Things That Are More Popular Than CNN – IOTW Report

Things That Are More Popular Than CNN

CNN currently gets 767,000 primetime viewers a night.

Newsbusters ran the numbers and figured out that there are more people who ride a bike to work than CNN viewers.

There are more Walmart employees than CNN viewers.

More people have chickens as pets than those that tune in to CNN in primetime.

I’m pretty sure there are more men abusing themselves to Mexican weather girls than watch CNN.

 

ht/ christian pdx

 

46 Comments on Things That Are More Popular Than CNN

  1. Since I watch zero news programing I’m probably not qualified to judge this one.

    But actually the entire MSM is more popular with me than my recent experience trying to take my first crap five days after most recent surgery. Anyone having had surgeries is probably familiar with what joy that is. Similar to trying to pass a bowling ball with pine cones glued to it.

    This is the first time I’ve had the use of my right hand to type and use the mouse or track pad since 5/24. Which reminds me, maybe I should take another look at the Mexican weather girl up there. I’m old, but I ain’t dead. And to all you smart ass youngsters out there, “Your day will come. So remember that even if you can no longer cut the mustard, you can still lick the jar.”

    I’m thinking the young lady above and a glass of ice water would be enough to kill me.

    This commentary without the assistance of any pain meds for three or four days…

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  2. Things more popular than cnn;
    Root canals
    Barium enemas
    being kicked repeatedly in the shins
    being married to my 1st wife
    being married to me
    Yugo cars
    old white people
    a ticket for 35 in a 25
    stumping a toe on the way to the can @ 2am
    cher

    11
  3. More popular than watching cnn:

    Drano enema’s
    listening to endless loops of Yoko Ono singing
    doing a population survey of seagulls at the city dump
    laundering Hillary Clinton’s underpants
    unclogging sewage drain backups
    watching Cher in any movie
    Listening to an hour of Shepard Smith
    watching drunks eat crackers

    6
  4. Anymouse: Just thought it would make checking the weather a little more interesting and easier to explain when my wife was nearby. Asking for a friend.

    5
  5. I’ll be seating everyone tonight at Mikey’s & Mr. Pinko’s…

    Please don’t forget to tip your waitress…

    (AND FOR THE RECORD IT’S HOST NOT HOSTESS)

    4
  6. If ya axe me, I think Juan Williams, Shep Smith, Neil Cavuto, and Chris Wallace should join CNN to boost their ratings. But that’s just me.
    And yes, Geraldo too. FemAll

    8
  7. Mansfield lovell MAY 3, 2019 AT 3:47 PM
    “Oy Caramba! She got a Quarter Ass. You could bounce a quarter off that ass and get back two dimes and a nickel!”

    …sorry, that reminds me of a joke. Wanna hear it? Great!

    A guy was going to his wedding night as a virgin, and he was desperately worried about disappointing his fresh new bride with his lack of skills. He goes to his best man, whose known as quite the rake, for advice.

    …his friend thinks for a moment, and says, “well, for you, maybe a basic grinding motion will get your lady where you want her to be, but not get YOU too excited too quickly. You’ll probably need to practice it, though, so you don’t forget when things get hot.”

    He gives him a nickel, a dime, a quarter, and a silver dollar.

    “Put the nickel in your left front pocket, the dime in your right front pocket, the quarter in your right rear pocket, and the dollar in your left rear pocket.”

    He does so, and asks what to do next.

    “You’re gonna thrust your hips at each in order of the value of the coin. This will help you remember when your getting busy, and make you think a little so you don’t go off right away. Now try it.”

    He moves his hips to the front left. “Nickel”. Then to the front right. “Dime”. Then to the rear right. “Quarter”. Then to the rear left. “Dollar”.

    “Ok, you’re getting it. Just keep repeating that, practice it awhile, and it’ll be a habit when it gets heavy.”

    He spends the night before the wedding just workin’ it, and gets to where he’s pleased with the rhythm. “Nickel….Dime….Quarter….Dollar….Nickel….Dime….Quarter….Dollar….Nickel….Dime….Quarter….Dollar….”…and goes to sleep that night, confident he can do his new husband thang.

    …next day, get up, wedding, reception, and off to the hotel they go. His best man tells him with a wink, “Now don’t forget to follow the money!”

    …finally alone with his blushing bride, and able to see ALL of her blush for the first time, he nearly loses his shot right there, but he chills down and remembers his training.

    Now they’re together for the first time, and he starts off…Nickel….Dime….Quarter….Dollar….Nickel….Dime….Quarter….Dollar….and it’s evidently working because she moans in pleasure. Meanwhile, it feels SO good, he starts to speed it up.

    Nickel…Dime…Quarter…Dollar…Nickel…Dime…Quarter…Dollar…

    “Faster!” She pants in his ear.

    Nickel..Dime..Quarter..Dollar..Nickel..Dime..Quarter..Dollar.Nickel.Dime.Quarter.Dollar.NickelDimeQuarterDollar NickelDimeQuarterDollar NickelDimeQuarterDollar NiDiQuaDol…

    Unable to contain it any longer, he thrust full forwards at once and screams out,

    ………….BUCK FOURTY!

    3
  8. Oh shoot. I wasn’t paying attention. What was the weather forecast? No that wasn’t the question. It was contrasting popularity of something. Wasn’t it?

    Oh wait I think I remember now. I’d rather pitchfork out the winter time build up of manure and straw out of the barn stalls on a hot muggy summer day into the manure spreader then spread the stinky stuff on a hay field than watch the manure spread by CNN.

  9. ¡Dios mio! I’ve started something with this Oy Caramba crap.

    Okay. Here goes.
    I recco y’all invest in Apple stock cuz they is fixin’ to expand their market share in Central & South America. They’re gonna take their popular iPhone and relabel it the “iCaramba”

    1

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