Things You’ll Proably Never Hear a Southern Boy Say – IOTW Report

Things You’ll Proably Never Hear a Southern Boy Say

Wednesday, 2 April 2014, 12:44 BFH Home 0

Via JC Lady

30. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.

29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won’t fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken

26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.

25. You can’t feed that to the dog.

24. No  kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We’re vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy..

19. Honey, we don’t need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

8. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t  seen.

4. I don’t have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole busload of us down to re-elect OBAMA

92 Comments on Things You’ll Proably Never Hear a Southern Boy Say

  34. I say most of us got some laffs from that list and from most of the comments too.

    Now just for fun, post a list of Things You’ll Probably Never Hear a REgressive Say over at Common Dreams(I can’t, I’ve been banned) and in the 3 minutes it MIGHT remain up, the comments would would be some of the most hateful, oily crap you’d ever read.

    So I’ll start
    1) I think Sen Cruz is making an excellent point
    2) Maybe we should think about vouchers
    3) Do we really need the government to tell me_________________
    4) Is Joe Biden really that stupid?
    5) Isn’t about time we got to the bottom of Benghazi?

  38. MM,
    Sounds good.
    6) This tolerance thing is great. We get to force it on everybody but us!
    7) Seriously, how come we’re not allowed to think for ourselves?
    8) Do these tampon earrings make me look like a f*cking psycho?
    9) Why is it ok for us to make fun of southerners and Christians? Isn’t that kind of bigoted?

  59. Things I have actually said:

    (While looking at a 20 acre grass fire)
    “Eh, if we can’t knock this down, I know a coupla guys in Maypearl.”

    (While looking at a small charcoal grill)
    “We might be able to get all 4 briskets on there if we stack’em right.”

    (after having stepped in a fire ant mound and receiving 50-100 stings)
    “Hey, babe? Will you grab my epi-pen and the can of diesel?”

    (While looking at a 31″ Toledo rapier)
    “That’s a cute lil pig sticker, but if you want to see a REAL knife…”

    (After seeing my god-son in the backyard, shooting at squirrels with a BB gun)
    “Goddammit boy! You had damn well better put that goddam thing away and use the .223 like a normal goddam 6 year old!”

  80. 1. Dang! I’m out of ammo!
    2. Let’s eat! I’m famished!
    3. I never a manicure could be so fun!
    4. I don’t like Blue Belle ice cream!
    5. OMG! A spider!
    6. Leave them Mexicans alone, Billy Bob, they ain’t hurt nobody!
    7. Who needs a clip that shoots thirty times?
    8. This here’s my girlfriend, Shaniqua!
    9. Guttin’ a deer is just nasty!
    10. Obama’s got a nice ass! He must work out!

  86. Yeah, we mock these guys in a jovial way, but let’s not ever forget that they are the bad-ass warrior class of our society, who has fought gallantly in every war and who without the USA would not be the same.
    These southern boys, who are over-represented in our military, are the ones I would rather have in a foxhole with me than any other class of people. God bless ‘em!

  88. Another cat food diet this week, spent all my cash on refreshments & snacks with our Border Dreamer Welcoming Committee group. Getting them registered to vote is even more rewarding.

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