#Wapo Death Notices – IOTW Report

#Wapo Death Notices

Charles Manson, club leader and motivational speaker, dies at 83. –@CarmineSabia

Witch of the West, pioneering female aviator, dead at 480. @Forcebalance

Jesus of Nazareth, noted wine maker, dead at 33. @travisakers

“Jeffrey Dahmer, connoisseur of exotic and locally sourced meats, dies at 34” –@NumbersMuncher

Osama Bin Laden, social justice warrior and critic of America shot and killed by home invasion robber –@DavidWohl

John Wilkes Booth, professional actor and amateur marksman, dies at 26 –@HarvardGradSays





39 Comments on #Wapo Death Notices

  1. Mohammed’s pink swastika
    OCTOBER 27, 2019 AT 4:24 PM
    “Mama Cass, Trying to beat the world record of eating a ham sandwich in under two bites, dead at age 32.”

    …if Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter that last sandwich, we’d still have them both…

    Karen Carpenter, Olympic caliber dieter who was never a burden on Craft Services while touring, dead at 32 after a lifetime of responsibly avoiding participation in the production of cow farts.

    9
  2. Kermt Gosnell. Beloved Women’s Health Practioner and collector…..oh wait. They’re supposed to be dead? Damn.

    With any luck this can be published by end of day.

    Little help?

    9
  3. Vlad “Count” Dracula, successful corrections officer, leader of Romania, blood chemist and philanthropic blood bank pioneer, dead at 48. In related news, the American Trial Lawyers Association and our sister publication, The New Vlad Times will be closed all this week to mourn the loss of their beloved benefactor and advisor.

    4
  4. John Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr. Age 38.

    Lawyer, Entrepreneur, magazine publisher and really bad pilot who thought he was better than he was. Came up just a bit short on his upside down splash into narragansett bay, a bit short of martha’s vineyard.

    5
  5. Vlad the Impaler- eccentric shock artist, landscaper and noted community organizer dead at 50. Expected to return. Please no garlic, crucifix’s or wolfbain at memorial.

    5
  6. Democrat Party. Aged 245. A once prominent political party deriving its power from the enslavement of Africans to toil in its fields. When Republicans formed their party to end such barbarism, a civil war erupted that cost many lives. Unable to abide by defeat,Democrats created white robed terrorists that exacted lynch mobs.

    Eventually the Democrat Party changed its tactics from direct confrontation with blacks, to offering free stuff and the ability to abort the fruit of their very productive loins which thrived in an atmosphere of irresponsibility.

    The last President, a kinda black guy who was more a mulatto huckster, from that party attempted to institutionalize irresponsibility, disempower law enforcement, Open the country’s borders, use his federal powers to punish his critics and opponents and have found themselves wandering aimlessly in the political wilderness.

    Perhaps not forever. But probably long enough that I might die a happy old man.

    But vigilant I shall remain.

    5
  7. O.J. Simpson, Dead at 75. Simpson was a Heisman Trophy winner, professional athlete, Actor, and cutlery enthusiast , as well as a spokesman for Bruno Magli shoes and Isotoner gloves.

    3
  8. …The Wicked Witch of the East, age unknown. From the coroner’s report:
    “As Coroner I must aver,
    I thoroughly examined her.
    And she’s not only merely dead,
    she’s really most sincerely dead.”
    https://youtu.be/4vFRB61xyls

    (Keep that handy for Hillary, Warren, and…probably VERY soon..Ruth Bader Ginsberg…)

    2
  9. Mongolian clan unification facilitator and champion of Pan Eurasian commerce, Genghis Khan, interred in private ceremony

    Entire Central Asian populations unavailable for comment

    1
  10. Hideki Tojo, whose genocidal achievements were unfairly overshadowed by his contemporaries in Berlin succumbed yesterday from a sudden constriction of blood flow to his cranium

    2
  11. Mohammed, rumored prophet of the religion of peace, originator of the meme “I kill you,” and serial marriage proponent, dead after a nefarious camel incident.

    2

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