Be a dear and insist the grocer get the zucchini from the warehouse. It’s where they keep the good ones.
And don’t forget the drycleaning.
I can’t babysit Joe on Friday. Please make other arrangements.
I want my Girl Scout daughter back!
Moose has no right to enslave her in ‘her garden’.
You have shit stuck between your teeth.
Here is the coupon for Chick fil a….now can we go?
“Really, it’s only pixie dust”…
Your drugs will be ready in two hours….
I’ve made reservations at “our” place – Reggie
This is the estimate for the dog bite.
Please send Michelle to a trainer!
Just like the economy, your fake personal history will come crashing down on you.
If you are going to continue to foment war between the races, we are gonna need our flag back.
The doctor wants 10,000 for the abortion…..50,000 hush money.
Get me some coffee, waiter. Black with two sugars.
Your wife wants a three way….will I do?
Hope you’re on camera when the polonium kicks in.
The package has arrived. Primo. Check with your caddy.
The store was out of your smokes….
She handed him a note from God that says, Dear Barry quit trying to pretend that you’re God because I AM and you are not. Please don’t disregard this warning and have a nice day. Signed, your loving saviour who died even for the likes of you. PS the flies are just the beginning.
IOU one slap
Slap my ass and call me Sally
If you were not a queer you could be riding me tonight.
I wrote you a letter. Haha.
Can you make it rain tacos?
Flexible yet? – Vlad
That wasn’t lemonade you drank.
We are SO over!!!!
I got your dress and Shoes….do you want a G string or panties?
“Fredo…I mean Barry….you should go fishing”….
I saw you in the bathroom. You didn’t wash your hands.
This ‘Butch’ is what passes for SS protection now?
THE JIGS UP
Assuming this is real and not Photoshop, no protection detail allows a random crowd member to just reach out and touch The Person’s person. If real. Of course, his Secret Service could all be drunk or stoned.
Possibly she’s a known staffer and “cleared”, but even that would be incredibly sloppy. Unless yes, she’s passing a phone# for her gay hunky roommate.
Im a dermatologist, I can WHACK that disgusting mole off your ugly face.
I warned you about leaving Joe Biden unattended at my shop.
He is now full of sugar and caffeine and the owner of a squirrel.
Good luck with that.
I wrote your personal phone number in the port-a-potty, as you asked.
Ok, just saw this on bigger screen. I call Photoshop.
The crowd is looking about 30 degrees to the right of the spot where Obama has been inserted.
None of them are actually looking AT him.
Not that I would blame them.
What are you going to do…boy? Eye ball me to death?
The guacamole has peas in it.
Friendly FYI Sir, the flies are blowing you cause you smell like shit.
“Hillary wanted to make sure you had her new e-mail address *wink*”
July 8, 2014
“A woman slips a note into the President’s front shirt pocket as he greeted pedestrians during an impromptu walk in downtown Denver, Colorado.”
(Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)
Communist cell meeting tonight at Valerie’s place. 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
“This is sure to get me on IOTWreport…..”
iOwntheworld is now iotwreport
Change your name to Mr. Serious. We’re having fun quit being a downer.
The Viagra is wearing off, hurry the fuck up!!!
Coupon for a “Free Brazilian Wax” in the Steakhouse Back room
Rufus T Firefly
GO AWAY WE DONT GIVE A FUCK
Did you pee yourself again….
My husband is ‘Bad Brad’ he wants to challenge you to a weight lifting contest.
The lyrics are not “Scuse me while I kiss this guy”
Air Force One $228k/hr
White House Events $Undisclosed millions
Screwing Americans Priceless
Will Faint for Food
You have white powder on your nose….
“Thanks for the mamaries”
There’s actually no note. She’s stealing
his cell phone.
Hillary called ” Pawn to Rook four”
Joe is on the ‘red’ phone again
Allahu Fubar Brother. ISIS has an offer you can’t refuse.
This photo is a year old? MJA? If so it must have been a “cleared’ crowd. So here is my winning entry:
Dear Barack. I am Joy Blojobe, President of WMWOA, White Moonstruck Women of America. We need to talk. Tel. 666 1313.
Nieto wants his money for the last batch of imported criminals. Pay up shithead, or we’re sending the cartels after you and the pooch.
I’ve got my husband’s balls in my purse. You could use them.
Your Tampax just fell out of your pant leg. Better get that thing tightened up.
Lesbian orgy at 8:00 behind the steakhouse. Don’t bring Mooch.
Ok. I slipped you the note so you could look like you like womens. Now where’s my $100 bucks?!
Could you give this note to your wife?! She’s hot!
Dick Sucking Contest Tonight. My house. Everybody’s betting on you.
I know the name of your daughters father.
“How does it feel to be the last Black President?”
Seal Team Six
I have photos of Reggie stroking your uvula.
Reggie says you might want to go see a doctor…
Glad to see you here. I felt real bad about forgetting to tip you outside the opera last week, it was really weighing on me.
Here’s your $20
Leader of iSIS wants you to join them for a rooftop pow wow.
“Is Hillz doing anything tonight?”
Michelle is the father of my son. For a cool $10,000,000, I can forget my night with “Sasquatch.” P.S. – I named him Barry.
Note says…”The clinic called.. You tested positive.. Better tell Reggie..”
Can we please get the big yellow box back!
Bend over! Mooch has something for you.
You blithering idiot! Davy Crockett wore a COON skin cap, NOT BEAVER. Didn’t they teach you anything about America pop culture in your Indonesian Muslim school?
Charles Manson sends his congratulations on the progress of your race war.
Joe Biden is licking the Limo windows again.
Joe Biden is playing with the Nukes.
It’s actually a hand drawn bulls-eye on one side. She’s placing it so that side can be seen by the snipers from 400 yards.
That film you want to see is ready:
A Short History of the Penis
Biden is swimming naked again.
Reggie is in Suite 722, right next to yours.
“It makes my heart leap as I look out on this sea of black faces.”
Soebarkah tell Jarrett to allow us to talk, we have Subud business to discuss, urgent.
Sorry sir but drug store said your extra large Tampons are on back order.
Congratulations, you sodomite.
“The owner of the silver BMW is ready for his car.”
Big Sam is back from Canada and he’s single.
You need Mooch like a monkey needs a bicycle! Let’s ditch him and go ape together!
A bill for all the damage he caused the country and for the room and board, plus the vacations taken.
Gender reassignment counselling is important for a successful transition. See you at the next session. Your sponsor, Juliette.
That’s really a dipstick. She’s the one who checks to make sure he’s still full of shit enough to work without a teleprompter.