I’ve long maintained that these newspaper marriage announcements, where the couple’s two last names makes an absurd juxtaposition, are largely fakes.
Why do I suspect this? Because we once sent in a picture of someone, whose screen name rhymes with Sister Stinko, to a newspaper that ran a regular spot called “Our Weatherboy,” and submitted fake bio information. It ran.
So I look upon these with a cynical eye. I’m not saying they are all fake, but they’re not all real, either.
Here’s a list from The Daily Mail, sent to us by All Too Much-
Golden – Showers
Best – Lay
Filler- Quick
Butt – Peeper
Shaver – Nicely
Fillerup – Standing
Busch – Graber
Burns – Butts
Beaver – Wetter
This one is definitely fake-
Schaver – Bush
Whyde – Hole
Flem – Greene
Wang – Holder
Long – Wiwi …c’mon
What are you talking about? It wouldn’t be in the paper if it wasn’t true.
That’s a target rich environment since you need to announce your wedding.
Beeched – Wale
If it’s in a newspaper or TV, it’s always true.
I heard that from CNN.
The man on TV said it’s a Federal law.
Harry Dick
The WORST one is DICK’S grocery store.
They had a discount club card, and it was called the INSIDER. -“insiders” are ones who get the inside scoop on latest coupons and price reductions.
So the billboard and newspaper flier was titled: DICK’S INSIDER.
It’s real. I’ve been to the store on my way back from vacation.
EATON – POON
PULA – WEINER
WONG – TANG
GAYE – ANNIS
Dickins’ Cider is a gag from the 50s. Woke already.
Swallows Cox. I have actually seen that one. Can’t say whether it was fake or not.
I know I’m fargging weird, but why would I post pictures
in the paper for a wedding announcement?
Help me here…..
It’s like the stoopid people who put the window stickers
on the rear windows of their cars with the number of adults, kids and
animals in their house? WTF?
Pounder – Nitely
Only half-way OT:
Years ago, when I worked in video production, there was a video tape salesman who came in, full of cheer. He presented a business card at which I almost died stifling my laugh.
I went into the inner office and told the boss there was a salesman to see him and handed him the card, still trying to keep from ‘guffawing’ loudly.
The boss asked, “Is this for real?” At which I could only nod and shrug while holding my hand over my mouth. The name on the card?
DICK HEAD !!!
You just know the guys at the papers are having some fun. Some of the pics are put on’s too. Some buck toothed, morbidly obese young woman with a hideous hairdo grinning widely while standing next to some guy who looks like he just stepped of the cover of GQ mag. Cruel but funny.
I know Mr. Head. He goes by Richard, and is only Dick to his friends. Which explains why he has so few friends…
Weiner – Holder
Huma – Weiner
Youngest son’s softball team: Dixon Ciders
Not kidding.
Craven-Morehead.
Maybe Stuckenschneider is real… on a whim, I searched for eric vanessa stuckenschneider and they appear to be very real.
In New England the name “Peabody” is pronounced PEA-biddy. Many years ago when Phoebe B. Peabody married William Beebe she became Phoebe B. Peabody Beebe.
It’s not a double entendre but it does roll off the tongue amusingly.
Peter Orifice…..
Schlappen Wang
O/T: What’s in a name.
I worked with a men whose name is Peter Silk, and one time when my mom was on jury duty and they called out his name. they usually call last names first. So over the intercom comes, Silk Peter, report to jury room 3, She came home that day and told me, we had a huge laugh. It was years later that I started working at the company that he is part owner of.