukes have got to be devastated that your handpicked assassin along with his gaggle of rabid leftist helpers took 2 years and 50 million taxpayer dollars only to be left standing there with his cock in his hand. Hahahaha
@Bobcat — that was delightful! Very clever.
H-how did they even get away with worshiping and uh… sexualizing such a grotesque old scraggly man???
He investigated, harassed, prodded, and bothered the president and anybody and everybody he ever met, just to end up with a couple of tax evaders, a few liars, and uh.. that’s it I think.
He did his best. The left ought to be indignantly proud of the little shit.