Even with Irma knocking at our door, we here in Miami are NOT FREAKING OUT AT ALL! – IOTW Report

Even with Irma knocking at our door, we here in Miami are NOT FREAKING OUT AT ALL!

Friday, 8 September 2017, 20:00 MJA Uncategorized 39

Miami Herald:

BY DAVE BARRY

Here’s how I know a hurricane is coming: We have lentils.

We NEVER eat lentils. I am not 100 percent sure what a lentil is. I do know for a fact that not once has anybody in our household ever said, “You know what would be great for dinner tonight? Lentils!”

But at the moment we have roughly a 45-year supply of lentils on hand. This is because we are in Hurricane Preparedness Freakout Mode, and one of the things we Floridians do in this mode is go to Publix and get in long lines to buy mass quantities of things we will never eat. Publix could put out a big display of cans labeled “Toad Intestines Packed In Snail Vomit” and we Floridians would snap them all up in minutes. That’s how prepared we are.

My family did manage to secure a large supply of jerky, which we actually like.

We chew it thoughtfully while we watch the Weather Channel people tell us, over and over and over, how screwed we are. All our jerky will be gone before Irma gets here.  MORE

h/t  Steaming Pyle

39 Comments on Even with Irma knocking at our door, we here in Miami are NOT FREAKING OUT AT ALL!

  10. Actually, lentils aren’t that bad, they have a flavor all of their own. I’d eat lentils any day over black eyed peas. Lentils are high in protein, high in fiber, and if you’re constipated, eat a bowl of them and see how things work out for you. 🙂 Add some curry to them too, East Indians love them!

  12. Lentil soup is amazing!

    Went to the grocery store today. Atlanta is supposed to get a direct hit as a Tropical Storm early next week.
    Bought lots of stuff we don’t normally eat but is pantry stored with a gas stove (and lighter to turn on the burners).

    Moving all the deck furniture and grill to the basement over the weekend.

    Last time we got hit hard was Opal.

    http://weather.wikia.com/wiki/Hurricane_Opal

    This is so much worse. 🙁

  18. I used to read Dave Barry here in some New York paper (?) He’s a funny guy. There are no more humorous writers in NYC now, they are all deadly serious and full of shit. ()Michael Goodwin NY Post excluded. I really miss Dave Barry. I’m glad he’s alive and well in Florida.

  19. Plain Jane September 8, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    Real preparedness essentials, canned tomatoes, dehydrated onions, garlic, Italian spices, salt and hot pepper and you can make ANYTHING taste good.
    ———————

    Exactly! Soup, everything in it and add those ingredients above and you can eat healthy. Add beef or chicken bouillon.

  21. Pretty sure that a bag of lentils like a box of Twinkies do not have an expiration date! You will be good for many hurricanes to come! God bless you and your neighbors in Florida. Prayers for all of you stuck and hunkered down.

  22. You guys don’t know what you’re missing. We raise ‘um, along with dry peas, wheat, canola, and barley. Hard to beat a crockpot of lentils on a snowy sunday afternoon watching football. Put in an onion, a real fatty ham hock, misc herbs & spices…….ummm ummmm.

  26. Dave Barry is the best. Light years better than the Leftist uppity self-righteous asshole Carl Hiassen. Hiassen cheats in fishing tournaments too, the fucker.

    My favorite Florida writer is Tim Dorsey. Funny as hell, even if he is a Lefty.

    All my Florida family and friends are staying, except for a few friends who’d moved to Fla after Wilma in Aught 5. Them? They’re about to descend on me here in Louisiana. Can you say HURRICANE PARTY? (dammit, where’s the Goslings Black Seal?)

  27. Goldenfoxx, happy to see another soup aficionado. Groing up we were dirt poor but my sister and I didn’t know it. Mom always made soups – Everything from oxtail to vegetable soup to things unidentifiable but tasty. The only thing I never learned to like is tripe nor brains.

    Lentil soup was a staple in my house until I developed diabetis II and had to cut my carbs to under 20 per day about 20 years ago. I make a mean ground beef-okra vegetable soup and an awesome chicken soup.

  30. Lentils are great. I always have a small bag in the cupboard.

    Boil them until just about done, drain the water out, put fresh water back in with some chicken or vegetable soup stock, onion, tablespoon of vinegar, olive oil, tablespoon of tomato paste, oregano, garlic, basil, salt and pepper [Sometimes I throw in some finely sliced carrots and mushrooms]. Bring allathat to a boil. Fini. Back in the old country, grandma would have us sit at the table and sift through the dry lentils weeding out the damaged ones and a grain of something here and there. Nowadays, you don’t have to. lol.

  34. The farms up here in CT do dye pink colored alpaca wool. Why, I have no idea. I guess it’s good for girl babies & such. Light blue too. My sis studied textiles in Nepal in the 70s so you can imagine how hippified she is. But she’s my sister and I love her.

  38. We generally keep about two months of canned food and rice/beans around. We also have one of those korean butane burners along with our grill. We have a lpg stove, and an lpg 6kw generator and about 200lbs of lpg in bottles. Phuck of it is, gas stoves HAVE to be powered to use the oven. That sux, so I have a cast iron dutch oven. We also cycle through about 12 cases of bottled water.
    Out here, we don’t phuck around. It’s not IF, it’s WHEN. We just cooked up another depression east of us and it’s passing over today. Any farther east and it would have been a typhoon. So, during the season, we get these storms weekly.

    I do feel for you people who live in stick houses. I hope all turns out for the best.

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