Source For Trump Gridiron Material – The Conservative Treehouse (They have more, I’m not doing them all.)
Source for Kimmel Oscars Material – Breitbart
HT/ All Too Much
Kimmel- “Oscar is the most beloved, respected man in Hollywood. Keeps his hands where you can see them. Never says a rude word, and most importantly, no penis at all. He’s literally a statute of limitations. And that’s the kind of men we need more of in this town.”
Trump: My staff was concerned heading into this dinner that I couldn’t do self-deprecating humor. They were worried about it. They said, Can you do this? And I told them not to worry.
Nobody does self-deprecating humor better than I do. … In fact, Orrin Hatch, Orrin said that Donald Trump is the best at self-deprecating in the history of America, better than Washington and better than Lincoln. … Thank you, Orrin.
Kimmel- “Oscar is 90 years old tonight, which means he’s probably at home right now watching Fox News.
Trump: They told me my remarks tonight should be something like a late night routine. I have to tell you, in preparation, I did what any good late night comic would do these days. I called Chuck Schumer and I asked him for some talking points.
Kimmel- “Here’s how clueless Hollywood is: we made a movie called What Women Want, and it stars Mel Gibson.”
Trump: But Attorney General Sessions is here with us tonight. … I offered him a ride over and he recused himself.
Kimmel- “What’s happening is long overdue. We can’t let bad behavior slide anymore. We need to set an example… if we can do that, women will only have to deal with sexual harassment every other place they go.
Trump: …you the New York Times are an icon. I’m a New York icon, you’re a New York icon, and the only difference is, I still own my buildings.
I especially have a place in my heart for Arthur Sulzberger. … Our stories are almost mirror images. I inherited a million dollars from my father, had a great father, gave me a million dollars and I turned it into billions. True story. Arthur inherited billions of dollars and he turned his into millions. Hello Arthur.
Kimmel- “We don’t make films like Call Me By Your Name (A gay love story) to make money. We make them to upset Mike Pence.”
Trump: CNN, it lost a tremendous amount of credibility this year, but they also lost one of their true stars, the guy who got you the most scoops, inside info … your really very best reporter. There was nobody like him Steve Bannon. That guy leaked more than the Titanic …
Now the question everyone keeps asking is, Who’s going to be the next to leave? Steve Miller or Melania? … That is terrible honey, but you love me, right? … I wont tell you what she said. … She said, Behave. … Is that terrible?
It might be hard for you to believe, but I do enjoy gatherings like these. They give me a chance to socialize with members of the opposition party. … Also great to see some Democrats here.
I thought my State of the Union address was actually extraordinary. One of the best ever given. in fact Luis Gutierrez was so overcome with emotion at how good this particular speech was that he had to leave the chamber. He left and wept.
Oprah says shell run only if she gets the go ahead from the Almighty. All right Oprah, go ahead and run. …
The NRA just went on the offensive and it’s bad ass.
Better’n Bob Hope, Dean martin Johnathon Winters (well, not Winters) and Jack Benny.
Kimmel needs a price on his head. I’m a comedian. Wasn’t that funny?
Whoever wrote Kimmel’s material had it out for him.
I used to be the straight man in a gay comedy duo..
didn’t think Kimmel could sink any lower … guess I was wrong
With all honesty, the Trump jokes are among the funniest I’ve heard in a long time. Great stuff.
“Oprah says shell run only if she gets the go ahead from the Almighty. All right Oprah, go ahead and run…”
Ok, I get to be the party-pooper today I guess… I’m all for a good comedy routine, self deprecating humor, goading a weak opponent into a foolish move, and all that… But this kind of stuff flirts with trouble… Even at his station, he occupies the office by His grace. I pray he remembers that…
Oscar used to have his hands over his eyes, ears, and mouth
@Groucho ~ if Oscar was real he’d have his hands over his ass!
Thanks for the smiles! Kimmel just shows he’s a paid leftist tard.
When the time comes, he’ll be among the first to die.👍
MY jokes are funnier than Kimmel – that’s a pretty low bar to hurdle! 🙄
Oscar used to have his hands on a bunch of starlets
A lot of BUTT HURT in Hollywood tonight since “Call Me By Your Name” didn’t win “Best Picture.” But hey. There’d still be a lot of BUTT HURT tonight in Hollywood even if it had!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bcYppAs6ZdI
Someone want to list the nominees for Best Picture?
I can guarantee I never heard of them.
I had to look up Call Me movie because Kimmel joked about it.
Okay, I’ll be right back.
I heard of Darkest Hour and Dunkirk.
Kimmel
Let’s discuss this worthless piece of shit. For one reason or another he decided to suck George Soros old dick with the saggy balls. How far does he venture out of his comfort zone with armed guards and protocol? Not very. OK for me, but not for thee. Funny thing is he’s a tool for the Oligarchy. I don’t see him ever being accepted. He doesn’t have the pedigree. If he gets what he’s after they’ll haul him out behind the horse stables and put a bullet in his ear. That fraction of a second before they kill him, when he realizes what a stupid fucking dumb ass he is, needs to be recorded.
The awards were last night? I know nothing about them this year, but predict BLACK PANTHER sweeps every award next year.
That is rather appropriate, since it is based upon a COMIC BOOK character. I think the title should have been, BLACK PANTHER LICE.
Oh, and every conservative needs to see DEATH WISH. knock Hollywood off it’s liberal blocks, by making DEATH WISH the financial box office winner.
Trump has a wicked sense of humor, and he knows how to tell a joke. Kimmel is just a garden variety unemployed SJW liberal moron that you find wanking away on their apple computer and wasting time down @ Starbucks or whole foods
is there anything DJT cannot do ?
really ?
he has mastered it all.
better reality tv producer and star than the so called professionals
better comedian than the so called professionals
better politician than the so called professionals
the msm and all the other talking heads have their butts handed to them everyday by DJT.
no wonder they hate him so much
Whoever wrote Kimmel’s material had it out for him.
I think it was Sarah Silverman
Kimmel’s joke about Oscar’s penis reveals that liberals want all men to tape their penis down like Mooch does.
“Sorry, Kimmel, that’s for whoever pretends or desires to pose female. Maybe your son will.”