“Hello, DNC Help Hotline.” – IOTW Report

“Hello, DNC Help Hotline.”


       Hello, DNC hotline.

Hello. I’m black and I need help.

     You’ve come to the right place. Do you need a ride to the polls?

Well, no. I heard that you’re helping black people get jobs?

Where did you hear that?

I dunno. It’s the word on the street.

         We can help get you a ride to the polls.

Do the polls have food? I need food.

         We’ll have buttered rolls.


  Hello, you’ve reached the DNC hotline.

Oh, hi, yes. I’m a transgender and I need protection.

       Certainly we can help you. We are happy to serve you. We are going to do all sorts of things for you. Andwe’regoingtocontrolallmeansofyourproduction.

What was that? What did you say?

       Nothing. We are going to help you. Just vote for us.

I’m not that political. I’ve never voted.

        What was that? What did you say?

Nothing. Wooooo, go Elizabeth Warren. Wooooo.

That’s fantastic.



I jus jumpee da border.

       Do you have kids?


 How about family? Does your family want to come here?

No famlee.

       Name a famous American president.

Reegun. Rohneld Reegun.  Hola?  Holaaaaa?



I’m not making as much as the male worker across the hall. He’s making $175,000 a year and I’m only making $168,000 a year.

 We can definitely help you with that! Vote for us.

That’s great. And then can you hook me up with the accountants that know the tax laws, the ones that know how I can keep as much of the that hard earned pay you’ll be getting me?

   What’s that?

You know, I want to keep as much of my money as possible.

Uhhh, I don’t think you quite understand. WE want as much of your money as possible.

Then why should I care about trying to make more money?

Don’t you care about transgenders, Mexicans.. and… and.. BLACKS? Don’t you care about blacks?

I care about making as much as the guys do, and then keeping it. By the way, I’m black.

Capitalist, homophobic, racist jerk. (Click)


This is why I loathe the left. Their end game, no matter what social issue they latch onto for leverage, is complete control of your financial worth, productivity and, as a worker drone, taxability. That’s it.

You feel cops are too militarized? Vote for socialism.

Your kid is being bullied? Vote for socialism.

Your mosque isn’t so popular in your community? Vote for socialism.

If you don’t vote for socialism you’re for murderous cops, kids hanging themselves, and you’re an Islamophobe.

So tied to “their side” are the answers to nearly every “victim” concern, it’s at this point they feel comfortable enough to level any charge, any epithet, at anyone that disagrees with their economic worldview.

A black capitalist that votes for the right is, oddly, a racist. Meanwhile, what have the blacks gotten in return for their loyalty to the left? Their lives haven’t improved an iota, unless you count the fun of being able to fling the charge of racism around with impunity. (They even get to fling around the terms Islamophobe and homophobe, as if they’ve been champions of these social issues, other than black concerns, for decades and decades.) Their loyal voting bloc has been exploited in exchange for the privilege of being self-righteous cranks on Twitter. Seems equitable, I guess.

You want what your neighbor has? Vote for socialism.

You want your neighbor to have less of what he has? Vote for socialism.

I have no idea how the left has managed to convince victims that they have all the solutions when they offer the two services above, simultaneously. You’re always the neighbor.

Wait, I do know how. The victims are stupid.












11 Comments on “Hello, DNC Help Hotline.”

  1. No amount of logic can defeat the left. They train the stupidest person in your life that you rely on to harangue the shit out fo you until you can’t bother caring anymore.

  2. Do liberals have solutions for anything? Elizabeth Warren whined about repealing the tax cuts, but offered zero alternatives. Cops are racist, except when municipalities pull them out of certain neighborhoods in which case the cops are then…o.k., still racist but at least present. The sexually confused are a tiny percentage of Americans, and we spend an inordinate amount of time arguing about them. Poverty programs only succeeded in creating a permanent poverty class which is growing, but liberals have no plans to change this at all.

    Liberals want immigration because they think immigrants will be a reliable voting block. And I think that cute little honey badger cub will stay adorable into adulthood. Liberals encourage immigrants to bring their own cultures into this country, and eventually those immigrants will turn on their liberal cheerleaders because their cultures clash with liberal ideals. Achmed will give homosexuals the same length of rope upon which to dangle, and this is the idea of sexual equality in many cultures.

    The DNC has been taken over by people who hate the idea of America and want to see it transformed because they will then have all of the power. (Hello, Barack Obama). But the problem of catering to people who don’t care that much for this country or have their own narrow agendas is that eventually they will turn on you.

  3. Hello DNC, I keep getting packages sent to me but I think they have the wrong guy. Lots of references to you guys, thought you might be interested in picking these up.

  4. “We want to relieve want; not to supply indolence.”

    (Solon, Athens, 580 BC)

    This shit has been going on a long, long time. The “Demagogues” (Demonrats) have been stirring the shit and enslaving their gullible sycophants for 25 centuries or more. Once they gain control, bloodshed is the only answer (if History is any guide). The slaves must rebel and overthrow – usually with extreme prejudice.

    izlamo delenda est …

  5. “…where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

    The sad thing is we’ve Witnessed the last 40 years of “their character”. To put it bluntly…it sucks. Okay now let’s talk about shit-holes.

  6. @Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk January 15, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    But the problem of catering to people who don’t care that much for this country or have their own narrow agendas is that eventually they will turn on you.

    “Eventually” is, still, sooner than the “Next Tuesday” of “conservatives,” “patriots,” and “Constitution sniffers.” When the choices are “Whatever The Party wants, now!”, “Whatever The Party wants… now.”, or “What’s behind door number three”… well, “I, for one, welcome the New Boss. Not the same as the Old Boss.”

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