AWD:  I’m not sure where this metrosexual lumberjack beard thing started. Probably Nueva Jork or Mexifornia. Places full of sissified males who read GQ Magazine to learn how to be what they think are men. Like AWD has said on several occasions, if you have to read a mens fashion magazine to learn about being a man, you’re doing it all wrong, junior.


It seems that every time the filly and I go out to eat at a restaurant these days, our waiter looks like Paul Bunyan, only gayer. Instead of carrying an axe, they carry a moisturizing kit. And we can imagine the only ‘wood’ they are familiar with…and it ain’t found in the forest!  read more



  1. There is a nice dept. store chain here in the southeast called Belk’s (similar to Macy’s). About a year ago, I needed some new shoes and decided to look at work boots while I was there. Many years ago when I was forced to frequent malls with my ex, I swear that the upscale stores also sold “high end” work boots.

    I asked the sales lady if they had work boots. She looked at me a little strangely and took me to a few pairs of “work boots” she had available ……. except, being a genuine, authentic redneck, they weren’t really what I would call work boots. They were soft, thin leather uppers with a very lightweight, thin sole with no particular tread pattern. They kinda looked like work boots, but they weren’t.

    So I asked the lady if she had any “real” work boots – not shoes for people that wanted to look like they were wearing work boots. She told me that they didn’t carry actual work boots anymore and she really didn’t think that the fake work boots were what I was looking for based on my general appearance (and I was not offended in the least).

    I asked her if people really wore those things out in public and she laughed and explained that some of the hipsters considered it to be high fashion along with flannel shirts these days. I laughed and told her that I had only been about 30 years ahead of the fashion trend because that was the standard wardrobe for me when I was in my teens and actually worked in the woods out of necessity ……. except we wouldn’t have wasted money (about $130 for a pair) on something that looked like a work boot that wasn’t.

    That was my first introduction to the “lumbersexual” look. But I still see the real thing in the small, rural town that I spend most of my time in, and the folks wearing them don’t have the slightest interest in “fashion” or people that want to look like they are something they aren’t.

  2. The more I think about it, these “lumbersexuals” should be severely punished for committing cultural appropriation without providing a trigger warning. Why should rednecks that actually work in the woods have to put up with such microagressions from these uncaring, offensive wannabees? We have feelings too! (except they are generally feelings of disgust and repulsion for goofy panty-waists that seem to think that wearing “manly” clothes makes them a man).

  3. I have had a full beard for 40 years, it was once strawberry blond, now a distinctive shiny silver. Nope, ain’t cuttin’ it, intresting to find I am now on the cutting edge of men’s fashion.
    Get tons of complements and kids ask all the time if I am Santa.
    Being 6’4″ and robust, they are somewhat intimidated, after a smile and a booming Ho, Ho, Ho, they are all smiles.

  4. I’ve never been a big fan of facial hair, but what bugs me more than the full-on beards are the faggy little peach – fuzz goatees. Go big or go home, boys!

  5. When I see a man with a beard I wonder what personality flaw he’s trying to hide. In my experience men wearing beards have been mostly pedantic phonies.

    Apologies to the man with a beard who is not.

  6. When I encounter someone who considers pendanticaty to be a character flaw. I find in them a person who lets their car insurance lapse, forget to send the child support, not bother to send their children to college and a drunk driver.
    Apologies to those with no ambition, drive or a conscience who are not.

  7. If you’re a woman, do you shave your legs? If so, why?

    If you’re a man, do you approve of women shaving their legs? If so, why?

  8. Most men I hunt with or target shoot with sport beards, as do the woodsmen, at least during the winter. I’d say half the men I know, including myself, have beards, and not a one will tolerate a queer. Many of the full time beard wearers I know think that shaving was invented by some fag. Same thing with neck ties: Some French queer back in the 1600s said “oh, tie me up again Brucie”, and the beard was replaced with a leash. lol. Funerals and weddings are the only time I wear a tie.

    I understand some men not being able to wear a beard because of job requirements, or being hen-pecked by a beauty queen wife who’s never been camping or hunting in her entire lifetime, or she doesn’t like the scratchy feel of a beard on her thighs (that was the only complaint I ever got) 😉

  9. My dad always said a man sporting a beard is trying to hide something. My gaydar went full 100% with that picture. Little sissies need to get a job and find out what life is all about.

  10. I have had a beard most of my adult life for the past 40 years or so. And I haven’t seen my upper lip since the spring of 1976 which was the last time I didn’t have a mustache. I keep it short and well trimmed for the most part getting it trimmed about every 2-3 months or so, if I don’t it gets too goaty on me and looks like Hell. I also can’t stand unkempt beards or dumb ass beards like that idiot redneck guy Bill (his moonshining buddy Josh is dumber than a box of rocks) on Moonshiners on the Discovery Channel. My beard grows way faster than my hair since I’m bald, I only cut my hair about twice a year. I couldn’t have long hair again, I’d look funny and my daughters would get after me for trying to be a hippie. So I’m back to short hair, buzz cuts or pig shaves like when my Dad cut our hair when I was a kid. And the biggest reason I have a beard is I hate shaving. And it looks good on me especially now that that it’s getting more gray and silver. My kids also freaked out when they were growing up when I cut my beard because they didn’t know me without my beard.

  11. I’m quit a sissy, but folks don’t call me missy cause I’ve got some hair on my face, na na, na na, na na. Ain’t no deny-in I really am a try-in, I’m sad cause I feel out of place, na na, na na, na na. Shave
    like a man, they’ll understand, I haven’t got a clue. although I try, I just don’t know why. my message ain’t get-in through.

  12. They are all over Seattle and carrying a purse that I suppose they keep their manpons in. They would look less rediculous with a rubber nose and a pair of big red shoes on. Then there is the stupid ass female version that trotts around Portland and Seattle Whole Foods decked out like she set out from home this morning to scale the Matterhorn and got sidetracked.

  13. ‘In my experience men wearing beards have been mostly pedantic phonies.’
    If that’s the case, you need to either get out more, or change your social circle.

  14. Do these weenie metrosexuals (I always thought a metrosexual was some guy who had sex for old school guys in a Nash Metro or the newer more effeminate weenies in a Geo Metro) who carry a murse (man purse) also have muns?

  15. I saw one of the faggy looking bastards with two, I guess the Princess Leia look is next up.

    I am considering selling lip plates to the lost souls in Seattle and Portland. Hell I might be able to retire a multi-millionaire and be considered a trend setter. The pathetic miserable failures can add the Ubangi lip plate to their ear hoops the size of snooze cans in their stretched out ear lobes and really get back at their parents.

  16. Basic human dignity is a concept that is totally lost on these empty headed and even emptier soul Seattle and Portland counterfeits.

    They live in a parallel universe where following the herd is considered being true to yourself.

    The very thought of not being “in with the in crowd” is like Kryptonite to these lemmings. It really has been pathetic to watch this progression into what it has become.

    You won’t find a single one of these vacuous nitwits who has the balls to utter an original thought… that is if they are even capable of thinking outside of what they have been told to think in schools run by leftist dim bulbs and by the media, especially MTV and it’s counterparts.

    They are a particularly cowardly lot and the collective is where their comfort zone is. Irrespective of how ridiculous the accoutrements get they are willing to follow to the point of absurdity lest they not fit in.

    It is groupthink and group identity all the way and as the fad progresses and gets more absurd the herd follows along behind their very own version of a second-rate Charlie Manson.

    There are variations on the theme in Seattle and Portland. There are the ones all in black and with white makeup and black fingernails, hair die and lipstick. There are other equally as ridiculous costumes.

    I have observed and tried to put what is driving this in context and as of today I think that Seattle and Portland are havens for perpetual adolescents who have taken high school and made it a lifestyle choice.

    If you look at politics in Seattle and Portland, it is the politics of rule by the perpetual adolescent.

  17. These are the same clowns that don’t know why one blinker flashes faster than the other. Yeah yeah great beard, but can you change a tire?

  18. Bunch of guys round here sport beards, and if you called em “pedantic phonies” within their earshot they’d knock your teeth down your throat, unless you’re a woman, then they’d knock the guy you were with’s teeth down his throat.

    Then they’d ask you what “pedantic” meant …

    Round here, everybody’s a redneck, “hillbilly” is an insult or appellation of pride, depending which end you’re on.

  19. the Loggers i knew (not lumberjacks) working the woods of coastal Oregon wore Hickory shirts, not flannel. I’ll bet these lumbersexuals couldn’t pick up a choker, let alone set one around a log!

  20. I’ve had a beard for about thirty years now. Really don’t get the multiple references above that I’m ‘hiding something’. At all.

    I just think my face looks like me with it there. It’s quite short, always has been. Today, it’s mostly white.

    Used to have to cut it all off for an annual respirator fit test for work. Not anymore. Heh, when you have a beard and have to shave it to skin, you can feel a butterfly in Beijing. I’m one of those guys have really thick hairs and baby skin underneath.

    So, I’ll keep my beard. My daughter, my lover (recently asked her to marry me and she said yes!), even my mom (87 today) likes my facial hair.

  21. I grew a beard about five years ago after a failed root canal caused my face to swell up. There was no way I was dragging a razor across my face. It would have hurt like hell. I decided to keep the beard after some ladies told me they liked it because it hid my face.

  22. Well I got here late but will chime in anyway.
    I have had a beard and a ponytail since the early ’80s. Since then they have become what I like to think of as a distinguished gray color. I keep the beard trimmed back to a medium grizzle with comb and scissors.
    I have never had a goatee (or goatse for that matter.)
    I buy my clothing from Cabelas or Duluth trading, sometimes from Sheplers. Due to my Scots ancestry, plaid is my favorite color, so flannel shirts are a natural for me.
    Not sure what is a metrosexual, but pretty sure I ain’t one.
    I try to keep my pedantry to a minimum, and my pantry at maximum.

  23. Then there are some of us who have had facial hair for as long as we can remember. It even serves a purpose in some cases like hiding scars of war.

    Maybe we don’t give a flying fuck what anybody else thinks about our beard or haircut or what ever. The important thing is WE know we are NOT committing MALE FRAUD like some big city sissy/metrosexual/faggot!!!

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