You Fill Out My Census… – IOTW Report

You Fill Out My Census…

Tuesday, 7 March 2017, 21:45 BFH Uncategorized 33

My title is the first line of the famous John Denver song, Annie’s Song.

 

Census takers arrived at Mr. Saddleburr’s residence recently. He sent this anecdote:

Finally got the face to face with the census bureau today.  I’ve been selected to participate in the American Community Survey.  Been giving them the biz by phone since January since I first received it by mail.

How many rooms in your house?   How much
Acreage?  How many refrigerators?  Stoves?  Flush
Toilets?  Running water?  Hot water ? Desktops?  Laptops?  Tablets?  Internet access?   Commute to work?   How many miles?  If you were to sell your house today how much do you think you would get?  How many non self-induced orgasms have you enjoyed in the last week?

Ok the last question wasn’t there.

Anyway, Petey dog announced census
takers arrival.  Wife opened door and was less than cooperative. But I eventually wandered up, smoking a Marlboro and in my slippers.

Census chick said, “ok, one male, one female.”
I said ‘hold on.   We’re gender fluid here.’   Census chick muttered something about her female cousin being very manly. Government is gender confused now.  What’s up with the gender question?

Next question was year house was built. “PANCAKES!!!!”

“Pancakes?” she asked.
“PANCAKES!!!”

Then I explained that we would not be answering any more questions.  I told her to not take it personally.  She thanked me for not flashing a 9mm like her previous client did before chasing her off his property.

Looking forward to the next visit.  There will be a next visit.

33 Comments on You Fill Out My Census…

  17. I’m an really an adopted African Albanian albino bilateral below knee amputee lesbian gender fluid dwarf inside a 6’1″ cis-gendered Caucasian male

    I never know which square to check

  21. Joe6pak, A suggestion. Next time tell them “I tell her what to think anyway, so you might as well talk to me”. I pulled that on a door knocker a couple years back. She flipped a bitch and left. The wife overheard the conversation and to this day laughs hysterically when reminded of it.

  22. On the last census I decided to check many of the races that were likely mixed into my mutt ancestry. Made it a point the check “Other” and write in Maori, the indigenous New Zealanders. A few years back NZ decided you could pretty much declare a Maori status if you “felt” Maori. Hey, I’ve been to NZ a couple of times, dug the facial tattoos so why not? Oddly, filling out the census, a odd collection of racial memories came over me.

  23. They sent me one of those BS forms back in 2000. It was 1/4 inch thick and would have taken at least 1-2 hours to fill out, most of which time would have been spent trying to research the various financial-related questions and provide answers which I didn’t even have myself, and certainly wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to know even if I did. Not to mention the invasive personal questions.

    I checked with the people I worked with and they all had gotten the short form which was basically a headcount. So I did the only reasonable thing under the circumstances. I accidently lost the mailed form and went down to the census office and asked for a blank one to fill out. Naturally I got the short form, which I completed and mailed in.

    I still got a last-minute visit from a census worker who said that their records showed that I hadn’t completed my form. I told them that I had mailed it in, and maybe they just hadn’t gotten it yet. I don’t know if they believed me, but they asked me would I please at least answer the minimum number of questions on the short form, which I did, and that satisfied them.

    Always happy to cooperate with my government, as long as my government sticks to the role mandated to it by the Constitution. And I don’t recall the government being interested in how many privies and chamberpots there were in each household back in the day.

    🙂

  24. Brad, I’ll work on that. The other day I had a guy call to tell me my computer sent a message indicating a problem. I told him I didn’t have much time so I’ll go get my credit card so he can get this taken care of right away. He hung up before I could give him a credit card number.

  29. My mom’s father was a post WWII Tin Can snipe and hated
    to be bothered at home.
    At home, all he wore was bib’alls and no t’shirt so
    you could see all of is tattoos. He was also a professional
    Country and State Fair “boxer”.
    When somebody would knock on their screen door, he’d
    put on his stupidest face, drool, and start acting like
    he was retarded as he approached the door. Then he’d start
    window licking.

    They never came back.

  33. Why waste your time filling out their forms when they can learn everything by listening through your cellphone and Samsung tv ?

    Unplug and defund the government and it’s ‘homeland security’.

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