As we approach the new year, many Americans are gearing up to undertake Dry January 2022 — but one sex expert is campaigning to make the notoriously parched month much wetter.
Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist in Britain, is encouraging people to masturbate every single one of January’s 31 days, advising that dedicated self-gratification staves off seasonal depression during what studies show is the most miserable time of the year.
Cooper also claims autoeroticism drives untold mental health benefits, and urges people to tune up their bodies when they feel their mood stalling out.
“It’s to focus on spending time with yourself and get to know your body,” the outspoken sexpert told Jam Press.
However, considering how pandemic-plagued 2021 was such a tough nut to crack, stressed-out citizens may not be in the mood to pound their privates every 24 hours — but Cooper says it’s important to prioritize pleasure, and she’s got the tasty tricks to whet the appetite.
I got new socks for Christmas.
I recommend double socks.
done and done
WARNING ⚠️ May cause blindness and hairy palms.
I got socks and a POA.
Both were too big.
“I’ve got blisters on my fingers “
I’m listening
“I love myself
I want you to love me
When I feel down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me
I don’t want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself
Oh, I don’t want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no”
-Christine Amphlett, “I Touch Myself”
https://youtu.be/wv-34w8kGPM
“Well, I see ’em every night in tight blue jeans
In the pages of a Blueboy magazine
Hey, hey, I’ve been thinking of a new sensation
I’m picking up good vibrations
Oop, she bop, she bop
Do I wanna go out with a lion’s roar?
Yeah, I wanna go south and get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop or I’ll go blind
Oop, she bop, she bop
She bop, he bop, we bop
I bop, you bop, they bop
Be bop, be bop, a lu bop
I hope he will understand
She bop, he bop, we bop
I bop, you bop, they bop
Be bop, be bop, a lu she bop
Oh, she do, she bop
Hey, hey they say I better get a chaperone (Ha ha ha)
Because I can’t stop messin’ with the danger zone
Hey, hey I won’t worry and I won’t fret
Ain’t no law against it yet”
-Cyndi Lauper, “She Bop”
https://youtu.be/KFq4E9XTueY
OverviewListenLyricsVideos
Lonely boys and you lonely girls
Here at the end of the lonely world
You’re finding out
If there’s someone to cry about
Lonely girls and you lonely boys
Playing alone with your lonely toys
Well don’t be blue
If there’s no one to play with you
Get a grip on yourself you know you should
I got a grip on myself and it feels good
Get a grip on yourself take my advice
I got a grip on myself and it feels nice
When the lights come on and the party’s through
There are always a few with nobody to do
Well now don’t despair
You’ll eventually get there
And meanwhile all of you lonely ones
Here’s what to do while you wait for the sun
To rise above
The loneliest kind of love
Get a grip on yourself you know you should
I got a grip on myself and it feels good
Get a grip on yourself take my advice
I got a grip on myself and it feels nice”
-Semisonic, “Get A Grip”
https://youtu.be/jrdZNNG4S8g
“Now everybody, have you heard, if you’re in the game
Then the stroke’s the word
Don’t take no rhythm,
Don’t take no style
Gotta thirst for killin’,
Grab your vial uh
Put your right hand out, give a firm handshake
Talk to me about that one big break
Spread your ear pollution, both far and wide
Keep your contributions by your side and
Stroke me, stroke me
Could be a winner boy you move mighty well
Stroke me, stroke me (stroke)
Stroke me, stroke me
You got your number down
Stroke me, stroke me
Say you’re a winner but babe, you’re just a sinner now
Put your left foot out, keep it all in place
Work your way right into my face
First you try to bet me, you make my backbone slide
When you find you’ve bled me, slip on by, and”
-Billy Squire, “The Stroke”
https://youtu.be/69fPof-ZTnU
Hol up, that was MY schtick….
Chuck Berry covered this topic 50 years ago:
https://youtu.be/XXhsqsh1uX0
.
Less than once a day is neglect, more than three is abuse or so I’ve been told.
At my age you: Never trust a fart, never pass a bathroom and never waste an erection.
I did not need know what it meant to ‘fap’. smdh
Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist in Britain, is encouraging people to masturbate every single one of January’s 31 days, advising that dedicated self-gratification staves off seasonal depression during what studies show is the most miserable time of the year.
———————
But, what if I’m not depressed? I guess I live under a rock, I’ve never heard the term “Fap” for playing with yourself. Fap, sounds like something a weed smoker would do. Not that there’s anything wrong in fapping. 🙂
@Jethro – I didn’t even have to open your link. I knew exactly what Chuck Berry song you were referring to. LOL LOL!
“When I was a little bitty boy
My grandmother bought me a cute little toy
Silver bells hanging on a string…”
So, would a “fapper” be like a “fluffer”?
I’ve heard of no not November, but Dry January?
No nut
Here’s my cure for “winter depression”, and all year depression as a matter of fact:
Don’t listen to the “experts”. Your life will improve dramatically!
I don’t know about you, but her “cure” seems awfully depressing.
Jethro: Bobby Goldsboro had this covered 55 years ago:
“Me and God watching Scotty grow…”
No great empire was ever built by a bunch of assholes who jerked off all day. That’s why the globalists pay dumbass attention whore “sexologists” to give such incredibly shitty advise to the public.
Everybody needs a hobby
I got a lover with a slow hand….
TheMule January 2, 2022 at 10:06 am
No great empire was ever built by a bunch of assholes who jerked off all day.
—————————–
However, great empires were destroyed over their deviant behaviors against God and nature. Sodom and Gomorrah, Rome, etc. Nations come and go, but God doesn’t.
It says right there:
“Google is paying $27485 to $29658 consistently for taking a shot at the web from home.”
So apparently there’s an income opportunity as well!
Otherwise, why not go for the real thing?
“…But Rosie you’re all right – you wear my ring
When you hold me tight – Rosie that’s my thing
When you turn out the light – I’ve got to hand it to me
Looks like it’s me and you again tonight Rosie…”
Whatever happened to crossword puzzles?
You could read his report on masturbation if the pages weren’t all stuck together.
I was going to post a snarky comment near the top of the thread, but it took too long to type with just one hand.
Don’t eat sticky snow either.
And Britain can’t figure out why it’s turning into a 3rd World Shithole?
mortem tyrannis
izlamo delenda est …
Ness Cooper is a jerk!
CNN anchors and contributors must be elated
Every day for 31 days? I don’t have enough juice for that anymore.
Now when I was a young man I could have filled up Dodger Stadium in 31 days.
Leave it to the left to suggest an addictive behavior to distract people from the real cause of their misery – mandated progressive socialist policies and other methods of communism.
If you’re too busy playing with yourself, you will be caught by surprise – so to speak, when the jackboots come knocking at your door.
Besides that’s the only gratification they hope you’ll have once the Neo-Nazi elitists lock you in their concentration camps for violating some mandated infraction. The left want people to get used to being depraved and desperate.
I wank on Zoom; Yeah, like nobody else
I wank on Zoom, Yeah, like nobody else
Cause you know when I wank on Zoom
I prefer to apply myself
Each evening just before bedtime
Dont need no high end whore
Just me and my gal Rosie Palmer
Thats all I need to score
REFRAIN
The other night went out for Beef Strokinoff
And who perchance did I meet
But that old Slav perv, Jac Mehoff
And his wingman, Ivan Beat
REFRAIN
The other day was invited to choke chickens
And it made me feel homesick
For my teenage pal, Johnny Pullet
And his brothers Tug and Dick
REFRAIN
Now the whole damn world done shunned me
And Im feeling less than grand
The only one who relieves me
Is that old Yank, Lefty Hand
For those who will be taking Dr Ness Coopers advice …
Try to avoid looking at pics of Ness Cooper when you do it
Toobin, Toobin, Toobin,
Keep that hand a’ strokin,
Toobin, Toobin, Toobin,
Rawpalm!
(Zipper opening sound)
Don’t try to understand it,
Just grab, fondle, and stroke it,
Soon I’ll be livin’ high and wet
Rawpalm…Rawpalm…Rawpalm!
pathetic. leftists really are mentally ill