Wendy Bell (Wendy Bell Radio) took the day off today so we’re on our own.
[Sean Parnell guest hosted].
I’ll start: I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
25 Comments on Bad Joke Friday (Unplugged)
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Did you hear about the blue ship that collided with a red ship? The survivors were marooned.
Why do Bees buzz? You’d buzz to if your honey was between your legs.
Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your genes.
A guy goes to the doctor; the doctor says he has AIDS.
Guy asks, “What can you do for me?”
Doc says, “We’ll put you in a room and start you on a diet of pancakes and flounder.”
The guy asks, “Will that cure me?”
The doc says, “No, it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”
How do you catch a Polar Bear? Cut a hole in the ice and place peas around the hole! When the bear comes to take a pea kick in in the ice hole!
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians. And the politicians can go on the air and kid the the people.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics!
What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket? Two points just like everyone else!
I won $3 million playing the lottery and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75!
An old man is on his deathbed. He becomes vaguely aware of the aroma of chocolate chip cookies. The smell becomes so strong that the man in his delirium says to himself “if it’s the last thing I do, I must have one of those cookies!”
Summoning all of his strength, the man flings himself off the bed and pulls himself along the floor and into the kitchen. There on the table above him is a plate of fresh cookies.
With one withered, shaking hand, he reaches for a cookie, only to be smacked by a spatula.
“Those are for the funeral” his wife snaps.
What did George Washington say to the troops just before they crossed the Delaware?
O.K., everyone get in the boats.
Tampons in the men’s room.
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!
That everybody in Congress or nominated by the president and confirmed by the Senate actually read and understood the Constitution that they all took an oath and swore to support and defend.
“Joey Biden got 81 million votes!”
That’s been a bad joke for three and a half years. Of course, xiden himself has been a bad joke for at least 52 years.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? Debris everywhere.
@mod — You mean the factory that bleu up?
How do the Catholic priests make holy water?
They boil the hell out of it.
What is the least spoken language on Earth?
Sign…
Gee Wally, the teacher told us she needs an example of the word “Eternity” on Monday:
Well, Beave, how ’bout 4 Blondes, in 4 cars, at a 4way stop.
I dunno Wally… will I get in trouble for that?
Yep.
I posted this one earlier this week, but originally intended it for today, so forgive me if you’ve seen it before –
So this dood walks into a seedy old café in Vegas.
He sits down at the counter next to an old cowboy with his arms folded blankly staring at the full bowl of chili in front of him.
After a few minutes of watching him stare at the chili, the dood asks the old cowboy, “If you ain’t gonna eat that, mind if I do?”
The old cowboy slowly turns his head toward the dood, gives him the grumpy old guy squint, nods his head and sez, “Sure bud, you go right ahead.”
Eagerly, the dood reaches over and slides the bowl over to him and starts spooning it down with gusto. He gets nearly down to the end and notices a dead mouse in the bottom of the chili. The sight of it was so shocking he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, “Yep… that’s as far as I got too”.
The Chief of the Vatican Laundry told a reporter that Pope Frances’ underpants were “Holy”.
Lament heard coming from a public pay toilet! “Here I sit all broken hearted paid a nickel and only farted”!
what did the inventor of the first track shoes with an integral stop watch have to say when interviewed? why, these are the soles that time men’s tries! probably stolen from mr. peabody.
Seen on a wall in a gas station rest room:
The words Phil Atio Loves Connie Lingus, inside a heart shape with an arrow through it.
Did you here about the antennas that got married? The ceremony was nice, but the reception was fantastic.