Hey there, person! Are you still using electricity? We all know electricity makes the earth cry, which is why California recently banned it altogether. If you are one of the heartless few still using electricity to cool your home or charge your phone, here are 10 electricity alternatives. Try them all to become a better human being!
- Buy an electric car so you can burn it for warmth: Those lithium batteries really light up!
- Offer burnt sacrifices to an ancient pagan god so he’ll give you mild weather: You won’t have to turn on the AC ever again!
- Just die: Problem solved! Just make sure your death with dignity is handled by a trusted healthcare professional.
- Get transferred into the body of a blue alien on a distant planet’s moon and then fall in love with one of the locals while learning to live off of the land naturally and then betray the entire human race: No electricity though. Hooray! MORE HERE h/t NAAC.
burn witches.
https://youtu.be/_lu5_5Od7WY
Burn babies on my altar.
Syphilis burns. Get that!
Burn cities!
Throw a bucket of water on fat ass Hillary Clinton and you will stay warm for hours!
Light your farts!
https://youtu.be/95cOdeRnRuk
Sacrifice an electric car to the gods of Global Warming.
(This will automatically happen no matter what anyway…)
Burn Washington!
https://boundarystones.weta.org/sites/default/files/styles/alignnone/public/Gleig_0.jpg?itok=Q8NlIyGb
Hire a billion or so hamsters to run endlessly inside a little wheel which will feed energy into tiny turbines, then collect the power from a billion little turbines to power the entire earth with electricity.
Some of the power will be needed to breed and maintain industrial hamsters. A billion hamsters need food and water daily. OK, the industrial hamsters will need 95% of the power, but what the Hey!
Put in a 2500 gal propane tank like Barky
They charge for disposal of tires.
They burn hotter than hell and make good signal fires.
And you save the disposal cost. In Joe’s economy you have to save where you can.
“…then betray the entire human race”
…we’ve got THAT part down…
Liposuction fat, woke progressives and burn their fat in kerosene lamps. You’ll have to hold your nose, but after awhile, you won’t smell it anymore. (Tell them it’s required to save the planet and have them line up for it like getting vaccinated for COVID.)
General Malaise
SEPTEMBER 8, 2022 AT 8:09 PM
“…burn their fat in kerosene lamps. You’ll have to hold your nose, but after awhile, you won’t smell it anymore.”
…That’s what I told everybody, but they wouldn’t listen, so we changed the story to say it was a pork factory instead…
https://babylonbee.com/news/gavin-newsom-now-running-ads-in-florida-and-other-states-where-people-can-still-turn-on-their-tvs
Not so long ago the most prevalent fuel for cooking was animal dung.
So… dry your kaka out on the back patio and use those ‘pellets’ in your smoker.
Mesquite becomes “what the hell is this mess?!”
ROFL @ “Pyroflatulence”. I now have a goal to find a way to work that into conversation next week.
11. Snuggle up to you wife when she goes through menopause.
Buy a Fred Flintstone feet-propelled car.
Don’t concern yourselves.
In the Demonrat’s Gulag and KZ (Konzentrationslager) system, there ain’t no electricity – all work is done through human power – and we probably won’t survive the winter to worry about the summer heat.
mortem tyrannis
izlamo delenda est …
Rope
What is the difference between the Titanic and the state of California?
Well the lights on the Titanic were on.., when the ship went down