Kurt Schlichter:
Editor’s note: This column is satire.
Key Democrats met secretly to confer about the party’s future as America approached the one-year anniversary of their stunning and hilarious humiliation by Donald Trump. The key question they sought to answer: “How can we Democrats appeal to those Jesus-loving, racist idiots who hate science and don’t live on the coast like everyone we know?”
After opening the seminar by refusing to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Chuck Schumer gaveled the meeting to order, sparking widespread protests. “Hammers are violent tools of oppression that cause oppressed people to literally shake. We need a national conversation about assault gavels that use automatic high-capacity clips,” sputtered the 112 year-old Senator Dianne Feinstein. “Sure, we should be able to have them, but not those, those … little people out there. They don’t need gavels.”
The assembly quickly agreed that in 2018 Democrats must prioritize sensible hammer control, including gavel background checks and ending the tool show loophole, and to enlist Lawrence O’Donnell in their campaign to stop the hammering.
This vital issue settled, Schumer continued: “Remember, we’re here to freely exchange ideas in an atmosphere of openness and unlimited inquiry. With that in mind, your program has a list of the things you can’t say, like ‘illegal alien’ and ‘Christmas.’ It also has a handy cheat sheet of everyone’s preferred pronouns. Mine are ‘he’ and ‘him,’ while Senator Menendez’s are ‘convict’ and ‘Number 675973.’ Also, be sure to observe the rule about not mansplaining, which should not be a problem with this group.” read more
great laugh
because it’s truth
Abnormal assholes try to connect with Normal Americans and it goes poorly! No crap Shakespeare!
fake nuze should also have disclaimers.
maybe them dimwits can get some tips from hellery
Seems like hammers accompanied by sickles are OK with the DNC……
How can you morons appeal to most normal americans? Start by chugging about 2 quarts of floor stripper.
What’s sad is that he has to forewarn about the satire. It’s amazing that there are so many people seemingly incapable of recognizing satire in writing.
A normal, red blooded American could never connect with a crowd of soulless, lack of ethics and honesty that the ‘Rats are known for.
Love Schlicter’s column!
“It also has a handy cheat sheet of everyone’s preferred pronouns. Mine are ‘he’ and ‘him,’ while Senator Menendez’s are ‘convict’ and ‘Number 675973.”
Started to belly laugh at this point, great stuff!