A reader, Sam S., sent a tip for a story about Wildlife Management, saying it was one of his favorite oxymorons.
He added a few more: Act Naturally, Constant Change.
It got me thinking.
Here are some I enjoy:
Larger half (It wasn’t half, then, was it?)
Found missing (You hear this on Forensic Files. “A knock on the door went unanswered. The old woman was found missing.”)
Ill health (Wouldn’t, “he’s ill,” cover it?)
Original copy (How smart are lawyers when they ask for original copies?)
Soft Rock (Cracks me up, every time.)
Unbiased opinion (Opinions are based on bias, no?)
And then you have the DC oxymorons:
Anti-missile missile (Wouldn’t it explode the moment you made it?)
Continuing resolution (The resolution, the end, will go on and on.)
Open border (It’s not a border, then, is it?)
Zero deficit (Must I explain this one?)
I heard this one for an hour yesterday:
“Attention valued guests… (Name), If you are in the store, please come to the customer service desk. “
Exactly. It’s like braille keypads at the drive-through bank. Who are they for?
Who is that announcement for?
He’s either there or not.
“John McCain, Conservative.”
lol
I know a one word oxymoron.
Green
The term Political Science is pretty stupid.
Jumbo shrimp, moderate muslim, well informed democrat voter, woman driver….
“President Barack Obama.”
Jumbo Shrimp
As for those braille keypads and tags on the drive-through ATMs, theoretically you might have a blind person in the back seat on the driver’s side. My guess, though, is that you could count the number of times that that has happened since the advent of drive-through ATMs on the fingers of one mutilated hand.
“Hey, you’re no damned saint!”
“Watch your head!”
A lot of these are simply contradictions in terms. An oxymoron is, according to my OED:
[/pedant]
Nevertheless, they are fun!
Soft-Core Pornography
Auto Pilot
Fallout Shelter
Civil Service
Numb Feeling
Hollow Point
Student Teacher
Less Is More
Pre-owned.
Hey why is there no Automatic Co-Pilot?
Today at the lumber yard…”go ahead and back up”.
“yeah, no…”
Military Intelligence?
Rap music.
Democrat Budget
I don’t know if it’s an oxymoron, but “non-dairy creamer” drives me bats. Mostly because it is probably the only product on the planet that tells you what it’s not, but not what it is.
Pretty Ugly
Petite Small,
Petite Large
Christian Science?
Don;t forget the real winner for today’s climate, The university diversity program.
Obama Care
Doesn’t exist
I’ve made fun of the keypads for years. Turns out the makers of the ATMs need to put braille on walk up machines, so they just put it on all machines because technically a drive through machine could be placed at a walk up location.
worst enemy
Non-violent Muslim
Non-violent Muslim
Mooch Obozo style icon
Global Wariming?
man buns
Or as Archie Bunker called it: Hard Porn Cornography
President Obama
Soft-Core Pornography: what you get when you run out of Viagra and Cialis.
Act natural.
Airline food.
Baby grand.
FYI – Soft Rock used to Soft Hits until people realized whut that really sounded like… 🙂
Jumbo shrimp
Missle Repairman.
Reunion.
Micro Aggression.
Same-sex Parents
And as that collegiate genius Keely Mullen amply proved with Caputo today, so is “Critical Thinking.”
THIS POST IS A MICRO-AGGRESSION AGAINST CIVIL SERVANTS!
MY TRIGGER DID NOT RECEIVE ADEQUATE WARNING!
I NEED MY SAFE SPACE!
BRING ME MY BANKIE!
WAAAAAAH!
Model Sarah Jessica Parker.
Comedian Jon Stewart.
CBS News Radio.
Journalist Tom Brokaw.
Bill Nye The Science Guy.
While we’re at it, I hate when people say stuff like:
“I usually never go there.” (Well, which is it?)
And they suck. Stir in dry powdered milk, which has the same taste with less fat.
– Women’s Healthcare (at:)
– Planned Parenthood
Non-Violent Muslim
Aunt Jemima Light
Logistics. Multiple versions increase cost. Stocking one universal keypad that can be used anywhere saves money and effort.
Dry Hump
If blind, how would I find the ATM if I were walking? Elevator buttons crack me up too.
Old News
And how could one be sure the ATM spit out the correct amount of money if they are blind?
Postal Worker
Country Music
passive aggressive
Partial Zero Emissions