A family in Oregon recently comforted their dying relative by lying to him that Trump had been impeached.
So if this is how we’re going to treat our soon to be departed, what words of comfort do you want to hear in your final moments?
77 Comments on What Do You Want To Hear On Your Deathbed?
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YOU’VE MADE YOUR LAST ALIMONY PAYMENT!!
“Jerry. BigFurHat is here…”
The chartered cruise ship, Pork Unlimited, carrying all of California’s legislators on a five day junket, foundered and sank. There were no survivors, although it was reported that some passengers said they were still alive, but everyone knows how California politicians all lie.
“Guess what? We just discovered a cure!”
I’ll try to stick with what my Dad said….”Hey Buddy, You gonna be all right?……
“Guess what? We just discovered a cure! The only problem is that it takes at least a week before any improvement could be seen. Sorry for your case.”
The 44th president of the United States was tried and executed for treason.
Obama and Hillery are in prison.
Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters have been indicted.
The complete Ted Nugent album series, starting with Amboy Dukes.
Sorry,wrong patient.
Go home.
No words, just play Brian Eno’s Another Green World
“Here’s that $50 I owe ya…”
I just want to go. If you play disco or rap, that’s the closest to hell I will get, and it’ll scare me right into the arms of Jesus.
“The Sweet Meteor is going to directly whack the shit out of Earth in two days… We’re right behind you!”
April Fools.
“Oops, wrong chart.”
“Crap, I had a European billionaire lined up to get this guy’s spleen.”
@Watchman: You’re one of those “”glass half empty” people, aren’t you?
…TERMINAL Euro billionaire…
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida
“So…what did you think?”
Liberalism has been killed….forever!
You made it [to Heaven].
I read the autobiogrophy of the editor of a few very famous writers from the late 1800’s to early 1900’s. Can’t remember his name right now, but one of his clients was F. Scott Fitzgerald … on his death bed, he looked up in the corner of the hospital room and asked his daughter – who is that? – and then he was gone.
I want someone to say they hear sweet, ethereal music. I want to hear the voice of a priest giving me the last rights and Eucharist for the journey.
“Here’s your ribeye with A-1, salad, sweet potato, freshly-made lemonade, coconut cream pie and a Tatiana vanilla cigar.”
Politicizing eternally significant moments is really dumb. These are usually ‘Come to Jesus moments’. On your death bed, politics should be your last concern. Your eternal state should be your only concern.
All my loved ones, who have gone before me, holding out their arms and saying, ‘Were here”.
Gladys,
My dad is a retired RN. Many years ago he worked in a nursing home. There was an old man who was pretty much senile (so take this for whatever it’s worth) but as he lay dying, the man was screaming about the giant black bird perched on the foot of his bed, just staring at him.
“How ’bout a quickie?”
” No, Really….There is no such thing as a Closet Monster.”
I want to hear Let All Mortal Flesh Be Silent played expertly on a double bass and baritone saxophone, with all the melodic, harmonic, and rhythmic call and responses that you could expect while making the leap from time and space into eternity. Wife and kids all present saying tell Jesus we love him and we will rejoin you in Heaven in a moments time. Be safe and pray for us from your new estate.
@Poor Lazlo
I’ll Come running To tie Your Shoe
A joke.
Dick Van Patten saying, “Ah, your favorite color is orange!” then some LIGHT classical.
“You’ve won the lottery!”
Because if I can’t take it with me, I ain’t going.
“Are you willing to volunteer for a radical experiment?”
What I want to hear on my deathbed – the same thing the Bible tells us in life – don’t get caught up in the things of the world.
That favorite nurse of yours is pregnant
“Hello?”
“HELLO?”
“Roderick, can you hear me!?”
“LET ME OUTTA HERE!”
Let the dog on the bed.
“Yeah, about your 99 virgins…do you remember Lulu Roman?”
“I’ve come to ask if you’d like to join my Owsla.”
“Dad? About the will…”
welcome my child…… well done
… that would be God speaking… not hillary’s friend.
“Blimey, he’s a nice one, innit he! Still warm, even. Well, let’s get to work. Hand me the saw.”
What I would actually like to hear on my death bed – “Your sins are forgiven, Jesus knows you.”
An ‘I love you’ from my girlfriend of 16 years. She’s an ice-hearted woman and I’m an incredibly patient man.
“Where’s the source code?”
“They got the files mixed up! You’re fine!”
You are too mean to die!
Obama, his administration and all Dems have been dropped into an I-beam shredder.
You did your best, there were days your best wasn’t good enough, but you never quit and you got better everyday.
Rain…the creek from my childhood backyard… windchimes…birdsong…. children laughing.
Followed by the voices of countless people that I’ve cared for in hospice welcoming me to the biggest party ever. I finally get to meet them joyous and relieved of suffering.
HooHooNayNay….you work in hospice?…you already have your wings and you will fly free like an eagle, but hopefully more like a Bumble Bee cuz that would be more fun….
I would like to hear, from a higher power (ET is OK):
“We have studied your planet and we think that Islam is a cancer upon your planet. We have eliminated all adherants of that religion”.
For every democrat who died smiling after being lied to about Trump’s impeachment, there are a thousand democrats who committed suicide when Hillary lost.
“His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.”
Something I’d like to say: “I told you I was sick!”
“Well done my true and faithful servant”
And the the Gates to Heaven open, and I am in.
Here are your McNuggets
Washington DC was just nooked, the governors are
convening a Constitutional Convention.
The Governor called you have been pardoned!
“You are NOT the father”
“Do I still have to hold your beer?”
“Here drink this frog snot it might help.”
“The hookers and cocaine you asked for are here.”
“I’m glad that asshole’s …”
OH WAIT! Not what I WILL hear, but what I WANT to hear …
“In nomine Patris et Fillii et Spiritus Sancti …”
izlamo delenda est …
Bravo @Uncle Al, LOL
Here is what I would want to hear,
“Richard, there has been a huge natural disaster! Mecca, Medina, Tehran, Abu Dhabi, Mosul, Baghdad, Riyadh, Bahrain have all been destroyed by a meteor impact. The resulting tsunami destroyed Somalia and most of Indonesia. Nearly a billion musloids have been killed and all their holy places destroyed.”
“Oh shit. HERE’S the problem. Nurse, I need tongs, a scalpel and some salt for this Margarita.”
“You’re forgiven of all of your sins.”
Before my dear Father passed away he told me I was the joy in his life. I asked him if he told my sister the same thing and he couldn’t stop laughing.
Uncle Al, someone will be asking me what’s the password to the source code.
My younger son’s interpretation of “Cliffs of Dover” with my elder son doing the vocals.
izlamo delenda est …
Definitely NOT Highway to Hell!