With The Wendy Bell Radio Program [from show # “Congress Needs To Be Bitch Slapped.“]
23 Comments on IT’S BAD JOKE FRIDAY!
Comments are closed.
iOTWreport.com ©2024 ----- iOTWreport is not responsible for the content of comments. All opinions in comments are solely the commenter's.
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac that laid awake all night wondering if there is a dog? Sure 90% of you heard this one but 10% haven’t.
What’s the difference between the Swedish bikini team and Cirque du Soleil?..
One is a cunning array of stunts!
FJB
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A guy in a bar says what do you do with an epileptic in a bath tub?
You put your dirty clothes in with him. The guy next to him says You got a lot of nerve telling that joke, my dead brother was an epileptic.
First guy says I’m terribly sorry, how did he die?
Second guy says He choked on a sock.
It often seems the biggest joke of all is that we live under a Constitution that ‘guarantees’ all Americans certain rights yet, those rights seem to be CONSTANTLY under attack.
There are foreign entities and domestic enemies alike that our sworn ‘leaders’ have taken an oath to protect us from.
I strongly sense a serious lack of protection from our side of the equation and the lack of protection is monumentally absent.
There is a HUGE void where the heads of certain ‘politicians’ should be present.
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. So the bartender asks how are you going to pay, and the duck says put it on my bill.
Hey, it says BAD JOKE Friday.
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.
If life gives you melons then you’re probably dyslexic.
Did you heard about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They tried to do the 96 positions.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying “Yo.”
Two dyslexic guys were riding in a car. One turned to the other and said, “Can you smell petrol?” The other replied, “Don’t be a moron, I can’t even smell my own name!”
A dyslexic robber ran into a bank. He screamed: “Air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up!”
Have you heard of the cow who attained spirtual enlightenment? She was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM!
Yo mama so dyslexic, she went into the YMCA thinking it was Macy’s.
My girl friend calls me a god. At first I was pleased, but now I’m not so sure as I remembered she’s dyslexic.
What do you call an anorexic cow with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
Guy goes to the heart doctor. Doc says, you’ll be fine. Take these pills. Take two on Monday, skip the next day, two on Wednesday, skip the next, etc.
2 weeks later, the guy’s wife calls to say he died.
The doctor says, “How can that be? He took the pills, right?”
She says, “It probably wasn’t the pills. It was probably all that skipping.”
A tourist from back East observes on Indian chief in town going from one pretty woman after another and saying “Chance?”. Watching this for a few minutes the tourist walks up to the old chief and says “I thought you Indians greeted people by saying ‘How’.” to which the old chief replies, “Know how, want chance.”
They are supposed to be bad, correct??
Two hobos sitting around a campfire talking about the best sex they ever had. After the hobo finishes, the other one says, “The best sex I ever had was right down there near the railroad tracks. I did everything with her… I mean EV ER Y THING. You name it. I mean it, name it.”
The other hobo says, “Missionary?”
“Of course,” he says.
“Anal?” the hobo asks.
“Sure did,” the guy answers.
“How about head?” the hobo asks.
The guy says, “She didn’t have one.”
“Do you know the difference between ignorance and apathy?” asked the Senator.
“Don’t know, don’t care.” replied the affirmative action Supreme Court nominee. (couldn’t define what a woman was either)
A tourist is in Egypt and needs to know the time. He see an old man sitting on a stool next to a camel. He asks if he knows the time. The old man leans over and puts the camel’s nuts in his hand and lifts them and says, “It’s 3:04.”
The tourist is amazed and goes and tells his buddy there is an old man that can tell time by lifting a camel’s nuts.
The friend says, “No way.”
The other friend says, “Go and ask him.”
He walks over and asks the time. The old man leans over and lifts the camel’s nuts and says, “It’s 3:06.”
The guy says, “That is amazing, how do you do that?’
The old man leans over, lifts the camel’s nuts and points into the distance and says “you see that clock tower….”
After his ship crashes into the rocks a sailor manages to swim to a desert island. While looking around he finds the local tribe, but they are all men. He makes friends with them and is now part of the tribe. After about a week he asks the chief ,”Say, what do you guys do for fun around here?”. The chief tells him, “Every Saturday we get in our canoes and go over the next island where we have our way with a herd of sheep”. Disgusted the sailor says ,”No thanks”.
A few months go by and those sheep and now sounding pretty good so the next trip over the sailor joins them. He is the first one of the boat, he runs over, grabs one of the sheep and starts going to town. Half way through he hears the tribesmen laughing, “What are you guys laughing at?” ,”You picked the ugliest one”.
After a guy’s plane crashes and he awakens on a deserted island, he sees Margot Robbie has also survived the crash.
She awakens, and they immediately begin looking for survivors. There are none.
Now, they set about making shelter. Looking for fresh water, looking for food. They even make weapons in case they are needed.
After a week of this, Margot says to the man, “You know, you’ve provided everything. Well, almost everything. You know, a woman has needs.”
The man cannot believe his ears. And immediately jumps at the chance, and she responds. For the next few weeks they screw like rabbits. Doing everything.
Another week goes by and the man says to Margot, “you know, you’ve provided everything for me. Well, not everything. A man has his needs.”
Margot is bewildered. She’s done everything for him that a man could desire. So she asks, “What do you mean? What is it you want?”
The guy says, “I want you to go over to that fire, get a charred stick, and with the ashes I want you to make a mustache and a goatee, and then go wander around on the other side of the island a bit.”
She says, “What???!!??”
He says, “Please do it, a man has his needs.”
Confused but compliant, she does what he says, and as she is walking away he says, “And if I should run into you, introduce yourself as Joe.”
She says, “WHAT!!????!!??”
He says, “Please, a man has his needs.”
She leaves.
A few days later she is walking through the woods and bumps into the man. He looks at her, and prompts her.
She says, “hi, um… my name is Joe.”
The man says, “Hey Joe, guess what? I’ve been f*cking Margot Robbie for the last few weeks.”
Earlier I was go to say that the iOTW jokes were better than the Wendy Bell show. Now I’m not so sure.
What do you call a little green Irish guy that has lost both legs to leprosy?
A Leperchaun.
A lot of people thought that former representative Dennis Kucinich was an Irish Leprechaun. To dispel those rumors, Kucinich dropped the O’ from his last name. He was born Dennis O’Kucinich.
Why major in philosophy?
Why major in philosophy?
– can be smug after only 2-3 classes
– only major where you finish knowing less than when you started
– generally better beards than psychology
– can’t find a job, but then again what even is a job?
From Philosopher jokes
What did the leper say when he was challenged to a fight?
“You want a piece of me?”
From Leper jokes
Joe Biden got 81 million votes!
Why did the prostitute leave the leper colony?
Because her business was falling off.