Dear Tech Support—- – IOTW Report

Dear Tech Support—-

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

(The response that came weeks later out of the blue.)

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck

Tech Support 

19 Comments on Dear Tech Support—-

  1. Lol… I believe I’m currently at Beer 7.0 but my wife has never required the Tears software.

    We have an interesting but solid relationship.

    This, however, reminds me of my days in tech support.

    I got a call where the guys computer wouldn’t turn on. I verified that neither the monitor nor desktop would power on (back then many thought the monitor was a computer). So I asked him to follow the ‘large black cable’ from the desktop to the outlet to make sure it was plugged in.

    He needed to get a flashlight, so I said ‘yep, it’s dark under some desks.’

    He then saud ‘No, that’s not it. The power went out in the house…’

    I quickly hit the mute before I started laughing hysterically… Then calmly told him that the computer requires power…

    It was in ’95. Very few laptops around.

  2. Pro Tip; Husband 1.0 will run your other applications more efficiently if you run Bedroom 6.9 as a routine maintenance application instead of RUNONCE at install and never again.

  3. I would recommend installing Quitcherbitchin 1.0 and try restarting BJ 5.0.
    Should have an immediate results, maybe not Boyfriend 5.0, but something better than Husband 1.0.

  4. Dear Desparate
    Clearly you are not maintaining the husband 1.0 hard drive. This is not an option.

    It is also possible that you are an entitled, lazy wife. (Sorry, didn’t have an analogy for that one)

  5. fullmetal256,

    I had one of those calls – lady called to complain that her cup holder broke.

    Me: Cup holder? Where is it?

    Her: You know, the cup holder comes out when you press that button.

    Me: You mean that tray that has a hole in the middle?

    Her: Yes, it broke. You make it from flimsy plastic.

    Me: That’s because the tray is for your CD, not a heavy cup of coffee.

    Her: Slam.

  6. Husband 1.0 requires that you maintain the high quality Graphic User Interface environment that Boyfriend 5.0 ran under, perhaps even adding new plugins as you increase the load to be processed. Also, the tactile feedback input can NOT be discontinued if you want to keep Husband 1.0 running at Boyfriend clock speeds.

  7. @Claudia,

    Lol… i never got a call about a broken cup holder, but some did complain that the cupholder wasn’t designed properly to fit all cup sizes…

    I did get a call about the poorly designed foot switch…

  8. Next week Friday will be Fifty-five Years under the current operating system with a four year trial period to decide on the purchase. You could say the system doesn’t turn on anymore. There is no restart under the current operating system and the Sicilian processing program is very dangerous to try and reboot without multitudes of dinner and wine outside of the normal operating system.

    The IBM 1401 was the initial suggested go to hardware.


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