Well, one day a man came running into the doctor’s office with half his forearm hanging off his left arm screaming, “Doctor! Doctor! My arm’s broke! Please! Oh, PlEASE fix it and make it like my other one!”
So, the doctor immediately went to work and placed the man under anesthesia to begin his medical practice.
A short while later the patient finally woke up and desperately gazed upon, not one…but TWO broken arms.
10
I seem to remember reading somewhere that a doctor who’s last name was Doctor, ended up marrying a nurse who’s last name, you guessed it, was Nurse. So Doctor Doctor married Nurse Nurse.
A doctor that lived down the street from me was arrested for dealing drugs and pain pills.
.
I had been seeing him for years never know he was a doctor.
15
“Doctor I cant stop singing WHY WHY WHY Delilah.”
.
“Sounds like you have Tom Jones syndrome.”
.
“Never heard of it is it a common illness?”
.
“It’s not unusual”
25
A beautiful Redhead that walked into the doctor’s office.
When asked what’s the problem was she answered: “Everything hurts”
The doctor said: “What do you mean everything hurts?”
The beautiful Redhead took her index finger and touched her ankle and said “Ooooh, that hurts!”
Then she touched her thigh with her index finger and said: “Ooooh, that hurts!”
Then she touched her stomach with her index finger and said: “Ooooh, that hurts!”
Then she touched her head with her index finger and said: “Ooooh, that hurts!”
The doctor said: “Ok stop. Yer not a real Redhead are you?”
Perplexed, she said: “Ah, no… I’m really a blonde. How did you know?”
Doctor: “Yer finger’s broke”
14
Edit: A beautiful Redhead walks into the doctor’s office.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have their head examined
9
So a guys wife always adds a can of specialty ham when she makes meat loaf. So one day at dinner her husband keeps saying the meat loaf is fantastic, when he starts eating it. He keeps saying all during dinner just how good it is. At the end of dinner he asks what she did to make it taste so great. She says “nothing, I made it the same way as always”. While she is cleaning up in kitchen later see finds she got a can of dog food mixed up with the specialty ham, and had mixed it in with the hamburger not knowing her mistake, and says nothing to her husband about the mix-up. A few weeks later she has a checkup at her doctors. And while she was there she ask the doctor if dog food is okay to eat. He explains that its okay and safe for dogs as well as humans. So from then on every-time she made meat-loaf she added a can of dog food, to keep her husband happy. A few months go by when she happens to bump into her doctor in the grocery store. The doctor asks how her husband is doing. “Oh, she says he died a month ago.” “I’m sorry to hear that the doctor says, “What happened?” “Oh, she says he was chasing cars down the street and got hit by a truck.”
11
Patient to Doctor: It hurts when I do this! Doctor to Patient: Then stop doing that!
9
Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news …
6
A woman went into her doctor’s office complaining of chest pains. They did an EKG and some blood tests.
“You’re fine. It was probably just indigestion.”
That evening, her husband drove her to the ER where they said she was having a heart attack and did emergency stent placements.
The joke was the doctor’s office.
3
Deplorable 2nd Class –
Like the Old Timer used to say: “That’s pretty good, but that ain’t the way I heer’d it!”
The way I heer’d it the punch line wuz:
“Oh, she says, he got hit by a truck while sitting in the middle of the street licking his balls.”
4
The other night, the kids and me were sitting in the living room talking when they asked me if I had a living will. So I said to them: “Look, I never want to live in a Biden state of existance, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
With that they got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my beer!
10
I went to see a doctor the other day. It went ok until he wanted to stick his finger up my ass. I told myself, “I need to find a new dentist.”
11
“Doctor, doctor, I broke my leg in three places!”
“Then stop going to those three places!”
5
I called to make an appointment to see my doctor, they said they could squeeze me in in six months.
2
What do you call a Doctor that graduates at the bottom of his class?
Doctor.
6
Chinese guy goes to the Optometrist and the doctor tells him he has a cataract and the Chinese guy say no I drive a Rincoln
9
A black guy went home after going to the doctor. He had on a new suit.
His wife asked why he got himself a new suit.
The guy says, because the doctor told me I’m im-potent
11
unidentified-person put on a tuxedo, went to vasectomy appointment. heard that if you want be impotent, you gotta look impotent.
4
want to be impotent…
2
Harry: I thought I’d give it a G rating so I tweaked it. I’ve heard several versions also.
1
I called to make an appointment to see a doctor who’s only loyalty is to the patient and not one who the patient’s wellbeing is subordinate to his desire to implement the latest current thing on the progressive movement’s agenda or is bought and paid for by Big Pharma. The receptionist ask me if that was a joke.
2
1980, Russian Man calls the hospital and says “My GP says I need a colonoscopy.”
The hospital says well we can schedule you for July 2nd 1983.
“That’s almost 2 years from now!” the man complained.
“That is the best we can do says the receptionist.”
“Okay”says the man grudgingly “but can you make in the morning, I have a dentist appointment that morning”
3
“If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”
9
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, and then signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”
5
Didja hear about the gynecologist who just hated when Hillary came in for a check up?
As soon as her feet hit the stirrups the furnace always kicked on!
Well, one day a man came running into the doctor’s office with half his forearm hanging off his left arm screaming, “Doctor! Doctor! My arm’s broke! Please! Oh, PlEASE fix it and make it like my other one!”
So, the doctor immediately went to work and placed the man under anesthesia to begin his medical practice.
A short while later the patient finally woke up and desperately gazed upon, not one…but TWO broken arms.
I seem to remember reading somewhere that a doctor who’s last name was Doctor, ended up marrying a nurse who’s last name, you guessed it, was Nurse. So Doctor Doctor married Nurse Nurse.
Doctors in 2024 won’t get the joke.
Dr. Vinnie Boombatz.
https://youtu.be/Bg36PU96U0w?si=lPN-j38DlSL1mtNa
A doctor that lived down the street from me was arrested for dealing drugs and pain pills.
.
I had been seeing him for years never know he was a doctor.
“Doctor I cant stop singing WHY WHY WHY Delilah.”
.
“Sounds like you have Tom Jones syndrome.”
.
“Never heard of it is it a common illness?”
.
“It’s not unusual”
A beautiful Redhead that walked into the doctor’s office.
When asked what’s the problem was she answered: “Everything hurts”
The doctor said: “What do you mean everything hurts?”
The beautiful Redhead took her index finger and touched her ankle and said “Ooooh, that hurts!”
Then she touched her thigh with her index finger and said: “Ooooh, that hurts!”
Then she touched her stomach with her index finger and said: “Ooooh, that hurts!”
Then she touched her head with her index finger and said: “Ooooh, that hurts!”
The doctor said: “Ok stop. Yer not a real Redhead are you?”
Perplexed, she said: “Ah, no… I’m really a blonde. How did you know?”
Doctor: “Yer finger’s broke”
Edit: A beautiful Redhead walks into the doctor’s office.
Whats Is Up, Docs
https://i.postimg.cc/v8VcF9yN/ARC-FIVE.jpg
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have their head examined
So a guys wife always adds a can of specialty ham when she makes meat loaf. So one day at dinner her husband keeps saying the meat loaf is fantastic, when he starts eating it. He keeps saying all during dinner just how good it is. At the end of dinner he asks what she did to make it taste so great. She says “nothing, I made it the same way as always”. While she is cleaning up in kitchen later see finds she got a can of dog food mixed up with the specialty ham, and had mixed it in with the hamburger not knowing her mistake, and says nothing to her husband about the mix-up. A few weeks later she has a checkup at her doctors. And while she was there she ask the doctor if dog food is okay to eat. He explains that its okay and safe for dogs as well as humans. So from then on every-time she made meat-loaf she added a can of dog food, to keep her husband happy. A few months go by when she happens to bump into her doctor in the grocery store. The doctor asks how her husband is doing. “Oh, she says he died a month ago.” “I’m sorry to hear that the doctor says, “What happened?” “Oh, she says he was chasing cars down the street and got hit by a truck.”
Patient to Doctor: It hurts when I do this! Doctor to Patient: Then stop doing that!
Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news …
A woman went into her doctor’s office complaining of chest pains. They did an EKG and some blood tests.
“You’re fine. It was probably just indigestion.”
That evening, her husband drove her to the ER where they said she was having a heart attack and did emergency stent placements.
The joke was the doctor’s office.
Deplorable 2nd Class –
Like the Old Timer used to say: “That’s pretty good, but that ain’t the way I heer’d it!”
The way I heer’d it the punch line wuz:
“Oh, she says, he got hit by a truck while sitting in the middle of the street licking his balls.”
The other night, the kids and me were sitting in the living room talking when they asked me if I had a living will. So I said to them: “Look, I never want to live in a Biden state of existance, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
With that they got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my beer!
I went to see a doctor the other day. It went ok until he wanted to stick his finger up my ass. I told myself, “I need to find a new dentist.”
“Doctor, doctor, I broke my leg in three places!”
“Then stop going to those three places!”
I called to make an appointment to see my doctor, they said they could squeeze me in in six months.
What do you call a Doctor that graduates at the bottom of his class?
Doctor.
Chinese guy goes to the Optometrist and the doctor tells him he has a cataract and the Chinese guy say no I drive a Rincoln
A black guy went home after going to the doctor. He had on a new suit.
His wife asked why he got himself a new suit.
The guy says, because the doctor told me I’m im-potent
unidentified-person put on a tuxedo, went to vasectomy appointment. heard that if you want be impotent, you gotta look impotent.
want to be impotent…
Harry: I thought I’d give it a G rating so I tweaked it. I’ve heard several versions also.
I called to make an appointment to see a doctor who’s only loyalty is to the patient and not one who the patient’s wellbeing is subordinate to his desire to implement the latest current thing on the progressive movement’s agenda or is bought and paid for by Big Pharma. The receptionist ask me if that was a joke.
1980, Russian Man calls the hospital and says “My GP says I need a colonoscopy.”
The hospital says well we can schedule you for July 2nd 1983.
“That’s almost 2 years from now!” the man complained.
“That is the best we can do says the receptionist.”
“Okay”says the man grudgingly “but can you make in the morning, I have a dentist appointment that morning”
“If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, and then signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”
Didja hear about the gynecologist who just hated when Hillary came in for a check up?
As soon as her feet hit the stirrups the furnace always kicked on!