8 Comments on We’re Not Going To Soft Soap It. You’re Dead.
Sharp Mortuary
Hatchet Mortuary
When I was a kid the ‘wurst’ family owned about 10 business’s in town.
So there was the Wurst barber
Wurst bakery
Wurst plumber.
The kids call and ask if this the Wurst plumber.
“Why would I want the Wurst plumber? (And then hang up)
Wurst hardware store
Etc.
In the south, these businesses are more often called “funeral homes” rather than mortuaries. A local establishment has the moniker of “Hicks Funeral Home”. To some SJWs and those unfamiliar with the town, this might seem exclusionary as though they will only service hicks, hillbillies, hayseeds and rednecks. However, the man that started this business and owned / ran it for 50 some odd years, had the last name of “Hicks”. His business will bury anybody that has the cash to do so ….. whether you’re dead or not.
Blunt Mortuary
Smoke ’em while ya got ’em,
can’t take ’em with ya!
Maybe their embalming involves wrapping papers to mummify your body.
Blunt = cigar hollowed out and stuffed with pot.
If they offer cremation by funeral pyre – that’s one way to get the whole ‘hood to show up.
Downwind seats will be roped off and have a charge for entry.
(Following comment somewhat NSFW, so skip it if you’re easily offended)
When I was in the Army my NCOIC, who came from rural Oklahoma, told me a story about a guy from his hometown who loved to fish. One day he was fishing on a river and couldn’t get a nibble, while a guy next to him was hauling in a big fish every time he cast out his line. He decided to watch the man to see what his secret was. He noticed that every time the guy took out a piece of bait from his bait bucket he would sniff it before placing it on the hook. Soon the fellow had his limit and started to leave, whereupon the luckless fisherman asked, “Say buddy, would you mind telling me what you use for bait?”
The guy says, “Sure. You know Old Man Johnson (not his real name, of course), who runs the funeral parlor in town? Well, every time I go fishing I stop by Old Man Johnson’s and pick up a bucket of pussies. Best bait in the world.”
The man said, “I’ll be damned. But tell me – why do you sniff them before baiting your hook?”
The guy says, “Well, you gotta watch Old Man Johnson. Every now and then he’ll slip an asshole in on you.”
— Now here’s the funniest part of the story (to me anyway): Guess where the guy who told me the story heard it from?
Sharp Mortuary
Hatchet Mortuary
When I was a kid the ‘wurst’ family owned about 10 business’s in town.
So there was the Wurst barber
Wurst bakery
Wurst plumber.
The kids call and ask if this the Wurst plumber.
“Why would I want the Wurst plumber? (And then hang up)
Wurst hardware store
Etc.
In the south, these businesses are more often called “funeral homes” rather than mortuaries. A local establishment has the moniker of “Hicks Funeral Home”. To some SJWs and those unfamiliar with the town, this might seem exclusionary as though they will only service hicks, hillbillies, hayseeds and rednecks. However, the man that started this business and owned / ran it for 50 some odd years, had the last name of “Hicks”. His business will bury anybody that has the cash to do so ….. whether you’re dead or not.
Here’s a blunt location for burial:
http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=pis&PIcrid=56149&PIpi=10816936&PIMode=cemetery
He’s F*cking dead Jim!
Blunt Mortuary
Smoke ’em while ya got ’em,
can’t take ’em with ya!
Maybe their embalming involves wrapping papers to mummify your body.
Blunt = cigar hollowed out and stuffed with pot.
If they offer cremation by funeral pyre – that’s one way to get the whole ‘hood to show up.
Downwind seats will be roped off and have a charge for entry.
(Following comment somewhat NSFW, so skip it if you’re easily offended)
When I was in the Army my NCOIC, who came from rural Oklahoma, told me a story about a guy from his hometown who loved to fish. One day he was fishing on a river and couldn’t get a nibble, while a guy next to him was hauling in a big fish every time he cast out his line. He decided to watch the man to see what his secret was. He noticed that every time the guy took out a piece of bait from his bait bucket he would sniff it before placing it on the hook. Soon the fellow had his limit and started to leave, whereupon the luckless fisherman asked, “Say buddy, would you mind telling me what you use for bait?”
The guy says, “Sure. You know Old Man Johnson (not his real name, of course), who runs the funeral parlor in town? Well, every time I go fishing I stop by Old Man Johnson’s and pick up a bucket of pussies. Best bait in the world.”
The man said, “I’ll be damned. But tell me – why do you sniff them before baiting your hook?”
The guy says, “Well, you gotta watch Old Man Johnson. Every now and then he’ll slip an asshole in on you.”
— Now here’s the funniest part of the story (to me anyway): Guess where the guy who told me the story heard it from?
That’s right – Old Man Johnson.