I see germs everywhere I go! – IOTW Report

I see germs everywhere I go!

Tuesday, 10 March 2020, 12:58 BFH Uncategorized 50

A BFH germ rant.

John Kass, writing for Townhall, says the government should look into shutting down salad bars and soup stations at supermarkets because people are disgusting. He felt this way before the coronavirus, and he’s admittedly using this moment to leverage the panic.

But why stop there? All the fruits and vegetables you buy are largely sitting in crates where disgusting people paw over them, looking for the best plumcot, even though no one knows what a prime plumcot looks like.

The deli slicer wears those plastic gloves, as if he didn’t just pick his ass with the glove.

Admin Girl, God rest her soul, said she would never eat at a salad bar because “things fall out of people’s noses.” I never forgot that, and now you won’t either.

I had a ritual at one time in my life. Coming home from the golf course I would stop at a local bakery where the baker made his own Italian ice. He had 24 exotic flavors, like cream soda, tangerine and hazlenut. It was wonderful, and I was trying them all as each day passed, until one day he said, “I just made pine nut,” punching the p, which sent some unknown flying object from his mouth hurtling right into the vanilla chocolate chip.

Tragically, My Italian Ice journey ended at that moment.

Did I overreact? Probably. Before I saw what I saw the guy could have full out coyote-sneezed right into his mixing vat, and I was enjoying it nonetheless.

If you’ve ever bought a hot dog from a NYC vendor you are either carefree, in denial, or just plain ignorant. Most of them pee in a coffee can. So, what’s a little corona virus at the Ruby Tuesday endless salad buffet when hep C is on the bun covering your Sabrett?

What are some of the biggest germholes we come into contact with that we’re not thinking of?

50 Comments on I see germs everywhere I go!

  3. I’m thinking of the Chinese Buffet in Gresham where someone saw the “chef” wheeling a roadkill deer in a garbage can through the back door. Or the lady chopping up dead chickens with dirty barnyard feet on a board by the dumpster. Yeah. Since then, I’ve learned to make my own “chinese” food. Actually, most restaurants are off my list now. Very few have decent standards.
    I came across this guy talking about hygiene standards in China:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkocjVZUAlA

    Watch at your own risk!

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  4. Doorknobs. I lick them regularly, it keeps my immune system in tip top shape.

    H1N1 infected 61 million Americans and killed 12,500 of us. Maybe I’ve forgotten, but I don’t remember such a panic back then. The Magic 0ne declared a national emergency after 1000 deaths. Imagine the outrage had Trump sat around and waited for 1000 deaths. No wait, you don’t need to imagine the outrage, it’s already #Trumpvirus and #Trumpslump and #Trumpdump. Don’t call it #Chinavirus though, that’s raycis and will get you unpersoned.

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  5. …the vagina is a SUPERIOR hostess of a whole RANGE of bacterium, viruses, and microbes of every description, some STDs, some not.

    Also, there’s probably been more than one dude in there at ONE time or another.

    …but for all that, it’s not like you didn’t willingly bury your face (and other parts) as deeply in one as possible the first time the opportunity presented itself, guys…

    …and some girls…

    …and yet you lived to tell about it (repeatedly), and even went back for MORE, didn’t you…

    ..Life is risk. Get over it.

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  8. My old man used to take me to a local greasy spoon after youth baseball. He knew the owner. Waiting in line, the person in front had a little toddler in diapers and set the kid with baby diaper ass on the counter where you pickup food. The owner thought it was so cute and played with the ugly kid while taking the order. When we got to the front of the line, my old man told the owner that what just happened was unsanitary and gross. The owner and my old man had a few choice words for each other and we ended up walking out, never to return again. I have no clue why I remember this, 35 years later.

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  9. Speaking of salad bars, the so-called ‘sneeze guard’ may help a little when it comes to keeping some hair from falling into the food, but the unbridled kids can reach right under it….head and all.

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  10. I used to buy off the Helms bakery truck until one day he opened the drawer and it was full of mold.
    But I wish bakery delivery trucks would make a comeback. And milk and butter delivery from the local dairy.

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  13. @Left Coast Dan:

    Many cats are walking staphylococcus infections waiting to happen. Decades ago, my veterinarian brother-in-law got bit while treating a cat. He had to be hospitalized for the resulting staph infection (red streaks running up his arm, etc.). The only way they could stop it was by packing the wound with 140°F hot water. He said he passed out from the pain – but it did the trick. It took many months for the wound to heal into an ugly scar.

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  15. Filled with bread, butter, jelly, syrup, creamer, candy and whatever else could be pilfered from restaurants that created a science project in the bottom of my grandmother’s purse. She also carried bleach wipes in case she needed to use a payphone. No thanks, gramma, I don’t want any candy.

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  20. My old spinster 5th grade teacher (cat glasses, light cardigan sweater with a hanky stuffed in one sleeve) told us the story of when she was a young girl, having to, as the oldest child, take care of her household after her mother died. She lived in a coal town and she spent untold hours scrubbing everything and everyone clean, repeatedly. Strangely, her siblings kept getting sick, when the neighbor kids were more or less fine. The Doctor told her they needed a filthier environment in order to establish a broader spectrum of antibodies. Maybe that’s why she remained a spinster? So, i guess the old adage should read, Lick a doorknob a day — keep the doctor away. Ok, that didn’t work out so well in Qom.

    Never study communicable diseases. I was in the business for ten years and it took a lot of the fun out of life, worrying about this or that deadly pathogen and how I was sure I had the symptoms for, and could have plausibly been exposed to, every one of them at some time in my life. I also wouldn’t let the kids approach any stray animal and they had to wash their hands when they came home from school (sure cut down on visits to the doctor or instacare).

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  24. BigOwe
    MARCH 10, 2020 AT 2:14 PM
    ‘Pay telephone booths. I know they’re dead, or on life support, but….no.’

    …the more you know…

    “Origins
    The Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B was a way of removing the basically useless citizens from the planet of Golgafrincham. A variety of stories were formed about the doom of the planet, such as blowing up, crashing into the sun or being eaten by a mutant star goat. The ship was filled with all the middlemen of Golgafrincham, such as the telephone sanitisers, account executives, hairdressers, tired TV producers, insurance salesmen, personnel officers, security guards, public relations executives, and management consultants.

    Ark Fleet ships A and C were supposed to carry the people who ruled, thought, or actually did useful work.

    The ship was programmed to crash onto its designated planet, Earth. The captain remembers that he was told a good reason for this, but had forgotten it, although the reason was later revealed to be because the Ark Ship B Golgafrinchans were a ‘bunch of useless idiots’.

    …

    Fate of Golgafrincham
    A notation in the Guide about Golgafrincham after the departure of the B Ark states that the entire remaining population subsequently died from a virulent disease contracted from a dirty telephone.”
    -“The Restaurant at the End of the Universe”, Douglas Adams

    https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Golgafrinchan_Ark_Fleet_Ship_B

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  25. “If you’ve ever bought a hot dog from a NYC vendor…” HA! I laugh at the puny microbes on a NYC hot dog vendor.

    That is compared to the street carts and marketa centrales I used to eat from when I would travel through Mexico. I swear one time there was an eyeball hanging from those meat cones that the greek restaurants cut meat from for pita sandwiches.

    Now? Man, I don’t remember the last time I ate out.

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  29. I’m glad I started stocking up on all things corona back in mid January before all the hype. I started wiping all touch surfaces twice a day and now its habit. As it stands, I could hunker down for 6 months or so without restocking anything. I was already a prepper so this just added a few things to diversify and added backup fuel sources, etc. and of course more ammo.

    As for vaginas being full of bacteria, I think over the years I’ve built up a tremendous stockpile of anti-bodies. 😀

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  32. @ MerryMouse,

    That video about Chinese “sanitation habits “” is truthful and on target. A number of years ago my niece and her husband had to travel all over China for (…). She sent us email updates all the time. Her dismay and bewilderment was always focused on the filthy habits of the people. She said that she got diarrhea so bad and often from contaminants that she had to take so much Imodium AD that she thought she’d never be able to ever poop again normally.
    Another thing was that the trains had small rivers of urine and feces on the floors. She saw kids drop their baby bottles on the floor in this, and mothers would pick the bottles up, wipe the nipples on their clothing and give the bottle back to their babies.

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  33. Lazlo is recovering from a bout of food poisoning
    Went to a Panda Bowl to try something other than regular road food. I went once before with no ill results. Not this time.
    I swear if I ever get better (its been 3 days) I will start carrying jars of Peanut butter and jelly and bread
    The older I get the less I like being any where near other people and now have a solid desire to prepare my own food

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  36. How about the chocolate fountain at Golden Corale? Can you imagine the stuff circulating thru that? It’s like the co-worker who told the story about swimming laps at the Y during his lunch hour. Opening his mouth to breath, he inhaled someone’s snotwad.

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  37. Shitpotle, every last one of them.

    Ever looked at the grime on hospital, clinic, doc office chairs. Ditto for the ancient magazines in the waiting rooms.

    Don’t get me started on hotel bathroom floors and showers. Take your own disinfectant and wear flip flops.

    Then there’s my mother-in-law’s house.

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  39. An old Photographer’s Mate told me this story, and I believe it. It must have been in the 70s or 80s, they were doing an investigation of repeated e. coli food poisoning at the naval base galley in San Diego.
    They set up a hidden camera looking down a long alley way of big cook pots. Eventually they filmed one of the kitchen workers drop his pants, climb up over one of the big chili pots, and take a dump in it.

    That was the last time he did it, not the first. Never found out what he got but I hope he’s still doing life in the brig.

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  40. It is all relative. If you go to India or the Middle East etc. you see vendors with big pots from their kitchen distributing food like a pot luck. Which speaking of germs forget worrying about commercial establishments, the pot luck has to be the biggest crap shoot ever and I never partake. I look at some people I work with and can imagine them cooking with a cigarette hanging out their mouth, a cat on the counter, licking spoons between each ingredient. No thanks!

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  42. @JN’s Eyebrow–Yep! Me too. Figure I could easily go a month without going out. Probably two. Just talked to my daughter. She was at Costco today and she said EVERY cart had a humungous pack of TP!!
    Also, sorry @Lazlo–Listen to JP and Bill. I never got sick from peanut butter and crackers! Hope you’re better! And @Eugenia! Glad you survived the hospital!
    Stay well, everyone.

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  44. Geoff C. The Saltine

    I’ll see your self cleaning Hoo Hoo Nay Nay and raise you HPV. Which will lay dormant for 40 years, and then try and killya. Ya might say, after you give it a licking, it can keep on ticking.

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  45. For you Fur, golf pole flags. (I know you have peed on the course,we all have) That is why up here in the NW you don’t eat black berries for a snack on the golf course below five feet from the ground.

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  46. Bad Brad. I know We got our daughter a shot for that, the girls can get it too. I was making a funny. I hope and pray that things are going well with your… You home this weekend for a call?

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  47. Geoff

    Another round of Chemo the following Monday, so I’ll be working straight through the week end. That shit knock me on my keister. How’s Friday night look?

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