68 Comments on Guy Says Everything an IKEA Employee Wants To Say
Ikea: Batteries not included: Some assembly required.
6
“IKEA… The Movie”… LOL
19
That guy has to be in New York!
10
The music is perfect.
13
Excellent!!!
12
I worked retail while in high school.
I remember when customers would ask if there was any “in the back”, and we knew there was none.
Of course we would say “I’ll check”, then hang out in the back for five or so minutes in the break room and then come out and shrug. Experience proved that the “customer is always right” and saying that you knew there wasn’t anything would send them directly to the manager. So, just play the game and get a 5 minute break for free!
23
I guess people didn’t get enough pressed wood crap in the 70’s and 80’s to throw away later at the next free dump weekend..
You can’t polish a turd.
8
I HATE IKEA
NOWHERE ON EARTH DO YOU MANEUVER YOURSELF THRU THRONGS OF FAT PEOPLE FOR 5 MILES TO WRITE DOWN A PRODUCT NUMBER, GO TO THE WAREHOUSE, PULL THE CRAP OUT OF THE BAY, PUSH IT TO YOUR CAR, TIE IT TO THE ROOF, TAKE IT HOME AND BEGIN THE 2 DAY ASSEMBLY, ONLY TO FIND YOU MISSED STRP 3 OF 87, DISASSEMBLE, START OVER, MISREAD THE BAD ENGLISH OF STEP 17, RIP IT APART AND TURN IT INTO FIREWOOD, DRINK BEER AND MAKE S’MORES!!!!!
*^^%$#*FCUK!8EA!!!!!
16
Something good for display is about all it’s good for.
3
i think i’ll watch that again and take notes
8
As a baker, I always heard the More in the Back question. Once, I got a request from a customer to let her inspect all our flour, butter, eggs, sugars, etc. to see if they were all KOSHER. I explained that modern grocery store bakeries usually don’t have ingredients, but finish either par baked doughs or put packaged items on shelves. She was free to check shelf items for kashrut but unless she had an fda badge, no dice. Unhappy customer, Indifferent baker.
Once, a lady wanted to know if we had any plain focaccia. I said We don’t usually make it, but we had frozen focaccia bread dough and It was in the back! I explained to her what she had to do to bake it proprly. Happy customer, Happy baker.
9
“Do you know how much money I spent here..?”
“More than you should”
LOL…
16
…I worked retail for a quarter century, at Kmart and later at Sears when those were competitors, and this guy is exactly right.
…plus I sang dirty versions of every Christmas Carol that I came up with on my own to try to stay sane for the 3-4 MONTHS that every retail employee has to LISTEN to them incessantly on the Muzak, YOU get to go home after an hour or so, the store worker does NOT…
…and the manager part is true,BTW, too. Any time I heard “I want to speak to your manager” in my Auto Center, I would think “OK, do you want the one that was banished here from Toys, or the one sentenced here from Women’s Underwear?”. Because Sears figured they were managing people and not stuff so anyone could manage anywhere, and a LOT of their problems stemmed from not being able to differentiate between selling a service and selling an object, which may help explain why you can’t find a Sears or Kmart store today…
7
I pumped gas on the interstate for a bit, got really sick of “How far is Sedona?”
“Fifty five miles, ma’am”
“Fifty five miles!?? It can’t be fifty five miles!”
“I’ll check the map, ma’am… maybe they moved the sumbitch again.”
16
Holy crap, SNS. With everything you have said you’ve done you have to be 150 years old.
23
And I thought I had a bad work attitude.
6
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 8:50 PM
“Holy crap, SNS. With everything you have said you’ve done you have to be 150 years old.”
..I overlapped a lot. I worked the Chinese restaurant the whole time I worked at KMART (4 years), went to college at the same time I worked at SEARS and ran Squad and fire on 12 hour shifts at night, worked at Sears in weekends for the first 5 years I worked my factory job where I learned Robotics, and quit running squad when I got the factory job because I couldn’t do 12 hour day shifts 7 days a week and follow them with 12 hour squad shifts 4 nights a week.
It also helps that I have worked steadily, and never been without a job, since I was 14.
I can assure you it’s possible, especially when you’re young.
Because I did it.
…I’d send you a resume but that’s a LOT of redactions to keep my privacy, it would look like a Hillary Clinton document…
11
“The manager doesn’t know what’s going on…haven’t you ever worked anywhere before???
18
The person who coined the phrase “The Customer is Always Right” greatly overestimated mankind’s sense of gratitude while greatly underestimating mankind’s sense of entitlement. It is a policy fitting only for a citizenry that understands and appreciates the effort it takes to build, maintain and expand a successful business: it is, as John Adams would say, wholly inadequate for any other.
5
…I lived on Mountain Dew and NoDoz for a lot of those years, and I was specialized in brakes and alignment for the 20 odd years I worked on cars, so God helped fools even then that I never screwed a customers brakes up no matter how woozy from lack of sleep I was…
4
Pardon me if I don’t give a shit. Sorry. I got nothing here. Permission granted to take control of your miserable lives.
Until that happens don’t call me.
4
@SNS
So what you are really saying is that you are an ex marine Double Secret former CIA agent currently under contract with the NSA.
Got it. shhh.
9
I was the department manager that it didn’t matter what department the asshole was currently in, the owners had decided they no longer wanted his or her business. I got word would implement the final solution.
Ex customer: is that the final word?
Me: No this is, get the fuck out and don’t come back.
There are people who return hunting gear for refund and buy fishing gear and then return it to purchase hunting gear. Lousy bastards are making every honest customer pay for their thieving ways. They are the worst.
I built a cabinet with a plexiglass front and a ball peen hammer on a chain hanging on the side of it and a pair of hip waders inside. Then had a print shop print up a sticker with “I Case Of Emergency Break Glass”. Brought it in and put it behind the gun counter. My customers laughed their asses off over it, but one of the owners thought it might offend someone and made me take it out. It’s at a local sportsman’s club still and es loved by many people who still comment to me about it. That was 30 years ago that I gave it to them and they still get people asking who made it.
6
If you want to get into a snit fit fight with your spouse-don’t go shopping at IKEA (or Bed Bath and Beyond for that matter.)
Fair warning! ⚠️ 😆
5
Kcir
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 9:18 PM
…I’ve never claimed anything but 5 jobs. I worked at a Chinese (Formosan) restaurant, at a K-Mart on cars, at a Sears on cars, and at a food factory which I do to this day, as well as running Squad and fire concurrently for 10 years while working at Sears because that was at night and Sears was in the day, I didn’t work every day ar Sears, and sometimes I got to sleep part of the night if people weren’t hurting themselves or setting stuff on fire while I was on-call.
That’s how I can be at the outside edge of my 50s and have worked a quarter century at this and 25 years at that, because in some cases, they’re the SAME years.
And that’s it.
I never claimed to be in the military, been a LEO, or had any other job than those.
And I will leave it at that. I don’t get paid for this, so I don’t really have any reason to lie. At my age, it’s really not worth trying to impress people I don’t know, it’s not going to get me laid and my wife would KILL me if it DID, if my knee didn’t give out FIRST…
7
Relax supes, Canadians will never understand the American work ethic.
12
I have been to Ikea once in my life. O N C E !
Last September, on the last Canuckistan long weekend before my daughter went off to university:
The wife and kids had MONTHS to pick, have delivered for $50 bucks the desk, bed, & mattress, WHATEVER!
But Fuck NO!
Saturday Fucking evening of Labour day weekend at 4PM we rolled up to a jammed parking lot to witness humanity that was “Persona non Grata” at even Walmart.
Security & staff enforcing masks, hand sanitizer, cart cleaning & line ups. No fucking help finding a tjorgst, flundenk or smekleb but fucking social distance Stasi right up the shitter. With Cops! No Fuckin around here sir!
I was fucking swearing & muttering the whole fucking time and blasting the wife. Why the fuck did you leave it to the last minute of the last weekend when I should be standing in front of my BBQ smoking ribs & sipping bourbon on the rocks in my fuckin shades?
Answer: “we didn’t want to upset you.”
Nope! Asshole me has a VAN. And vans mean Jackass! And jackass even had to buy dinner that night!
I was FUCKING SHOCKED at the state of humanity. I hang with dirty, filthy tradesmen. Asscracks hanging out all over the place & porta potties that make Biden’s pants smell like a flower shop. What I saw that evening at Ikea still depresses me.
And me, I was there too! Part of a crowd that even a Clinton would not acknowledge for a vote!
8
SNS, of course I hope you know I was joking. We had I guy we worked with in Alaska, I swear he did everything except walk on the moon. We nicknamed him Sled Dog Bob, he did it all.
11
Nothing peels away from pressed saw dust like IKEA..
3
@Burr
I had a paper route when I was a Kid. 7 days a week and good luck collecting from the welfares at the bottom & top of the street. 14 – 16
After that straight HVAC construction & service from 16 to 51 years. Welding, threading, electrical, refrigerants, ladders, natural gas, propane & controls. I can work. usually 5 1/2 days a week since 16.
@SNS
It was a compliment and a joke. I have an odd sense of humour. I regard you as a VERY intelligent person. You are very knowledgeable on a lot of technical things including chemical reactions. Bourne Knowlege. Sorry if I offended as I was not even remotely intended.
Both, take care.
8
@SNS
And by the way, the Robotics thing is very impressive.
2
@SNS
And by the way, the Robotics thing is very impressive
3
…thank you Kcir, didn’t mean to beat it to death, but I definitely want to make sure no one thinks I ever claim to be a veteran or military. I have the utmost respect for both, one because I saw them in action, the other because I’ve known many veterans in my life and seen and heard what they’ve done, as well as folks who’ve lived absolute hell here like Doc and still have a sense of humor, and I’m not worthy to shine their shoes and so I don’t want to claim any of their valor for myself.
As far as the robots go, I just have a logical mind, was grounded in Boolean logic by programming my TRS-80 in BASIC when I was a bored kid, and was standing in the right place at the right time when they got their first robot arm and said “Who wants to learn robot”?
Its not that impressive, it’s just a big TRS-80 that can kill people if you do it wrong.
And the robots, for their part, are entirely indifferent to ME…
…and your story isn’t that different from mine, in that you started working at an early age and learned your way through trades. I picked up some welding and pipefitting and HVAC along the way, but as a jack if all trades I’m a master of none. You are likely much more skilled at those disciplines than I am.
This is all WAY off to the side, but maybe Fur or MJA or Claudia would like to host a “iOTW careers” thread sometime, where we could share a little background? You know, like the “Explain Your Handle” thread, but more boring except for the 6 or 8 of us who want to know a bit more about our fellow long-time bloggers who bring their unique experiences here, just what those unique experiences ARE…
5
“I definitely want to make sure no one thinks I ever claim to be a veteran or military. ”
…Veteran or LEO, I mean…
3
If you haven’t worked 75 jobs…..are you truly an American?
Even as I type I’m sewing another racially insensitive puppet while I wait for customer auto parts at the same time handling phone calls for acreage mowing.
8
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 9:42 PM
“We had I guy we worked with in Alaska…”
…and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to hear about too. I know there’s more to Alaska than fishing, but perhaps you could flesh something like this out a bit, for we ill-informed Lower 48ers, if the right thread came up…
3
Burr, hardest working puppet in show business.
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 10:13 PM
“If you haven’t worked 75 jobs…..are you truly an American?”
…do you use your puppet hand to type?
That would be multitasking I could get behind…
3
Kcir (embarrased to be from Toronto)
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 9:38 PM
“No fucking help finding a tjorgst, flundenk or smekleb…”
..and I would not be surprised to see those names in an Ikea AT ALL…
4
Wok Hay can’t type worth a damn.
I have hopes for the new kid, Gutrapali Samthisrama. Part time elephant trainer.
3
…althogh IKEA knives used to be pretty good, I understand they quit selling them after a quite successful impromptu customer demonstration of their efficiency…
SNS, I spent 12 years I Prudhoe Bay, it’s probably where I grew up. Granted i didn’t start till I was 20, but at least I grew up.
5
Joe, you lived in Alaska. Any truth to the rumor Bigfoot is gay?
5
Burr, if he showed up in our camp we would have found out.
5
I’m just sayin, Bigfoot throws a lot of tantrums, and screams like a girl.
It’s highly suspect.
3
Bigfoot used to reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, DC.
He shouldn’t be all that hard to find these days.
9
Burr, my first few years were in a men only camp, we had some guys that looked like they might have been related to Bigfoot, but no first hand experience.
4
I’ve had small rocks thrown at me while camping.
My first thought? It wasn’t “HOLY CRAP IT’S BIGFOOT!” My first thought was “WHAT KIND OF FAG IS THROWING ROCKS AT ME!?!?”
So even if it was Bigfoot, it would still be a fag.
Case closed.
5
We had one guy that put curled goat horns on his hard hat, that he of course wore backwards. And he looked exactly like Hagar the Horrible. What’s funny is that his name really was Hagar, and he had a big rodeo cowboy style belt buckle that said “Hagar the Whoreable”. He was a funny son of a gun. Partied hard, Bigfoot might have liked him.
8
I understand the jerk off fest known as the OSCARS is on tonight, I wonder if IKEA THE MOVIE will be up for anything?
8
I can’t believe you spent 40 years in the wild Yukon and never slept with Bigfoot.
Hell, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time south of the border and I’m damn sure I’ve woken up with a chupacabra once or twice.
4
LOLOL. At everything.
7
There’s an old Alaskan joke about a cheechako that really wants to be a real Alaskan. Sitting around a campfire he asks the guides he’s with. Well, they tell him, you have to drink a bottle of whiskey and piss in the Yukon. Then you have to have sex with an Eskimo, and then you have to kill a grizzly bear with a knife. So the next night the cheechako musters up the courage, polishes off a bottle of whiskey and stumbled to the bank of the Yukon and takes a piss. Then heads into the woods, everyone in camp hears all kinds of noice and screaming, then quiet. The cheechako finally stumbles back, a beaten bloody mess, and says OK, where is this Eskimo bitch I’m supposed to kill?
11
Staring at the “work computer” with the video blocked…
For tomorrow AM…
Still, am reminded of the cartoon showing…
Father Steve standing over a table holding a hammer in his hand and a funny/frustrated look on his face. Staring down on the table showing a wooden cross, three small nails and a small figure of Christ with his arms outstretched. Caption: “It was then that Father Steve realized that he regretted buying the crucifix at IKEA.”
5
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 10:53 PM
“Partied hard, Bigfoot might have liked him.”
…just what does “Partied hard” mean in an all-male cam…
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 11:35 PM
” The camp was supposedly a dry camp.”
“Supposedly”. Interesting word, that…
1
SNS, we all know that a bunch of hard working guys will get some drinks headed there way. We worked anywhere from 2-8 weeks, 12 hour days, the bosses would look the other way in most instances. We did have problems though. One buddy of mine couldn’t handle his whiskey, he got duct taped and loaded into a charter flight to get him off the slope. He was a good hand, and was back working a few months later.
3
We go to IKEA cafeteria to meet my aunt and uncle because it is equidistant from my house to theirs. (20 min drive). You have to push away the (first generation) families who bring their kids shopping and think IKEA is the American Dream Factory (although NOTHING there is made in America even the food at the cafeteria is imported from CHYNA. Thus, it really is the American Dream. BTW, that video is the funniest routine I have seen since Sam Kinison did stand up ‘in your face’ comedy.
2
WHERE DOES IT STOP, DIANE?
Too funny! My last boss’s name was Diane.
Good one, Fur!
Great comedy still exists! 💪
2
I’ve worked retail and this guy knocked it out of the park!
“Five out of five star review!”
1
I wonder why they fired him?
1
My nephew Derek on spending a weekend on an IKEA do it yourself assembly project
“It would have been easier to just carve a dresser out of a big block of wood using a bread knife”
One of the funniest things about that video is that hokey dramatic drum roll and ominous music that keeps repeating over and over. By the fifth iteration, Im rolling on the floor
So I learn from my daughter that the music is a standard musical theme on Tik Tok, which is why she wasnt all that enthralled with it. She was inurred to it.
Ikea: Batteries not included: Some assembly required.
“IKEA… The Movie”… LOL
That guy has to be in New York!
The music is perfect.
Excellent!!!
I worked retail while in high school.
I remember when customers would ask if there was any “in the back”, and we knew there was none.
Of course we would say “I’ll check”, then hang out in the back for five or so minutes in the break room and then come out and shrug. Experience proved that the “customer is always right” and saying that you knew there wasn’t anything would send them directly to the manager. So, just play the game and get a 5 minute break for free!
I guess people didn’t get enough pressed wood crap in the 70’s and 80’s to throw away later at the next free dump weekend..
You can’t polish a turd.
I HATE IKEA
NOWHERE ON EARTH DO YOU MANEUVER YOURSELF THRU THRONGS OF FAT PEOPLE FOR 5 MILES TO WRITE DOWN A PRODUCT NUMBER, GO TO THE WAREHOUSE, PULL THE CRAP OUT OF THE BAY, PUSH IT TO YOUR CAR, TIE IT TO THE ROOF, TAKE IT HOME AND BEGIN THE 2 DAY ASSEMBLY, ONLY TO FIND YOU MISSED STRP 3 OF 87, DISASSEMBLE, START OVER, MISREAD THE BAD ENGLISH OF STEP 17, RIP IT APART AND TURN IT INTO FIREWOOD, DRINK BEER AND MAKE S’MORES!!!!!
*^^%$#*FCUK!8EA!!!!!
Something good for display is about all it’s good for.
i think i’ll watch that again and take notes
As a baker, I always heard the More in the Back question. Once, I got a request from a customer to let her inspect all our flour, butter, eggs, sugars, etc. to see if they were all KOSHER. I explained that modern grocery store bakeries usually don’t have ingredients, but finish either par baked doughs or put packaged items on shelves. She was free to check shelf items for kashrut but unless she had an fda badge, no dice. Unhappy customer, Indifferent baker.
Once, a lady wanted to know if we had any plain focaccia. I said We don’t usually make it, but we had frozen focaccia bread dough and It was in the back! I explained to her what she had to do to bake it proprly. Happy customer, Happy baker.
“Do you know how much money I spent here..?”
“More than you should”
LOL…
…I worked retail for a quarter century, at Kmart and later at Sears when those were competitors, and this guy is exactly right.
…plus I sang dirty versions of every Christmas Carol that I came up with on my own to try to stay sane for the 3-4 MONTHS that every retail employee has to LISTEN to them incessantly on the Muzak, YOU get to go home after an hour or so, the store worker does NOT…
…and the manager part is true,BTW, too. Any time I heard “I want to speak to your manager” in my Auto Center, I would think “OK, do you want the one that was banished here from Toys, or the one sentenced here from Women’s Underwear?”. Because Sears figured they were managing people and not stuff so anyone could manage anywhere, and a LOT of their problems stemmed from not being able to differentiate between selling a service and selling an object, which may help explain why you can’t find a Sears or Kmart store today…
I pumped gas on the interstate for a bit, got really sick of “How far is Sedona?”
“Fifty five miles, ma’am”
“Fifty five miles!?? It can’t be fifty five miles!”
“I’ll check the map, ma’am… maybe they moved the sumbitch again.”
Holy crap, SNS. With everything you have said you’ve done you have to be 150 years old.
And I thought I had a bad work attitude.
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 8:50 PM
“Holy crap, SNS. With everything you have said you’ve done you have to be 150 years old.”
..I overlapped a lot. I worked the Chinese restaurant the whole time I worked at KMART (4 years), went to college at the same time I worked at SEARS and ran Squad and fire on 12 hour shifts at night, worked at Sears in weekends for the first 5 years I worked my factory job where I learned Robotics, and quit running squad when I got the factory job because I couldn’t do 12 hour day shifts 7 days a week and follow them with 12 hour squad shifts 4 nights a week.
It also helps that I have worked steadily, and never been without a job, since I was 14.
I can assure you it’s possible, especially when you’re young.
Because I did it.
…I’d send you a resume but that’s a LOT of redactions to keep my privacy, it would look like a Hillary Clinton document…
“The manager doesn’t know what’s going on…haven’t you ever worked anywhere before???
The person who coined the phrase “The Customer is Always Right” greatly overestimated mankind’s sense of gratitude while greatly underestimating mankind’s sense of entitlement. It is a policy fitting only for a citizenry that understands and appreciates the effort it takes to build, maintain and expand a successful business: it is, as John Adams would say, wholly inadequate for any other.
…I lived on Mountain Dew and NoDoz for a lot of those years, and I was specialized in brakes and alignment for the 20 odd years I worked on cars, so God helped fools even then that I never screwed a customers brakes up no matter how woozy from lack of sleep I was…
Pardon me if I don’t give a shit. Sorry. I got nothing here. Permission granted to take control of your miserable lives.
Until that happens don’t call me.
@SNS
So what you are really saying is that you are an ex marine Double Secret former CIA agent currently under contract with the NSA.
Got it. shhh.
I was the department manager that it didn’t matter what department the asshole was currently in, the owners had decided they no longer wanted his or her business. I got word would implement the final solution.
Ex customer: is that the final word?
Me: No this is, get the fuck out and don’t come back.
There are people who return hunting gear for refund and buy fishing gear and then return it to purchase hunting gear. Lousy bastards are making every honest customer pay for their thieving ways. They are the worst.
I built a cabinet with a plexiglass front and a ball peen hammer on a chain hanging on the side of it and a pair of hip waders inside. Then had a print shop print up a sticker with “I Case Of Emergency Break Glass”. Brought it in and put it behind the gun counter. My customers laughed their asses off over it, but one of the owners thought it might offend someone and made me take it out. It’s at a local sportsman’s club still and es loved by many people who still comment to me about it. That was 30 years ago that I gave it to them and they still get people asking who made it.
If you want to get into a snit fit fight with your spouse-don’t go shopping at IKEA (or Bed Bath and Beyond for that matter.)
Fair warning! ⚠️ 😆
Kcir
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 9:18 PM
…I’ve never claimed anything but 5 jobs. I worked at a Chinese (Formosan) restaurant, at a K-Mart on cars, at a Sears on cars, and at a food factory which I do to this day, as well as running Squad and fire concurrently for 10 years while working at Sears because that was at night and Sears was in the day, I didn’t work every day ar Sears, and sometimes I got to sleep part of the night if people weren’t hurting themselves or setting stuff on fire while I was on-call.
That’s how I can be at the outside edge of my 50s and have worked a quarter century at this and 25 years at that, because in some cases, they’re the SAME years.
And that’s it.
I never claimed to be in the military, been a LEO, or had any other job than those.
And I will leave it at that. I don’t get paid for this, so I don’t really have any reason to lie. At my age, it’s really not worth trying to impress people I don’t know, it’s not going to get me laid and my wife would KILL me if it DID, if my knee didn’t give out FIRST…
Relax supes, Canadians will never understand the American work ethic.
I have been to Ikea once in my life. O N C E !
Last September, on the last Canuckistan long weekend before my daughter went off to university:
The wife and kids had MONTHS to pick, have delivered for $50 bucks the desk, bed, & mattress, WHATEVER!
But Fuck NO!
Saturday Fucking evening of Labour day weekend at 4PM we rolled up to a jammed parking lot to witness humanity that was “Persona non Grata” at even Walmart.
Security & staff enforcing masks, hand sanitizer, cart cleaning & line ups. No fucking help finding a tjorgst, flundenk or smekleb but fucking social distance Stasi right up the shitter. With Cops! No Fuckin around here sir!
I was fucking swearing & muttering the whole fucking time and blasting the wife. Why the fuck did you leave it to the last minute of the last weekend when I should be standing in front of my BBQ smoking ribs & sipping bourbon on the rocks in my fuckin shades?
Answer: “we didn’t want to upset you.”
Nope! Asshole me has a VAN. And vans mean Jackass! And jackass even had to buy dinner that night!
I was FUCKING SHOCKED at the state of humanity. I hang with dirty, filthy tradesmen. Asscracks hanging out all over the place & porta potties that make Biden’s pants smell like a flower shop. What I saw that evening at Ikea still depresses me.
And me, I was there too! Part of a crowd that even a Clinton would not acknowledge for a vote!
SNS, of course I hope you know I was joking. We had I guy we worked with in Alaska, I swear he did everything except walk on the moon. We nicknamed him Sled Dog Bob, he did it all.
Nothing peels away from pressed saw dust like IKEA..
@Burr
I had a paper route when I was a Kid. 7 days a week and good luck collecting from the welfares at the bottom & top of the street. 14 – 16
After that straight HVAC construction & service from 16 to 51 years. Welding, threading, electrical, refrigerants, ladders, natural gas, propane & controls. I can work. usually 5 1/2 days a week since 16.
@SNS
It was a compliment and a joke. I have an odd sense of humour. I regard you as a VERY intelligent person. You are very knowledgeable on a lot of technical things including chemical reactions. Bourne Knowlege. Sorry if I offended as I was not even remotely intended.
Both, take care.
@SNS
And by the way, the Robotics thing is very impressive.
@SNS
And by the way, the Robotics thing is very impressive
…thank you Kcir, didn’t mean to beat it to death, but I definitely want to make sure no one thinks I ever claim to be a veteran or military. I have the utmost respect for both, one because I saw them in action, the other because I’ve known many veterans in my life and seen and heard what they’ve done, as well as folks who’ve lived absolute hell here like Doc and still have a sense of humor, and I’m not worthy to shine their shoes and so I don’t want to claim any of their valor for myself.
As far as the robots go, I just have a logical mind, was grounded in Boolean logic by programming my TRS-80 in BASIC when I was a bored kid, and was standing in the right place at the right time when they got their first robot arm and said “Who wants to learn robot”?
Its not that impressive, it’s just a big TRS-80 that can kill people if you do it wrong.
And the robots, for their part, are entirely indifferent to ME…
…and your story isn’t that different from mine, in that you started working at an early age and learned your way through trades. I picked up some welding and pipefitting and HVAC along the way, but as a jack if all trades I’m a master of none. You are likely much more skilled at those disciplines than I am.
This is all WAY off to the side, but maybe Fur or MJA or Claudia would like to host a “iOTW careers” thread sometime, where we could share a little background? You know, like the “Explain Your Handle” thread, but more boring except for the 6 or 8 of us who want to know a bit more about our fellow long-time bloggers who bring their unique experiences here, just what those unique experiences ARE…
“I definitely want to make sure no one thinks I ever claim to be a veteran or military. ”
…Veteran or LEO, I mean…
If you haven’t worked 75 jobs…..are you truly an American?
Even as I type I’m sewing another racially insensitive puppet while I wait for customer auto parts at the same time handling phone calls for acreage mowing.
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 9:42 PM
“We had I guy we worked with in Alaska…”
…and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to hear about too. I know there’s more to Alaska than fishing, but perhaps you could flesh something like this out a bit, for we ill-informed Lower 48ers, if the right thread came up…
Burr, hardest working puppet in show business.
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 10:13 PM
“If you haven’t worked 75 jobs…..are you truly an American?”
…do you use your puppet hand to type?
That would be multitasking I could get behind…
Kcir (embarrased to be from Toronto)
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 9:38 PM
“No fucking help finding a tjorgst, flundenk or smekleb…”
..and I would not be surprised to see those names in an Ikea AT ALL…
Wok Hay can’t type worth a damn.
I have hopes for the new kid, Gutrapali Samthisrama. Part time elephant trainer.
…althogh IKEA knives used to be pretty good, I understand they quit selling them after a quite successful impromptu customer demonstration of their efficiency…
https://www.thailandnews.co/2015/08/muslim-asylum-seeker-beheads-ikea-shopper-in-sweden/
SNS, I spent 12 years I Prudhoe Bay, it’s probably where I grew up. Granted i didn’t start till I was 20, but at least I grew up.
Joe, you lived in Alaska. Any truth to the rumor Bigfoot is gay?
Burr, if he showed up in our camp we would have found out.
I’m just sayin, Bigfoot throws a lot of tantrums, and screams like a girl.
It’s highly suspect.
Bigfoot used to reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, DC.
He shouldn’t be all that hard to find these days.
Burr, my first few years were in a men only camp, we had some guys that looked like they might have been related to Bigfoot, but no first hand experience.
I’ve had small rocks thrown at me while camping.
My first thought? It wasn’t “HOLY CRAP IT’S BIGFOOT!” My first thought was “WHAT KIND OF FAG IS THROWING ROCKS AT ME!?!?”
So even if it was Bigfoot, it would still be a fag.
Case closed.
We had one guy that put curled goat horns on his hard hat, that he of course wore backwards. And he looked exactly like Hagar the Horrible. What’s funny is that his name really was Hagar, and he had a big rodeo cowboy style belt buckle that said “Hagar the Whoreable”. He was a funny son of a gun. Partied hard, Bigfoot might have liked him.
I understand the jerk off fest known as the OSCARS is on tonight, I wonder if IKEA THE MOVIE will be up for anything?
I can’t believe you spent 40 years in the wild Yukon and never slept with Bigfoot.
Hell, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time south of the border and I’m damn sure I’ve woken up with a chupacabra once or twice.
LOLOL. At everything.
There’s an old Alaskan joke about a cheechako that really wants to be a real Alaskan. Sitting around a campfire he asks the guides he’s with. Well, they tell him, you have to drink a bottle of whiskey and piss in the Yukon. Then you have to have sex with an Eskimo, and then you have to kill a grizzly bear with a knife. So the next night the cheechako musters up the courage, polishes off a bottle of whiskey and stumbled to the bank of the Yukon and takes a piss. Then heads into the woods, everyone in camp hears all kinds of noice and screaming, then quiet. The cheechako finally stumbles back, a beaten bloody mess, and says OK, where is this Eskimo bitch I’m supposed to kill?
Staring at the “work computer” with the video blocked…
For tomorrow AM…
Still, am reminded of the cartoon showing…
Father Steve standing over a table holding a hammer in his hand and a funny/frustrated look on his face. Staring down on the table showing a wooden cross, three small nails and a small figure of Christ with his arms outstretched. Caption: “It was then that Father Steve realized that he regretted buying the crucifix at IKEA.”
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 10:53 PM
“Partied hard, Bigfoot might have liked him.”
…just what does “Partied hard” mean in an all-male cam…
…never mind…forget I asked, sorry…
Anymouse
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 11:16 PM
…found it for you, Anymouse..
https://i.pinimg.com/474x/17/0a/98/170a9853198c56f90475fa67c3fe1fb7.jpg
…although it actually gets WORSE…
https://line.17qq.com/articles/cqtwwewax.html
SNS, we also had weeks off. The camp was supposedly a dry camp.
Well I was close anyway…
Details, details
Fred
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 8:34 PM
“You can’t polish a turd.”
…you can if it’s old enough…
https://i.pinimg.com/236x/9b/cc/b4/9bccb4a8e20133dee9c759cba3f26335–dinosaurs-rock-on.jpg
joe6pak
APRIL 25, 2021 AT 11:35 PM
” The camp was supposedly a dry camp.”
“Supposedly”. Interesting word, that…
SNS, we all know that a bunch of hard working guys will get some drinks headed there way. We worked anywhere from 2-8 weeks, 12 hour days, the bosses would look the other way in most instances. We did have problems though. One buddy of mine couldn’t handle his whiskey, he got duct taped and loaded into a charter flight to get him off the slope. He was a good hand, and was back working a few months later.
We go to IKEA cafeteria to meet my aunt and uncle because it is equidistant from my house to theirs. (20 min drive). You have to push away the (first generation) families who bring their kids shopping and think IKEA is the American Dream Factory (although NOTHING there is made in America even the food at the cafeteria is imported from CHYNA. Thus, it really is the American Dream. BTW, that video is the funniest routine I have seen since Sam Kinison did stand up ‘in your face’ comedy.
WHERE DOES IT STOP, DIANE?
Too funny! My last boss’s name was Diane.
Good one, Fur!
Great comedy still exists! 💪
I’ve worked retail and this guy knocked it out of the park!
“Five out of five star review!”
I wonder why they fired him?
My nephew Derek on spending a weekend on an IKEA do it yourself assembly project
“It would have been easier to just carve a dresser out of a big block of wood using a bread knife”
One of the funniest things about that video is that hokey dramatic drum roll and ominous music that keeps repeating over and over. By the fifth iteration, Im rolling on the floor
So I learn from my daughter that the music is a standard musical theme on Tik Tok, which is why she wasnt all that enthralled with it. She was inurred to it.