Babylon Bee: Brand New Section Of Hell Created For Antifa Where Nothing Is On Fire

Babylon Bee

Representatives from the Lake of Fire confirmed yesterday they are working on a brand new circle of Hell tailored for members of Antifa. This custom area will be a place where absolutely nothing is on fire and nothing is flammable, maximizing the eternal suffering of rioters sent there.

“We eventually realized these guys were so good at creating hell on earth that we had to get a little more creative in order to make sure these Antifa types don’t actually like it down here,” said Adolfus Wormwood, project manager for the new construction. “Nothing down here will catch fire. It’s cool, damp, and actually kind of pleasant. Every Antifa rioter’s worst nightmare!” More

19 Comments on Babylon Bee: Brand New Section Of Hell Created For Antifa Where Nothing Is On Fire

  1. …and they run to avoid the trucks charging at their roadblocks, but their legs…just…won’t…….move

    Over and over and over for eternity.

  2. Other things to put in The Antifa Circle Of Hell:

    * Constantly playing videos of Trump’s and Reagan’s speeches and rallies

    * U.S. Flags flying everywhere (indestructible)

    * The Bill of Rights posted everywhere

    * A Hellbot camera in their face recording their every moment

    * An endless loop of Ethyl Merman singing “God Bless America”

    * A window into Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other Communists pointing and laughing at them

  3. …give ’em the Sisyphus treatment.

    …tell ’em they can work their way out if they can maintain a thriving business selling ice water next to the Lake of Fire to the demons (work ALONE is hell for them) for 30 years, with the demons cursing them, stealing from them, beating them, and shitting on their sidewalk for all of those 30 years, but on the last day of Year 29, the demons burn their business down and drag them into the streets of hell for all the other demons to beat them because Jesus cast a demon out and the other demons need someone to take it out on. Make ’em watch the business they took care of for all those years burn to nothing, then tell them they failed so they can’t leave hell, and they have to start all over again.

    And THIS time, they have to HIRE demons as workers and are NEVER allowed to fire them no matter how much they slack off and let their friends steal, and give demons running a competing ice water stand free water while they have to PAY for theirs because of thousands of years of demon oppression, then they get to try to build their business up AGAIN with most of their cups being taken away and given to the demon stand because of demon haters, and do this over and over for all eternity…

  4. I think we’re all overlooking the fact that the most desirable real estate in Hell is going to be wasted on a low income housing project.

  5. I remember a satire from the early 1970’s where John Astin played a hard charging party animal type – always talking, boasting, joking, laughing and with an entertaining personality. Well he did lots of bad stuff and was sentenced to an eternity in hell. When he got there, all the people in his little corner of hell were very boring people who looked boring and talked only about boring things. He yelled at them for being bores. For him, it was really Hell.

    I just looked it up – it was a segment in Night Gallery.

  6. TimBuktu: That was on Night Gallery. The people he was with were showing slides of their vacations. When Astin said that it didn’t seem like it was hell for them, the reply was “One person’s hell is another person’s heaven.”

    I thought of that same episode when I first saw this thread, too.

  7. This may. be a shock to some, hell is the deepest blackness there is. The Creator is pure light, where he is not is pure black.

  8. Maybe they won’t be frisked for BICs as they enter, and they will turn to burning each other if nothing else is available to destroy.

    Which, if you think about it, is what they are doing now. They are surrounded by the land of opportunity yet they are trying to destroy it.

  9. @ Jimmy

    Light Bulb Johnson has been too busy practicing Kama Sutra positions with Peg Sanger. She taught LBJ the “Gator Bait” position where she clamps her legs on his head. It sure put a smile on Lady Bird’s face.

  10. speaking of ‘middle management’, anyone remember Peter Gibbins?

    …. that’ll be greaaaaaaaaaaat
    (& I know he didn’t say that)


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