‘Jurassic World’ Movie Review

Scooter Van Neuter

By movie critic Scooter Van Neuter

Sunday I went to a screening of Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic World at my local IMAX. Having been a big fan of the first two or three installments of this franchise, I had very high hopes for this film.

The movie got off on the wrong foot when my girlfriend Sissy and I were forced to stand in line despite the fact I had called ahead informing them that I was a major critic requiring VIP accommodations.

In addition, I found the lobby restroom sadly lacking in both cleanliness and amenities. Judging by the of lake of urine I was standing in, the last guy who used the urinal had Parkinson’s and a bladder the size of Kim Kardashian’s ass. The fact the paper towel dispenser was inoperable and the hand dryer button was covered with what appeared to be boogers elevated the whole bathroom experience to that of a concentration camp.  more

9 Comments on ‘Jurassic World’ Movie Review

  1. Wow dude you missed your shit big. Jurassic Park is the number one movie. And we have a Bush and a Clinton running for the White House. What year is this? Ya missed the space time continuum Scooter. Your fired. LOL.

  2. Jurassic Park 4.
    Star Wars 7.
    Bat Man 6.
    Ghost Busters 3 or 4.
    All new releases this year.
    And people say Hollywood has lost its creativity.

  3. Actually, he is giving us a microcosm of present Amerika and it’s problems. I just wish we could have been warned about this back twenty years ago.

  4. Don’t forget Vacation. Yes. They are remaking the Griswolds trek to Wally World.

    As quoted from the movie, Mr Holland’s Opus…”If you stop teaching and having kids appreciate the arts, eventually we will have nothing to read or write about!”

    True story.

  5. “The line for the concession stand was a nightmare – populated by a collection of Wal-Mart shoppers, deviates, and the entire cast of The Biggest Loser. The employees behind the counter answered the question of what happens to the kids who don’t qualify for the Special Olympics.” HEELARIOUS!! 😀

  6. Damn funny, Scooter! Keep ’em coming! I kept expecting the actual movie review, but your movie experience review just nails it.

  7. Doncha just hate it when thars Vagisil on yer 3D glasses …

    @Bman – I think you might be on to something –
    The Griswolds go to Jurasic Park.
    Now that might be worth seeing!
    “That’s one big pile of shit” takes on a new meaning…

  8. This is a new low. I come here for the news and not this movie review crap. If I cared what that retard SvN thinks, I’d read his column over at NR.

  9. If you’re the kind of asshole who chomps on popcorn then I’m glad you were unhappy. Well deserved. Fuck popcorn.


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