The Daily Mail is engaging in #Fap News, with huge headlines about The Juice being possibly denied parole after being caught shaking hands with Abe Lincoln in his jail cell.
The story went on to say that this is expressly forbidden in federal prisons.
Huh?
It’s illegal to engage in a dutch rudder, but not to have a little alone time. That would fall under “cruel and unusual punishment.”
At least he wasn’t dropping the kids off at the pool.
HE WAS EMANCIPATING, NOT MASTURBATING!!
In their defense, It has previously been determined that yanking your own quiver will always make it available to find the true murderer….
What’s the age limit when one finally stops feeding the geese anyway? Isn’t he around 70?
“shaking hands with Abe Lincoln”
“feeding the geese”
I am getting a full urban lingo lesson today, thank you.
@Fritz – You’ve never heard the story of Johnny Fappleseed?
Now we know who the real shooter is.
LOL @ Dutch Rudder
Jackin’ the Beanstalk
The Juice unleashes The Juice.
I KNEW the comments here were going to make me laugh! Keep those euphemisms “coming”. 😂
So, this nurse is making her rounds checking on the patients on the dementia ward. She walks into Gary’s room, and there he is on his back in bed, with his hands at 10 and 2 like he’s holding a steering wheel.
“Gary? What are you doing?”
“I’m driving to Detroit!” he replies.
She leaves and enters Jimmy’s room which is right next door. There is Jimmy in bed really going to town on himself.
“Jimmy! What are you doing?!”
“I’m fucking Gary’s wife while he’s in Detroit!”
O.J. has spread more seed in prison than Michael J. Fox at a bird feeder.
“draining the swamp”
“polishing the pole”
“playing pocket pool”
“practicing being married” (from my Mennonite brother)
“dating my self”
Churning butter
Chalking the pool cue.
spanking the monkey
Pulling the pud
Was he using a glove that fit?
5 Knuckle Shuffle
Waxin’ The Carrot
Floggin’ The Dolphin
Shaking Hands With The Unemployed
Going To Palm Beach
Workin’ The Gherkin
Beating the Bishop – nothing like a Catholic education
Mary Palmer and her five sisters?
You know the old saying:
‘Show me a man that says he never choked his chicken and I’ll show you a man with feathers from one end of his house to the other ….’
HOLY SHIT IT’S ILLEGAL TO JERK OFF IN PRISON? ! ! ! !
Next they’ll be outlawing anal rape in prison. WHAT’S THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?
That’s why I could never buy the Edward Scissorhands story – an adolescent male, with scissor hands, still able to please the ladies?
Ce Impossible!
Unbelievable insensitive bullshit story:
http://www.golf.com/tour-news/2017/07/19/oj-simpson-facing-parole-hearing-tell-them-well-be-playing-golf-again-soon
If he choked, you must revoke
@LocoBlancoSaltine, he “coaches a softball team in prison”? I’ll bet he does…
Five finger discharge
O. J. stands for Oiler Jizzin’
With “the lights on”?
Hush, hush, sweet children
Say not a word!
For Christopher Robin
is bashing his bird!