ha ha ha, to be having a heart attack alone under a blue sky out in the woods dragging the biggest animal I have ever shot out of the woods.
Don’t care but my tombstone should read “He didn’t leave mad, he just got the f**k out.”
If I’m buried
in Canada it can say “He made like a hockey stick and got the puck out of here.”
Rather than a funeral I’d rather crawl up someplace in the deep woods and let nature do its thing. Better than put in a frig, taken out and cleaned like a fish and then taken out an buried like cat shit. But thats just me.
Hopefully withing 24 hours, I’ll be wrapped in a shroud, no extra frills, placed in a heavy cardboard or plywood coffin with handles, church in the morning, then immediate burial in the nearest National Cemetery.
Just FYI, if you or your spouse served during war time there is a free plot waiting for you both in the nearest National Cemetery. They stack couples. DD214 form, honorable discharge, mandatory.
It’s nice to know everything is all set.
FYI National Cemeteries require handles on the coffin.
Door knobs too?
I want every joke I’ve ever told repeated to the crowd, even the bad ones.
Having conducted a lot of them I want someone to say “gee his farts really stunk,” or “he really liked velvetta cheese,” or “he didn’t have any friends but he did have a lot of acquaintances.”
I’d prefer no visitation nor funeral services, cremation, and a big ass party for friends and family following in which my musician friends play all the songs I’ve ever written on all the guitars and other stringed instruments I’ll leave behind.
I would like to die like in a Disney movie with all the cartoon birds and forest animals around me and my loved ones (which aren’t many!). Then off to cremation, I go to church but I don’t want visitation, no obituary, and a small service with communion. I really don’t want to disrupt anyone’s day so two people there is enough. Then dump my ashes wherever the heck you want–do not save them or put them in any particular place. I am low maintenance in life and I want the same for my death.
Surprise Me.
organgrinder,
yer killin’ me – well, not literally.
LOL! Hahahahhaaa
“I don’t care if they shove a bone up my ass and let the dogs drag me through the woods.”
(L. Tippet)
My sentiments, exactly.
izlamo delenda est …
I just really hate the idea of being processed by some industry that preys on and exploits the grieving. I know that its necessary but the whole thing has become warped from the original intention.
Has anyone noticed the disturbing new funeral trend? It’s the one where some girl electrocutes herself in the tub with a cell phone or a drunk driver wipes out a prom queen or a dude overdoses on heroin… The family sets up a GOFUNDME for $25k-$50k to “cover funeral expenses.”
What the flying fcuk did people do before unsocial media and crowd funding?
$25k to bury some junkie? Yeah, so what, before he found heroin he was a state wrestling champ. Who fucking cares? Cremate his carcass and hold a memorial at a church or community center. $2k tops!
I swear every story I read about a tragedy always has a fucking gofundME link!
No viewing, no visitation, no funeral, no memorial service.
Cremation as fast as possible.
My wife asked, “people will wish to see you before burial”.
My response, “This tradition is bizarre, I’m gone, they should have seen me before I died.”
Right on, Cato. Relatives unseen for decades show up when I’m dead? No thanks.
Bury me with a case of my favorite beer.
See which relative opens the casket…
Who cares? Just know I’ll be watching…
I want Eddie Van Halen to play a tribute.
(I noticed only three people actually answered the question.)
“I wanna be cremated… mix my ashes with the douchewater up in Reno so the ‘girls’ can run me through one more time”.
-Pappy
No funeral. Just creamated and my ashes blended with my wifes. I havent buried her yet. And have both of us spread onto the wind.
would like to be placed on a bier in a large Viking long ship, w/ 2 dozen blonde Viking virgins wailing & gnashing that they didn’t get the pleasure of experiencing me, & left to serve She Who Must Be Obeyed for the rest of their lives. while warriors shot flaming arrows at the ship as it is cast away from shore & giant Viking horns echoing “waaaaaooooooooghaaaa” off the fiord, ala Kirk Douglas in ‘The Vikings’
… oh, & ritual sacrifice, starting w/ the US Senate & all democRat appointed federal judges ….
Play “The Leaving of Liverpool” by The Pogues at my funeral and follow up with a good old fashioned Irish wake.
I want to be buried at the Eastern Wash. veterans cemetery out in Medical Lake W. of Spokane and hopefully they can inscribe my favorite kids joke on it. What did the elephant say to the naked man? That’s cute but how do With 3 legs? Lean beef. With 2 legs? Extra lean beef. It’d be fun for you breathe thru it. Or what do yo call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. people walking thru the grave yard to get a good laugh when they’re out there. And tell funny stories and jokes at my memorial service. Why not!
Since my cancer has significantly shortened my life; doc tells me the average is about 6 years, I have actually given this a good deal of thought.
I’m a traditional Catholic. I want a high sung Requiem Mass in the old traditional Latin Rite. Ideally, it would be Mozart’s great Requiem Mass score.
Ok, lets get the joke right. What did the elephant say to the naked man? That’s cute but how do you breathe thru it. Sorry for he convolution, it’s till early and I was up late last night helping my 92 yr. old mom after she fell after my dad called me all panicky, that’s a story in it self but everything is OK. I don’t know how such a little 92 year old lady has so much spunk and tenacity, she’s almost worse than my 1 year old grand daughter trying to keep her out of trouble.
Say the holy words that might help Christ make a decision to keep me with him.
Then blast my ashes out of a cannon into the ocean and go home.
Maybe playing Please Don’t Bury Me by John Prine would also be fun.
I have never seen the comfort in looking at dead people. I don’t want that. Unembalmed, immediate burial or cremation for me. Services in your own heart. I’ve already sealed my eternal fate one way or another and an hour of prayer and singing isn’t going to change that.
load me up into a small wooden boat filled with hay bales and 25 gallons of diesel fuel. Have all of my friends and family shoot flaming arrows at it until someone scores a hit. Award Prizes. The one who starts the fire can have my house.
I want to be cremated. A few prayers by our Pastor. No visitation or viewing nonsense. If you couldn’t visit with me alive what’s the point of staring at a corpse.
The director of the local shelter knows this as we both have the same crazy thoughts. Sprinkle some ashes in the animal grave yard out back. Then use the rest mixed with litter in cat litter boxes. Useful and recycled and humorous.
I don’t wanna be buried in a Pet Sematary.
Sorry I stuck that one in your head.
I’m eating KALE until I out-live Jimmy Carter.
I want to be turned into “Soylent Green”
Mass with “Dies Irae,” then “Salve Regina” heading to a wake. Drink up ’cause it’s the last time I’m buying.
What I truly want is anything that will be satisfactory to the handful of people who care both about me and about such things as funerals.
If it were left up to me, though, I’d like to be cremated and have my ashes mixed in with molten lead to cast bullets for the coming rebellion to regain actual freedom in our nation. There are just so many people who want to be rulers, it’s going to take a lot of bullets before it’s all over.
See what happens when you work? You get the fuzzy end of the lolly pop (meaning I didn’t get to comment while the commenting was good).
So, here is goes anyway: I have always told all my family and friends that I want to be cremated and scattered over Mt. Rainier. That way when the volcano erupts – I’m EVERYWHERE! hehehehehehe
Besides, it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. Won’t go back until Seattle rids itself of all the libs. Ok, maybe I’ll go back to visit the mountain sometime.
I want to be cremated and Keith Richards to snort me, mixed with a little cocaine.
Burn me in the oven and toss me into the sea. Hafa Adai phuckers!
my funeral ?
ha ha ha, to be having a heart attack alone under a blue sky out in the woods dragging the biggest animal I have ever shot out of the woods.
Don’t care but my tombstone should read “He didn’t leave mad, he just got the f**k out.”
If I’m buried
in Canada it can say “He made like a hockey stick and got the puck out of here.”
Rather than a funeral I’d rather crawl up someplace in the deep woods and let nature do its thing. Better than put in a frig, taken out and cleaned like a fish and then taken out an buried like cat shit. But thats just me.
Hopefully withing 24 hours, I’ll be wrapped in a shroud, no extra frills, placed in a heavy cardboard or plywood coffin with handles, church in the morning, then immediate burial in the nearest National Cemetery.
Just FYI, if you or your spouse served during war time there is a free plot waiting for you both in the nearest National Cemetery. They stack couples. DD214 form, honorable discharge, mandatory.
It’s nice to know everything is all set.
FYI National Cemeteries require handles on the coffin.
Door knobs too?
I want every joke I’ve ever told repeated to the crowd, even the bad ones.
Having conducted a lot of them I want someone to say “gee his farts really stunk,” or “he really liked velvetta cheese,” or “he didn’t have any friends but he did have a lot of acquaintances.”
I’d prefer no visitation nor funeral services, cremation, and a big ass party for friends and family following in which my musician friends play all the songs I’ve ever written on all the guitars and other stringed instruments I’ll leave behind.
I would like to die like in a Disney movie with all the cartoon birds and forest animals around me and my loved ones (which aren’t many!). Then off to cremation, I go to church but I don’t want visitation, no obituary, and a small service with communion. I really don’t want to disrupt anyone’s day so two people there is enough. Then dump my ashes wherever the heck you want–do not save them or put them in any particular place. I am low maintenance in life and I want the same for my death.
Surprise Me.
organgrinder,
yer killin’ me – well, not literally.
LOL! Hahahahhaaa
“I don’t care if they shove a bone up my ass and let the dogs drag me through the woods.”
(L. Tippet)
My sentiments, exactly.
izlamo delenda est …
I just really hate the idea of being processed by some industry that preys on and exploits the grieving. I know that its necessary but the whole thing has become warped from the original intention.
Has anyone noticed the disturbing new funeral trend? It’s the one where some girl electrocutes herself in the tub with a cell phone or a drunk driver wipes out a prom queen or a dude overdoses on heroin… The family sets up a GOFUNDME for $25k-$50k to “cover funeral expenses.”
What the flying fcuk did people do before unsocial media and crowd funding?
$25k to bury some junkie? Yeah, so what, before he found heroin he was a state wrestling champ. Who fucking cares? Cremate his carcass and hold a memorial at a church or community center. $2k tops!
I swear every story I read about a tragedy always has a fucking gofundME link!
No viewing, no visitation, no funeral, no memorial service.
Cremation as fast as possible.
My wife asked, “people will wish to see you before burial”.
My response, “This tradition is bizarre, I’m gone, they should have seen me before I died.”
Right on, Cato. Relatives unseen for decades show up when I’m dead? No thanks.
Bury me with a case of my favorite beer.
See which relative opens the casket…
Who cares? Just know I’ll be watching…
I want Eddie Van Halen to play a tribute.
(I noticed only three people actually answered the question.)
“I wanna be cremated… mix my ashes with the douchewater up in Reno so the ‘girls’ can run me through one more time”.
-Pappy
No funeral. Just creamated and my ashes blended with my wifes. I havent buried her yet. And have both of us spread onto the wind.
would like to be placed on a bier in a large Viking long ship, w/ 2 dozen blonde Viking virgins wailing & gnashing that they didn’t get the pleasure of experiencing me, & left to serve She Who Must Be Obeyed for the rest of their lives. while warriors shot flaming arrows at the ship as it is cast away from shore & giant Viking horns echoing “waaaaaooooooooghaaaa” off the fiord, ala Kirk Douglas in ‘The Vikings’
… oh, & ritual sacrifice, starting w/ the US Senate & all democRat appointed federal judges ….
nothing big, or anything … I’m not that vain 😉
See what I mean?
https://www.gofundme.com/44i5tk8
Play “The Leaving of Liverpool” by The Pogues at my funeral and follow up with a good old fashioned Irish wake.
I want to be buried at the Eastern Wash. veterans cemetery out in Medical Lake W. of Spokane and hopefully they can inscribe my favorite kids joke on it. What did the elephant say to the naked man? That’s cute but how do With 3 legs? Lean beef. With 2 legs? Extra lean beef. It’d be fun for you breathe thru it. Or what do yo call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. people walking thru the grave yard to get a good laugh when they’re out there. And tell funny stories and jokes at my memorial service. Why not!
Since my cancer has significantly shortened my life; doc tells me the average is about 6 years, I have actually given this a good deal of thought.
I’m a traditional Catholic. I want a high sung Requiem Mass in the old traditional Latin Rite. Ideally, it would be Mozart’s great Requiem Mass score.
Ok, lets get the joke right. What did the elephant say to the naked man? That’s cute but how do you breathe thru it. Sorry for he convolution, it’s till early and I was up late last night helping my 92 yr. old mom after she fell after my dad called me all panicky, that’s a story in it self but everything is OK. I don’t know how such a little 92 year old lady has so much spunk and tenacity, she’s almost worse than my 1 year old grand daughter trying to keep her out of trouble.
Say the holy words that might help Christ make a decision to keep me with him.
Then blast my ashes out of a cannon into the ocean and go home.
Maybe playing Please Don’t Bury Me by John Prine would also be fun.
I have never seen the comfort in looking at dead people. I don’t want that. Unembalmed, immediate burial or cremation for me. Services in your own heart. I’ve already sealed my eternal fate one way or another and an hour of prayer and singing isn’t going to change that.
load me up into a small wooden boat filled with hay bales and 25 gallons of diesel fuel. Have all of my friends and family shoot flaming arrows at it until someone scores a hit. Award Prizes. The one who starts the fire can have my house.
I want to be cremated. A few prayers by our Pastor. No visitation or viewing nonsense. If you couldn’t visit with me alive what’s the point of staring at a corpse.
The director of the local shelter knows this as we both have the same crazy thoughts. Sprinkle some ashes in the animal grave yard out back. Then use the rest mixed with litter in cat litter boxes. Useful and recycled and humorous.
I don’t wanna be buried in a Pet Sematary.
Sorry I stuck that one in your head.
I’m eating KALE until I out-live Jimmy Carter.
I want to be turned into “Soylent Green”
Mass with “Dies Irae,” then “Salve Regina” heading to a wake. Drink up ’cause it’s the last time I’m buying.
What I truly want is anything that will be satisfactory to the handful of people who care both about me and about such things as funerals.
If it were left up to me, though, I’d like to be cremated and have my ashes mixed in with molten lead to cast bullets for the coming rebellion to regain actual freedom in our nation. There are just so many people who want to be rulers, it’s going to take a lot of bullets before it’s all over.
See what happens when you work? You get the fuzzy end of the lolly pop (meaning I didn’t get to comment while the commenting was good).
So, here is goes anyway: I have always told all my family and friends that I want to be cremated and scattered over Mt. Rainier. That way when the volcano erupts – I’m EVERYWHERE! hehehehehehe
Besides, it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. Won’t go back until Seattle rids itself of all the libs. Ok, maybe I’ll go back to visit the mountain sometime.
I want to be cremated and Keith Richards to snort me, mixed with a little cocaine.
Burn me in the oven and toss me into the sea. Hafa Adai phuckers!