I’ll take an aggressive Florida driver over the asleep at the wheel zombies that plague me – IOTW Report

I’ll take an aggressive Florida driver over the asleep at the wheel zombies that plague me

One of the things I can’t stand about Florida are the drivers. Lights here seem like an eternity, and nothing bothers me as much as being 25 cars back when a light turns green and I am in danger of not making the green light because we aren’t moving.

And this happens constantly on one particular road that has turn lanes on both sides. So 2 lanes with nothing but straight ahead pavement can’t seem to get going.

And one day I figured it out. There is a 15 degree incline heading to an on-ramp. These dumb mothertruckers that drive around on flat terrain all day DON’T STEP ON THE ACCELERATOR!!!!

True story. I was once listening to talk radio and the host said they were going to have an expert in traffic discuss the “whys of traffic jams.”

Long story short, after analyzing traffic from above, the reason for traffic jams are DUMB MOTHERTRUCKERS that don’t keep up properly, and it causes a chain reaction miles behind them that looks like the movement of a spring expanding and contracting.

So, this driver below. I almost understand.

47 Comments on I’ll take an aggressive Florida driver over the asleep at the wheel zombies that plague me

  1. BFH, as you know, I too live in Florida. I think that the biggest issue is that we don’t seem to teach (and Police don’t enforce) “Drive Right” rules. If vehicles are passing you on the left, GET IN THE RIGHT LANE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!!!!

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  2. The accordioning and bunching of traffic are a long term phenomenon.

    This was observed as a constant situation on interstate traffic way back in the 70’s (when interstates were still new ideas) and has continued unabated since.

    Speculation back then was that it was social instinct as much as anything, human nature being such that grouping up and following the leader in front of you when moving about is ruling us in our driving as well in our other activities.

    Read the old Roman reporting on their chariot roads and you will see the same thing happened then.

    Some things never change in nature, just in the outward appearance of how it is being expressed.

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  3. True story: I just hit the Grapevine heading towards LA, and a CHP was doing like 50 in the right lane in a 70. I blew right passed him doing 70 to 75.

    The funny thing is not one of the thirty or so cars behind me would pass the cop. I had the Grapevine all to myself in front and behind for at least 10 minutes there was noone.

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  4. Happens all the time now. I call it โ€œphone sleep.โ€ Everyone is in the head-down position, especially at stoplights.

    The new one Iโ€™m seeing every day now is the driver who is crossing over the centerline into my lane.

    I used to be an avid motorcyclist and was a bike mechanic in my younger days. Here in Florida, one can ride nearly year-round. As much as Iโ€™d love to, thereโ€™s no way Iโ€™ll get back on a bike now.

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  5. We don’t need 4 way traffic signals anymore. That’s 1920’s tech. We can draw lanes where one doesn’t have to stop, or merge. And we can rid ourselves of many bottle necks, however for starters, infrastructure money must go to infrastructure ,and vote for people who won’t rob you blind.

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  6. “The funny thing is not one of the thirty or so cars behind me would pass the cop.”

    LOLOL They do that on purpose. A friend told me they send CHP out to fuck with traffic sometimes.
    Sometimes there is a good reason, [casually forcing a lane change because of trouble up ahead, etc.] but I would bet most times there isn’t. ๐Ÿคฃ

    When you see CHP doing zig zags up ahead of you, you know you’re gonna be on the freeway a loooong time.

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  7. Also in Florida there are a lot of older drivers on meds.

    A few months ago I got stuck behind an old woman having trouble backing out of a parking spot. Not a parallel parking spot. Just a parking spot.

    I remember as a kid flipping out at my grandfather who would get nervous at intersections and decide to hesitate AFTER he entered them.

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  8. HA! My mother, when she still drove, would swerve out away from any street she passed, as if the extra 7 feet would prevent her from being t-boned.
    She also SPED UP on turns and slowed down on straightaways. She insisted she was a great driver. She was like Mr. Magoo, who never got into an accident.

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  9. Jellybean,
    I compliment other drivers all the time. I don’t want to be that guy who thinks everyone else is stupid.
    So when I see someone do something really nifty I take the time to acknowledge.
    I don’t mind people who pull out in front of me at a turn to get a jump (because there are a lot of cars to come if he doesn’t get out there) and then they are gone in a puff of smoke. It’s the asshole who pulls out ahead of you, with no one behind you, and then goes much slower than you were going, that deserves to be pit maneuvered off the road.
    If I don’t have to tap my brakes, whatever the other drive did is fine.

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  10. @ BFH APRIL 16, 2021 AT 11:20 AM

    My mother, God rest her soul, kept asking me about retrofitting anti-lock brakes to her Mid 80’s Jetta. I mentioned this to my brother, thinking it was an odd thing to be obsessing over, I had been driving 25 years ath teh time and hadn’t locked the brakes up more than a half dozen times in all that time. His response: Don’t you ever ride with her? No, I drive when we go somewhere

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  11. If people aren’t so stupid, then they have extremely poor judgement which is a species of stupid.. I have actually watched an old woman in a garage kept old white Chevy impala drive right passed me, going the opposite direction while I was exiting the freeway. She didn’t realize she screwed up until she got to the top of the ramp. Yes lady, you are going against the grain in a very unforgiving way.

  12. Rubber necker’s cause lots of traffic.

    And how is it wise, or prudent to remove traffic lanes in town for bicycles while increasing the traffic congestion/population.

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  13. Even “professional drivers” are not exempt from stoopid. I love getting behind a pair of big rigs side by side on a 2 lane one going 69 and one going 70 for miles. Or the idiots that can’t drive on a freeway unless they’re tailgating. You let them pass and they slow down til you pass them back again then they start tailgating you again.

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  14. I think every Drivers license in the state of TN should be suspended until drivers here can explain in writing what a “Yield” sign means. It does NOT mean STOP for the love of God.

    *sigh*

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  15. One of the things Iโ€™m constantly screaming at mouth-breathing drivers ahead of me is that the traffic light only turns one shade of green… itโ€™s like theyโ€™re waiting for a 2nd shade before they go

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  16. BFH – “Itโ€™s the asshole who pulls out ahead of you, with no one behind you”

    I call ’em squirrels. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen a squirrel on the side of the road that sits there until you’re almost right on top of them and then darts across the road in front of you.
    The asshole that invariably just sits there until you are almost on top of him (with no one behind you) then pulls out in front of you has the mentality of a friggen tree rat!

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  17. Not exactly Weekend at Bernieโ€™s parking garage valet lift, but yeah the driver beat the drawbridge…itโ€™s Daytona…probably just in time to run into Black spring breakers blocking the road twerking on the other side.

    Been in Fl so long (South FL where I had to develop fairly assertive driving skills) that serves two purposes. One itโ€™s kept me alive and two, Iโ€™m never late to my destination as I donโ€™t allow myself to get penned in behind Q-tips on their way to Early Bird Special or the Bingo tournament.

  18. I’m in the slow lane doing five or six miles over the speed limit which is the magic number for not getting a ticket. Then eventually I run into a guy that’s doing 10 miles under the speed limit. When I try and pass they step on the gas. We call that bird dogging.

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  19. Have you driven I-4 through Orlando? No matter what time of day it is nothing but bumper to bumper traffic. Poor highway planning by the city, county and state, coupled with explosive population growth for decades. We call I-4 a highway connecting Daytona with Tampa interrupted by a parking lot called Orlando.

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  20. I can put up with a lot of mishaps on the road, but the one that irks me to no end are the overly cautious/ overly courteous drivers.

    They screw everyone up around them by sending mixed signals.

    TAKE YOUR DAMN TURN AT A 4 WAY STOP! I see this way too often. Stop being nervous, overly courteous or whatever the hell it is – you are confusing everyone else out there. Get off the road and let someone confident drive. You are sending mixed signals.

    Someone is broke down on the shoulder of the road (me one time) and the person you called arrives in the fast lane and won’t keep driving to make it to you safely.
    DON’T STOP IN THE FAST LANE SO YOU CAN CROSS OVER TO THE SLOW LANE “WHEN IT’S CLEAR”! There wasn’t any other traffic at that moment. Six seconds later she was rear-ended by another rubbernecker looking at me. Argh!

    When I’m at an intersection but my cross street is the only one with stop signs – DON’T STOP WHEN YOU HAVE NO STOP SIGN JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE EXTRA SAFE! Imbeciles! Are you turning and waiting for oncoming traffic to pass? No? Then WTF are you doing stopping and looking at me?

    These people cause more accidents than they prevent with their “extra safe” behavior behind the wheel.

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  21. 25 cars back from a light?

    …..I don’t know what to say. Yesterday I saw a lady in riding boots walking….and waaaay up ahead her horse was runnin’ wild. Spooked by a dawg. Gave her a ride on the back of muh motorpickle to catch up to her cayuse.

    Also, I’m pretty sure I saw at least 25 cars today.Just….you know….not all at the same light.

  22. When I was in High school, we had Drivers Training because it was a useful skill in life, and our schools actually taught youngsters useful skills.
    To sweeten the deal, a passing grade in a government & economics class was required to get Drivers Ed.
    Kinda explains we have political & financial ignorance and all the shitty drivers to the degree we have now, doesn’t it?

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  23. I’m in Knoxville. Thousands and thousands of people like me coming from somewhere else. A veritable melting pot of driving styles. Someone please shoot me. I came here from the Chicago suburbs where it’s rude to drive under 80. A 3 lane change is something to be accomplished with style and grace. In TN, errbody goes 55 in the left lane.

    I have simply learned where the shoulders are big enough to pass someone if need be.

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