There is a family story that comes up from time to time about my mother. There was a woman that used to pop in all the time during the day, very annoying. She’d bring her kid and it would just break up the day.
One day my mother saw her coming up the walk with the kid and told my brother to answer the door and say she wasn’t home.
Of course, my brother, who’s a libtard, wasn’t capable of performing any simple task and the lady made her way into the house, told the kids to go play while she made tea and waited for my mother to come home.
My brother was wondering where my mother was and how they were going to get out of this now.
Opening his bedroom closet door he saw my mother crouched down hiding behind the Woody Woodpecker doll and the football helmets and stuff, like Lucy Ricardo.
Had my mother known about the technique above, all of that could have been avoided.
Of course, there was another option. Tell the lady to stop popping in, it’s rude and annoying.
But, some people can’t do that. I can’t. I’m keeping a coat next to my door… Think it’ll be convincing? I live in Florida.
@BFH – Florida? A bike helmet would do as well as a coat.
The ones who get you on the phone are worse. And you can’t even fake a bad cell now. I don’t think they even try that trope in Hollywood anymore.
Popping in is rude.
Not opening the door is rude.
Sometimes two wrongs do make a right!
When my girlfriend and I moved into a rented house, the lady(?) from across the street just walked right in. I asked her what she was doing. She said the previous renters let her do it. In a not so polite tone I told her we weren’t them and to never do it again. She didn’t.
Fur, use a beach umbrella.
You Floridians wear a coat when it’s 70 degrees.
Answer your door like you answer your phone – only if you recognize and want to talk to the caller! You have no obligation.
Keys in one hand light jacket draped over the other
Nekkkid!
The lady two doors from our house used to put up a chicken pox sign. 1950’s
…with a vibrator in hand!
(sorry, I just had to go there)
If you knock on my door it’s getting answered with a shotgun. You had to break through two gates to get to my house. THAT’S how much I hate people.
@TaxPayer – You’ve got it backwards. We Floridians wear sandals, shorts, and T-shirts when it’s 52°!
I thought about getting one of those door mats that says something like, “You better have a warrant.”
You can just have your keys in hand in climates and weather not needing coats. Great idea. I am getting a dummy set of old keys to keep by my front door.
I’ve never made it to the door before my dog.
If it’s someone I don’t want to talk to, I’m taking the dog for a walk.
I was gonna suggest flippers and a snorkel as you head out the door, but you’d have to have a beach nearby. I HAVE done the coat and keys thing, though.
When I was a kid, my dad was out in the front yard raking leaves one crisp, Fall day. He looked grungy as shit too with weekend old girth growing on his face and stuff. Anywho, these two dudes were walking up to the door, pretty much ignoring the sight of my dad who was in the front lawn. Finally my dad asked them, “Can I help you?”
Cheerfully they responded, “Good Morning! We are from the Church of Latter Day Saints!”
Immediately, my dad threw the rake in the air, cheering loudly, jumping up and down and making a pure ass of himself. “It’s the Mormons! It’s the Mormons! he exclaimed. He then got down on both knees and said, “Let us pray. Dear Father, please see that these people never come to my door again. Amen.” It worked too. They never came back. True story.
Guess all the years of being an asshole is paying off.I at least get a txt before anybody comes over.
^^^ Btw, I’ve never met a Mormon I didn’t like. Good people, sincerely.
My mom used to make us lie for her whenever the Jehovah Witnesses came to the door. She either wasn’t there or taking a bath or just doing her business in the bathroom etc. She never did talk to any of them and my 3 brothers and I got very creative in making up stories about her whenever the JW’s showed up. It must’ve worked because they finally quit bugging us.
If you want to hang up on someone, do it while you’re talking, not them, midsentence. They will assume it’s bad cell service, not bad manners.
A real misanthrope answers the door in shorts and a stained manbeater, and before the visitor can say a word, the misanthrope shouts, “Fuck off!!!” and then slams the door in the visitor’s face.
Seriously, Auntie Mae needs to call ahead, family or not, before she visits; so I can plan to be out of the house.
Hannoverfist, “nekkid” works especially well with Jehovah Witlesses.
@Gladys, there are also ones that say “There’s no place like home. Go there.” I know this because I have one.
Well I personally don’t like morons they are just so dumb
We had a neighbor lady like that, only she had two kids and always (5 days a week through the summer) showed up at lunch time. We tried everything. Nothing phased that woman! If we were “just heading out” she simply said “Great!” And they would all jump right in the station wagon. This irritated my sister and I to know end, as she always trumped one of us for the shotgun seat.
My curmudgeon pal Chris has a door mat that says GO AWAY. Inside, he keeps a small sign on a stick by the door so when anybody doesn’t take the hint from the mat, he silently holds it up for them to read:
WHAT IS IT ABOUT ‘GO AWAY’ THAT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND?
🎯 EASIEST WAY TO AVOID (and annoy) IN-LAWS 🎯
🌀 Whenever they are talking, I look right at them, then off slightly above one ear or the other, not too much. When they get angry and start questioning me, I act like they are crazy (they are) and are imagining things. They know what happens when they start talking to me, and eventually they just avoid me (THANK–YOOOOU!)
🌀 A crazy co-worker hauled me down to H.R. to complain one time, I did this trick and she lost her mind and started yelling at me b/c I wasn’t looking at her. Yep! She confirmed beyond all doubt that my claim that she was nutty and imagining things.
MISANTHROPE!
🖕 MISANTHROPE POWERS, ACTIVATE! 🖕
One time I was driving in a 35 zone in the city, and was ACTUALLY driving 35, not a mile over.
Some dude was right on my arse, nope, kept it right on 35, not a mile over, pretended I didn’t notice him.
I was in the left double lane, he cranked it over eventually to pass me on my right. I put my fist and right middle finger down on my thigh very passively, and unnoticeable in the universal language.
I knew the fool would pass me and look through my window like, “Who is this jerk driving so slow!” Out of the corner of my eye I saw his face turn, then do a double take while he passed me and started shouting out his window. Just kept driving, 35, not a mile over. How’d you like that little surprise gift buddy? –shouldn’t have looked, you’re fault!
I once lived downtown in Ye Olde Tourist Town, above a shop. In defense, because I had a lot of clueless people who thought they were accessing another ‘Oh cool!’ shop or something, I made a very nicely lettered sign and posted in my door’s window. The first line for them, the next for people who suddenly found themselves in town and just wanted to drop by whenever. “XX —— Avenue. Private. Did you call first?”
@BFH – you could try answering the door in a speedo. I’d think twice about stopping by.
Little Morphin Annie- LOL! I’ve done that! Also, “my phone battery is at 10%, if we get disconnected…” It’s better to text me, truly.
Great unwelcome mats continued….
Beware of wife
Kids are shady, dog is too
Husband is cool
I bought this one for my hubby. I find it hilarious, he’s undecided
Just say you can’t let anyone in, the snake got loose.
Oh my gosh I’m totally snagging that coat option–and the snake one as well. Though in all honesty we don’t get that many random door knockers and I hardly ever answer the phone. (If it’s a number I don’t recognize, or it’s blocked, I TOTALLY ignore it.)
Memory popup: once as a child (maybe about 10 or so) when my mother wasn’t home and a neighbor she was friends with (on a sort of casual basis, they had tea together, for example, but the woman could be annoying and my mother wasn’t afraid to admit it to us) stopped by. She’d previously asked my mother if she could borrow something, but my mother said she couldn’t find it, which may or may not have been the truth.
The woman made her way past me (mom wasn’t there) even though I was assertive enough to voice my objection, though as a child I held no authority for her, even in my own home. She proceeded to my parents’ bedroom and ransacked my father’s–my FATHER’S!!!–top drawer, looking for the item in question. I kept telling her even my mother respects that drawer but she wouldn’t leave until she saw it was nowhere in sight. And I was so cheesed you can be sure I pounced on my mother as soon as she got home, and like a snowball downhill, her anger grew rapidly and she stormed out the door to give that woman a piece of her mind. It damaged the somewhat-friendship pretty badly and after that they never got together anymore, just chatted here and there.
It would have been so awesome to have had that snake greeting handy at that time–my brother kept snakes and the neighborhood knew it, so it would have been completely believable and this coward would have stayed away.
This is not a condition I suffer from. I’m a bit baffled anyone does. Why do you feel obligated to answer the door?
I have several vehicles. One in my driveway is not a guaranty I’m home anyway. I have no problem ignoring the door if it’s not a neighbor. The neighbors usually need real help if they show up and aren’t time wasting assholes. I’ve lived in this ‘hood since `89, we watch each others back and they are always welcome. Guess I’m blessed/lucky on that note. Family calls first, mostly, but I don’t avoid them even if they don’t. I love them all. I consider it a pleasant surprise and am willing to drop what I’m doing if I really am home. All of my family have keys to my place so they usually aren’t knocking or ringing – that’s for strangers/non-family.
As for strangers/sales/unwelcome types, etc., I sometimes miss the knock because I’m wearing headphones, other times I take advantage of how my house is built. It has a J shape and the front door is further into the property than my office so I’m looking at their backs when I look through the patio window in the hall by the office. “Nope. Don’t care to talk to the guy with the clipboard” and then go back to my desk to post more crap at IOTWR.
*guarantee
So close.
Lisl, that lady was no friend. It’s good that happened and caused a fallout before something even worse presented itself.
Legend in my family regarding my grandfather tiring of a couple that was staying entirely too late after dinner at their house so he turned to my grandmother and said, “Marie, we really must go to bed now so these nice people can go home.”
It’s such a wonderful line, I have always suspected it was actually from a book or a movie. But then, my grandfather could have been from a book or a movie…
we have three “neighbors” on our road…..if they come to the door, it’s for a good reason, and none of them walks right in without waiting to be invited….
we do have a few “not neighbors” nearby who think it’s okay to walk in unannounced…weird….never understood that…..
only one relative nearby, and he needs a driver, being legally blind…he knocks even when he knows we’re expecing him….
dog is worth shit, for letting us know strangers are here – she thinks they all bring treats. like the ups guy…..
people i don’t want to see show up, i just don’t open the door….they look dodgey enough, i lock and load……
not a problem, so far……knocking on wood, of course….
@Dadof4
You have a great point. I had the police come over and bang on my door. I looked through the side glass (didn’t open it) and asked them “what’s the charge.” They wanted to talk to me, –nope, not w/o a lawyer. They were looking for the previous occupant. Told them I don’t know, I live her now. INSISTED I open the door, then they wanted to look around just to make sure. NOPE, not w/o a warrant. They kept talking and demanding, and I just left the door and put on my headphones and continued my computer game.
They came back twice on different occasions, saw them through the glass, and just ignored them. I already told the dumb shits the guy doesn’t live here anymore.
You know where the guy was? Landlord latter told me he told the police he forwarded his mail up to the STATE PRISON. –stupid cops!
Dadof4, you’re absolutely correct. We lived in a super small town, so mom just wanted to keep the peace, but yeah, it was never the same between them.