Detroit Free Press
A home inspector caught pleasuring himself with an Elmo doll has been charged with two misdemeanor counts in a Rochester Hills district court.
Kevin Wayne VanLuven, 59, was arraigned on charges of aggravated indecent exposure and malicious destruction of property under $200. Bond was set at $2,500 cash or surety.
The charges stem from a March 12 incident in Oxford Township, when homeowners asked to have their property inspected at request of the buyers. A nursery camera detected movement, the news release said, so the 22-year-old homeowner checked her phone and caught VanLuven in the act. After he finished pleasuring himself, he returned the doll to its original place, the release said. More
Wasn’t Miss Piggy available?
Lol, earth men be strange sometimes 😂
I thought for sure Hunter would have been caught snorting parmesan cheese off the home owners floor.
Yeah but, was he wearing a mask??
In his defense though, that Elmo doll was HHHHHHOT!
Cookie Monster did got that way.
…you probably could have seen this if you’d asked the guy “What’s long and green and smells like Miss Piggy”, and he was REALLY interested in the answer…
Just Axing
APRIL 8, 2021 AT 2:04 PM
“Wasn’t Miss Piggy available?”
..he’s a pervert, not a home wrecker…
…I remember one time when the Interent was just new and I was new to it, and not aware that it’s primary purpose was pornography and perversion. I was aware that it was a way to find anything, anywhere though, and I wanted to get a Radio Shack Robotic Arm to show my then very young son what Daddy did at work, but they didn’t make them for sale at Radio Shacks any more. It wasn’t REALLY a robotic arm because the joints weren’t independant and it was joystick driven instead of in any way autonomous, and purely mechanical besides, but it was close enough to show a 5 year old what a robot arm is.
So, to that end, I took him on my knee and fired up my Windows 98 machine (which I hung onto WAY too long) and proceeded to use Internet Explorer to get to surfing. I typed in a really innocuous term, something like “Radio Shack Robot Arm”, and clicked on the first hit I got.
Which proved to be a very graphic description of how a man liked to use a Radio Shack Robotic Arm to jerk himself off, because he liked the way the rubber tipped claws felt when they squeezed on the head of his dick.
CTRL-ALT-DEL.
Thank God my son, who was actually not a bad reader even then, didn’t read those words that quickly, and that the Internet was still kinda too new to support pictures and video in anything resembling a rapid way, but I certainly learned something more about what a sad, lonley, creepy, and mentally ill place the Interwebs could be that day.
Not to mention that, in the pre-Facebook days, even THEN people were oversharing for all to see.
…and I also learned something about search engines.
Because while I don’t know which one this was, that was the FIRST result.
…kind of makes it a little more obvious how we got where we are NOW if THAT was where we STARTED…
About the same point in time as your adventure on the web SNS I did the same thing innocently searching for the first my favorite form of automobiles… Hot Rods. I was buried with stories like ‘Me and my roommate’s hot rod’, etc. Lesson learned. This is one sick planet.
Badco: Never use shortform when looking for transmissions.
He could be heard during the act saying tickle me Elmo, tickle me Elmo!
Detroit Man…
It must be Florida Man’s day off.
jellybean
APRIL 8, 2021 AT 2:23 PM
“Yeah but, was he wearing a mask??”
..who, the inspector, or Elmo?
“After he finished pleasuring himself, he returned the doll to its original place, the release said.”
The release, lol. The author has a sense of humor.
Kevin Wayne VanLuven should change his name to Kevin B. Dolluven.
Where do I start? Pervert gets horny while doing a house inspection and he goes after an Elmo doll? Why not jerk his gherkin in the bathroom? In this day and age, there are cameras everywhere, so why even attempt this? An Elmo doll??
…but did the house pass the inspection or not?
ǝpɐɥsʇɥɓᴉuɹǝdnS : Elmo did!
…sooo…as long as Elmo puts out, the house (wink, wink) “passes”?
…I see how this is. Corrupt top to bottom they are, trading sexual favors for a good report…
I too, like a nice redhead. But, one that is a stuffed animal & a male as well? Probably not my type.
My wife found out the “hard” way that you don’t search for “Tushy”…
She was looking for the company, they make a bolt-on bidet attachment for normal toilets.
She was NOT a campy happer!