Charles Manson, club leader and motivational speaker, dies at 83. –@CarmineSabia
Witch of the West, pioneering female aviator, dead at 480. @Forcebalance
Jesus of Nazareth, noted wine maker, dead at 33. @travisakers
“Jeffrey Dahmer, connoisseur of exotic and locally sourced meats, dies at 34” –@NumbersMuncher
Osama Bin Laden, social justice warrior and critic of America shot and killed by home invasion robber –@DavidWohl
John Wilkes Booth, professional actor and amateur marksman, dies at 26 –@HarvardGradSays
Jim Jones, Kool-Aid connoisseur dead at age 47.
Kurt Cobain, passed away due to a lead overdose. Age 27.
Elijah Eugene Cummings
Satan disguised as a milk dud – dead at 68
Mama Cass, Trying to beat the world record of eating a ham sandwich in under two bites, dead at age 32.
Cummings, satan, milk dud. :)). Too bad it lasted this long.
“Lucifer, the world’s light bearer, loses his battle to a maniacal tyrant. His age was unknown.”
“Adolf Hitler, car designer and struggling artist, dead at 56.”
Uncle Joe Stalin “Nation Builder” dead @ age 74
Edward M. “Teddy” Kennedy, long time United States Senator, voluminous consumer of spirits, mentor to young women and extremely strong at aquatics, dead at 77.
Pol Pot cemetery custodian dead at age 72
Rock Hudson, died of food poisoning (ate a bad wiener) dead at 59.
Mohammed’s pink swastika
OCTOBER 27, 2019 AT 4:24 PM
“Mama Cass, Trying to beat the world record of eating a ham sandwich in under two bites, dead at age 32.”
…if Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter that last sandwich, we’d still have them both…
Karen Carpenter, Olympic caliber dieter who was never a burden on Craft Services while touring, dead at 32 after a lifetime of responsibly avoiding participation in the production of cow farts.
“John Wayne Gacy, community volunteer, successful businessman, and beloved children’s entertainer, dead at 52.”
Kermt Gosnell. Beloved Women’s Health Practioner and collector…..oh wait. They’re supposed to be dead? Damn.
With any luck this can be published by end of day.
Little help?
The bloated corpse of Barack Obama‘s legacy found dead in an upscale swamp.
TRUMP2020
Adam Schiff’s ethics, died at birth, he never knew them well enough to miss them.
Barry Soetoro’s name, erased by the fraudulent “Barak Obama” to hide his Islamic origins, in a small ceremony in Bill Ayers’ living room, 1995.
Władziu Valentino Liberace
“Liberace” to most, dead @ 67.
Born in Wisconsin.
Reared in Las Vegas.
Justine Turdeau, liberal socialist megalomaniac in Quebec, dead at 47, after Obama endorsement, from foot in mouth with pink sox dye.
Vlad “Count” Dracula, successful corrections officer, leader of Romania, blood chemist and philanthropic blood bank pioneer, dead at 48. In related news, the American Trial Lawyers Association and our sister publication, The New Vlad Times will be closed all this week to mourn the loss of their beloved benefactor and advisor.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr. Age 38.
Lawyer, Entrepreneur, magazine publisher and really bad pilot who thought he was better than he was. Came up just a bit short on his upside down splash into narragansett bay, a bit short of martha’s vineyard.
@PHenry
JFKJr was Arkancided to make room for Hitlery
Ed Gein, local Plainfield farmer and upholsterer dead at 77. He loved his mother.
Tomás de Torquemada, noted Catholic community organizer, dead at 77.
Vlad the Impaler- eccentric shock artist, landscaper and noted community organizer dead at 50. Expected to return. Please no garlic, crucifix’s or wolfbain at memorial.
Mohammed Ata: Aspiring pilot, ‘did some stuff’
Jeffery Dahmer noted local
gourmand dies at 34
The Washington Post, premier propaganda of the left, literally starves to death in 2020 at ~142 years old, due to subscriber exodus because it is fake news.
Nero, civic leader, harp enthusiast, and the lighter of the Appian Way dead at 30
Democrat Party. Aged 245. A once prominent political party deriving its power from the enslavement of Africans to toil in its fields. When Republicans formed their party to end such barbarism, a civil war erupted that cost many lives. Unable to abide by defeat,Democrats created white robed terrorists that exacted lynch mobs.
Eventually the Democrat Party changed its tactics from direct confrontation with blacks, to offering free stuff and the ability to abort the fruit of their very productive loins which thrived in an atmosphere of irresponsibility.
The last President, a kinda black guy who was more a mulatto huckster, from that party attempted to institutionalize irresponsibility, disempower law enforcement, Open the country’s borders, use his federal powers to punish his critics and opponents and have found themselves wandering aimlessly in the political wilderness.
Perhaps not forever. But probably long enough that I might die a happy old man.
But vigilant I shall remain.
O.J. Simpson, Dead at 75. Simpson was a Heisman Trophy winner, professional athlete, Actor, and cutlery enthusiast , as well as a spokesman for Bruno Magli shoes and Isotoner gloves.
Ted Bundy noted Volkswagen enthusiast and the last partner to countless women dead at 42
Richard Kuklinski noted preservation expert dead at 70.
…The Wicked Witch of the East, age unknown. From the coroner’s report:
“As Coroner I must aver,
I thoroughly examined her.
And she’s not only merely dead,
she’s really most sincerely dead.”
https://youtu.be/4vFRB61xyls
(Keep that handy for Hillary, Warren, and…probably VERY soon..Ruth Bader Ginsberg…)
Mongolian clan unification facilitator and champion of Pan Eurasian commerce, Genghis Khan, interred in private ceremony
Entire Central Asian populations unavailable for comment
Hideki Tojo, whose genocidal achievements were unfairly overshadowed by his contemporaries in Berlin succumbed yesterday from a sudden constriction of blood flow to his cranium
Mohammed, rumored prophet of the religion of peace, originator of the meme “I kill you,” and serial marriage proponent, dead after a nefarious camel incident.
Julius Caesar, beloved emperor to be, dead at 55 from a botched acapuncture treatment.
From the archives:
Franklin D Roosevelt, noted supporter of freedom and free enterprise and fierce opponent of socialsim, dead at 62