Bicycle Story Sent In To Tweak Me – IOTW Report

Bicycle Story Sent In To Tweak Me

As Kirk shakes a fist to the sky and yells, KHAN, I shake a fist and yell, iLLUSTR8R!!! She knows these bike stories set me off like a Muslim briefcase clock.

Seattle is upgrading bike lanes to Gold and Emerald status. What does that mean?

That means these routes get first priority for plowing in a snow storm. Get that?

Seattle might not get to roads that are less than Gold and Emerald status, you know, roads for cars and trucks and ambulances and oil companies and electric companies and curriers, because they MUST CLEAR THE BIKE LANES.

Let’s put it in this perspective. Cars are evil because they emit PLANET RAPING EMISSIONS!!!! But they will send out a team of PLANET RAPERS to plow an area that only the most insane moron will be using.

Who bikes in a snow storm?

Is it a requirement before you Go Green to smack your head with a ball peen hammer until you are sluggish?

I hope they slip and crack their goofy skulls open, these seven or so bikers, because those skulls are not protecting anything worth its weight in pisswater.

 

33 Comments on Bicycle Story Sent In To Tweak Me

  1. They got this sh!t from Sweden, I believe…because FEMINISM!
    It seems they determined women bike more and men drive or walk.

    Need ta have a talk with that illustr8r….

  2. But hilly Seattle is notorious for icy, slippery streets. There are famous videos of cars slowly sliding a half a block or more and crashing into parked cars, utility poles and unforgiving curbs.

    Imagine some booger eating socialist sitting atop his fallen $3500 Schwinn Podesta Pizza Special as it pinballs amongst the sliding carts, city buses and SUVs!

    A metaphor of the mindlessness of the leftist Mindset, if there ever was one!!!

  3. I live an hour and a half from Seattle and I want you to know that not everybody in Western Washington is as Looney Tunes as the morons in Seattle. In fact Trump won the county I live in, Seattle was around 80-20 for the witch.

  4. And as the fallen biker lay bleeding from zer massive head contusion incurred in the slippery accident, ze must once again ask the question…Why is this happening? This is the 7th biker this season to have suffered a similar fate. Why are zey falling? And why are the emergency response teams so slow to respond? Do zey need new snow tires? And all on a day when my favorite barista was unable to make it in to work due to the storm. If only she could afford a bike I might not have missed my morning decaf soy latte.

  5. “Here in Montana I frequently see people riding bicycles in the winter. I also see them in a pile on the ground fairly often.”

    It is because they can’t get a driver’s license after their seventh DUI

  6. So let’s think about the practical aspect of this. Bikes ride on the side of the road, so the side of the road must now be plowed first. The the plow has to clear the road for cars. To plow for cars, you plow from the center out, so the plow drives down the center of the road and pushes all the snow into the bike lanes. Then the plow has to make a THIRD pass to re-clear the bike lane.

    Way to go environmentalists! Eleventy!

  7. Watch. Some brain dead ass hole riding a bicycle in the snow is going to get hurt. Then the ass hole will declare bike lanes an Attractive Nuisance and sue the city. Seattle needs a couple hundred pitfall traps for their bike lanes. Add a water slide that’ll launch those weirdos and their bikes about 150 feet into Puget Sound.

  8. Just got home from a trip into Seattle. The place is nuts. The only thing that’ll put it out of its misery is a 7.5 under downtown. Otherwise, stay away.

    I can’t believe I was born there. When I was a kid, it was a Republican town (Boeing). We never locked our doors and you could walk anywhere, day or night. Now… *sigh*

  9. Fancy bike plus the shoes and some fancy outfits, what’s that set you back? Couple grand?
    Look Bike dudes, buy some cross country skis and you could be all on trend.
    Or go all Hipster and snowshoe to work.

  10. It doesn’t work: they already tried it in Sweden or some such country a month or so ago and it made a clusterfuck, with legitimate traffic super congested and the town coming to a standstill. Way to go, lib-tards!

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