Tipster, NotMyRealName, sent this in with the subject line – My Lips Are Sealed.
Leave it to a man to come up with the dumbest solution to one of women’s most uncomfortable problems – menstruation. Daniel Dopps, a chiropractor from Kansas, USA, has obtained a patent for the “Mensez Adhesive Vaginal Lipstick”, essentially a glue stick that seals the vagina shut to contain menstrual flow. Yes, really!
“Mensez feminine lipstick is a natural patented compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the labia minora and causes them to cling together in a manner strong enough to retain menstrual fluid in the vestibule above the labia minora where the vaginal opening and urethra exit,” Dr. Dopps explains on his LinkedIn page. “The Mensez compound is instantly washed away with urine, which releases the menstrual fluid along with the urine into the toilet every time a woman urinates. No pads or tampons are needed. Safe, secure and clean.”
In the beginning, everyone thought that this product had to be a joke, but Dopps, the CEO and President of Mensez Technologies, said that it was in fact real. You can’t find vaginal adhesive in stores just yet, as Mensez just got the patent for the technology in January, but the company is actively looking to sell it to interested companies that specialize in feminine hygiene, like Procter & Gamble or Kimberly Clark. So far, at least one company has shown interest in their idea. However, supposing he can actually convince some executives to buy his unusual invention, and that it passes trials and regulatory requirements, women would have to find the idea of gluing their vaginas appealing for this thing to hit the market. Apparently, not many of them do.
Many women have taken to social media to show their disapproval for the Mensez feminine glue stick and express their doubts that Dopps actually has any knowledge of the female anatomy. “How is this compound blood and sweat proof, but somehow dissolved by ammonia in the urine?”, “Can users be sure that the urine will fully dissolve the seal?”, “What about the risk of infection from retained menstrual fluids?”, “Does this man know the difference between a urethra and a vagina?” are just some of the questions asked on Facebook and Twitter. When confronted about them, Dopps simply told Forbes that the glue stick “will be thoroughly tested and improved” and that it “makes more sense than putting the plug up there.”
Photo: Facebook
A bizarre Facebook post in which Mensez compares the sensation of having the vagina glued shut with waking up with your lips stuck together has already received a lot of negative comments, and the media hasn’t been too kind to Dopps or his invention. The general reaction has apparently been too much for the Kansas chiropractor who recently snapped and wrote this in reply to a negative comment on his company’s Facebook page: “[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.”
The name is not too catchy.
If this is to be marketed it has to have a little pizazz –
How about Cooter Caulk?
Douchepaste?
Vagigrip?
Boy I wish I had a snarky comment but I got nuttin.
vagiseal
And chiropractors didn’t used to be considered doctors….
The jury’s gonna be out on this idea for a while. Tampons were not initially an easy sell.
Clam juice
So, Quimberly Clark is interested?
Easier to use than a chastity belt.
PatchaSnatch?
Girlrilla Glue
Hoo Hoo Glue
Pooter Puddy
Fix-a-Flaps
Bearded Taco Spackle
Shepoxy
Twat Weld…
Labiary Paste
Chiropractors aren’t doctors. But Trump isn’t my president. Will this product keep Nancy Pelosi’s and Chuck Schumer’s mouths shut? Will it stem the s*#t spewing from their mouths?
Wow, I sure hope the ladies have a sense of humor….our day is coming.
Funny product names aside…this rates a max 10 on the EWWWWW scale!
Is it written to not apply this during intercourse? Just to confirm cause there’s no time to be locked up like that.
Sounds like a promising possibility -as long as a user is prone to drinking lots of water.
Crazy Glue is already taken so I got nuthin.
0K, maybe Beaver Bond.
“Oh my God! It’s been five days with no release of pressure! Get back!…clear the area!…she’s gonna BLOW!!!”
*** transmission terminated * no live feed * standing by… ***
Perfect song for this new invention!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3kQlzOi27M
Snatch Patch
No Flo Glo Glue
Queef Quell
Dutch Boy
That’s better than my zipper idea.
I don’t think containment is healthy. Keep that wound open. Cleaner that way and it will heal quicker.
I can’t believe it ain’t taint paint!
Nah, I’m bowing out on this one…
No, really…
Awww, hell…
Punani Paste.
😂🤣😂🤣 I literally emailed Fur this and then went to bed. Poor guy gets such weird emails from me, I was sure this one wouldn’t make it but it DID! Lol! So far I like girlilla glue best 😂🤣😂🤣
That’s just frigging sick.
Hopefully, Pelosi and Schumer will use it on their real lips along with McShame and Graham
Betting on the term “Toxic Shock” to make a come-back if this product is sold to the public.
Bond-O-Poon
Just gonna wait till they come out with the Glitter an Glo Version.
annie Go Trump
And I thought nothing would ever replace duct tape…
The female genital mutilation simulator without the pesky pain!
SEAL Team 1?
it reminds me of the comedian who riffed on What Would It Be Like If Men Had Vaginas. “Hello, Fred? I cain’t go huntin’ today. Yeah, I’m flowin’….” And then he went on to do marketing names for tampons – “The new & improved Soakmaster 2000!”
I think the guy is just a perve who likes to think of the women of the world gluing their pussies shut. Weirdo. What a stupid idea anyhow.
BTW I vote for Muff It as the brand name. See I can stop being granny for a minute.
Muffit commercials on tv? I can’t wait to see’em! Hope they are as entertaining as geico commercials.
Good one PBird
I recall some advise from the Outlaw Josey Wales: “Slap a hot iron to it, it’s the fastest way to stop the bleeding”