New Year’s Predictions

Put your predictions for 2017 in the comments and we’ll check back next year and see how you did.

This will be the longest contest in iOTWreport history.

 

 

176 Comments on New Year’s Predictions

  1. HRC sees actual legal trouble from a yet to be known source. Health issues keep her from ever seeing a day in jail.

  2. Over 1000 demoncrats out of work thanks to wise voters on Nov.8! Best Christmas ever!
    2017 will be a better year for REAL working people, but…the pissing and moaning from the snitpuss prigs will kick into overdrive.

  3. Worldwide financial house of cards starts crumbling. We are fortunate to have President Trump in place, we will need a grownup in place with plenty of good men and women supporting him. The strong thrive, the weak get desperate.

  4. Hillary falls down a flight of steps after over indulging and breaks her neck. The mainstream media claims she was shoved by Russian agent.

  5. GDP hits 4%. Clinton Foundation goes bankrupt. Trump champagne sells for $30/bottle. Congress mandates that Facebook and Twitter become open source public utilities.

  6. GNP growth averages 6%. The RINO’s fight Trump tooth and nail on the wall. Trump uses Twitter as a useful tool to embarrass and shine a light on said RINO’s.

  7. I’ll be 64, my 2nd granddaughter will be born in April and whatever else happens, happens. I don’t have a clue what’s going to happen except that it will be better after barry is gone in about 20 days and President Trump takes over. Let’s hope the left doesn’t come unglued worse than they already are

  8. Bill Clinton discovers a cure for herpes.
    Hillary Clinton uses some and melts away, apparently it works on harpies too.

  9. CNN will be under new management.
    The View will be off the air.
    Brian Williams will retire with a whimper.
    Lawrence O’Donnell will get a talk-radio show. He has the face for radio.
    If I’m right on any of the above. I’m a winner.

  10. Crabgrass and dandelions will return in the spring which will send obama into a rage because none of his policies will remain after the first weed treatment, whereas crabgrass and dandelions will always be with us.

  11. Mystery of the Crop Circles is solved. They are indeed Alien communication attempts.
    They say basically two things:
    “Turn that crap down.” And: “Don’t make us come over there.”

  12. President Trump stop all Federal Money to California until the end Sanctuary Cities and restore all Constitutional Rights to California citizens. California submits quickly.

  13. Having outlived his usefulness to the Caliphate, Barry gets pinned under his golf cart in a water hazard in a ‘freak accident’

  14. Huma Abedein dies in a freak ‘smothering’ accident.
    Two boxes of Hilary’s Granny Panties are seized by Authorities

  15. Harry Reid will be eaten by hogs for not paying the gangsters who he used to launder Democrat party money.

  16. @Bad_Brad, I thought you said ‘I’d never surrender my guns or switch panties.’

    The UN is moved to Moscow.

    The righteous citizens of Germany, France, the Netherlands, England and Sweden finally rise up and squash the loons running their countries, terminate immigration and deport the Moslem savages back to their hell holes.

    Justin Tru d’uh visits Churchill and gets fed to the polar bears.

  17. John Kerry falls into an enclosure containing Blue Faced Mandrill baboons.
    Landing on some rocks, Mr. Kerry injured his posterior as he landed, causing him to bleed from his buttocks.
    This was highly unfortunate, as the mostly Male population mistook his bloody buttocks for the red buttock signal a female Baboon displays when she is ready to mate.
    Mr. Kerry was eventually rescued.

  18. @Burner (9:05 PM): Hopefully the world will not end for you in 2017, because that means you would be dead, even though the world will go on.

    But you’re right about never knowing.

  19. The newest Dos Equis most interesting man in the world will get even creepier. Like a failed former president creepier. Like a failed Muslim Kenyan Hawaiian former failed enemy of the state creepier. Like a closeted homosexual Muslim America hating Marxist crappy golfer creepier. Like a if you like your doctor I’ll kill your doctor creepier.

    OK. It’s New Years. My thumbs have been drinking.

  20. Loretta Lynch was touring the Yankee Candle company when she fell into a rendering machine.
    They named the batch ‘Justice’ after her.
    It was not a winner.

  21. Lefties and Rino’s learn how to suck it up.

    The press gets twittered into good behavior.

    Billy still can’t keep control of his willy.

    Hillary manages to buy her way out of prison.

    Putin enjoys a White House with the grown ups.

    ISIS gets the ass handed to them several times until they go and stay in hiding.

    Several terror attacks convince the American public that the goat fuukers need to go back.

  22. Michelle Obama is on a plane that goes down deep in the Rockies. There were twenty people on board.
    Michelle is the only survivor.
    She actually gained twenty pounds during the ordeal.
    All the other bodies were eventually recovered.
    They were curiously reduced to Skeletons by unknown causes.
    Unusual gnaw marks were found on all the bones

  23. George Lucas is poetically killed in a freak accident while visiting the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory when a ton of Teddy Bears fall on him

    … his last words are, “Ewoks … had to be fuckin’ Ewoks … Hans shot first!”

  24. my Magic 8 Ball says there is “a very strong possibility” that Chuckie Schumer & Nancy Pelosi are caught in a Capital Hill broom closet with a shaved German Shepard & a ‘strap-on’

  25. Ted Cruz accepts the appointment to the Supreme Court
    But his lost bid for the Presidency turns him into a bitter curmudgeon who is avoided like pernicious anemia at all the cocktail parties.
    But History gives him the nickname: ‘The Lion’, for his fierce defense of the Constitution.

  26. sanity is restored when the Supreme Court declare that if you are sporting a penis you are a male & if you are not, you are a female

    … yeah, like that’s gonna happen

  27. Anthony Wiener has the living shit kicked out of him by the Father of some girl in Idaho who showed her Dad the picture the guy from New York sent her

  28. Lois Lerner wanders off the resort grounds in the Amazon Rain Forest
    B’Tinga Nk’Logi has a new favorite shrunken head

  29. The Democrats will continue to be frustrated on every turn by President Trump. Self-destruction ensues.

  30. February: The Atlanta Falcons win Superbowl LI in Houston, Texas.

    A sniper is killing innocent people in the Denver area in late February, paralyzing the city.

    They find out what happened to Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 in March.

    Keith Richards dies in April.

    Morgan Freeman and Bill Cosby die within a week of each other in May.

    OJ is released in June.

    A new sex tape of Bill Clinton appears in August.

    Large volcanic eruption in the ring of fire in September. Massive casualties.

    October brings massive terrorists attacks throughout Europe.

    November brings several terrorist attacks in the USA.
    One stadium, a gas station, and a mall are struck.

    December sees record snowfall throughout the North East.
    Mick Jagger, Lady Gaga pass away.

    Happy New Year!

  31. Pajama boy is stopped for a broken taillight
    Arrested for not wearing pants, he resists.
    By freak circumstance he actually knocks down the arresting officer who breaks his arm.
    Sentenced to two years for battery on an officer, Pajama Boy is passed from gang to gang where he eventually sold to the Muslims for ten cartons of Newports

  32. John Kasich enters Western Reserve Psychiatric, comes out and becomes a bum under the Detroit-Superior Bridge.

    Hillary Clinton gets struck by a lightning bolt that looks surprisingly like the hand of God. FDR in Hell gets a new coughing roomie.

    BFCookie swings at a golf ball just a car full of SJW’s drives by hooting and hollering obscenities about President Trump. BFCookie misses the ball, takes a chunk out of the ground and uncovers a 40 pound gold nugget sitting on top of a 50 carat emerald.
    Later the same day Obozo plays the same course and is eaten by an alligator. The Secret Service had the best laugh in years listening to the girlie screeches.

    Ohio State loses the 2016 Fiesta Bowl. DAMN!

  33. Hillary & Huma open the HumaHill Bakery (specializing in cookies) in Chappaqua & are immediately sued because they refuse to bake a cake for a straight wedding

  34. Raphael “Ted” Cruz is a Canadian, born in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in 1970.
    He should spend time in prison for fraudulently fundraising and running for an office he is not eligible for. He can be on the High Court after he is released from prison.
    He is a natural born Cuban.

  35. FDR in Hell complains about all the noise coming from the NeverMale Ranch on the celebration on the arrival of Prince, Castro, David Bowie & George Michael

  36. More celebrities will die. Many many more. Terresa Heinz Kerry kills John in a catsup factory accident. Anthony wiener get banned from the internet. Hume and Hillary announce their engagement. Nancy peolci takes up pole dancing at the mustang ranch. Harry reed finally puts the other eye out. O.J. Is found dead in his cell with all his memorabilia neatly inserted into his rectum. Kim and Kenya switch genders. Bill Cosby pleads guilty and announces to the world he is jello. Elon musk goes to mars and finds Elvis. A sinkhole erupts on gower and sunset and Hollywood is sucked into an abyss. Windows rebrands its OS and calls it Pane OS. Sky net becomes self aware and vaporizes the Cloud. Glocks are issued to all newborns in America with lifetime supply of ammo. Justin Bieber reveals he is also Miley Cyrus. Crhis brown assaults himself and blames Rihanna. Snoop Dogg announces his run for president in 2020. ISIS stops warring and starts a dance troupe. There’s so much happening in 2017 that it’s going to be Huge.

  37. multiple college football & basketball teams will be found to have multiple gang-rapes of young women …. but it’s ok … they were asking for it

    meanwhile, multiple college men’s track & soccer teams are prosecuted on the basis of thinking that some women are more attractive than others

  38. 1. Following the example of Brexit, Deplorables and Italy, the German people will rise up and oust Merkle, choosing a conservative to replace her. Farage will be the “Sovereignty Consultant” who helps them craft a Gexit.

    2. Trump will indeed use Twitter, FB and other social media to out RINOs, especially Graham and McCain. Paul Ryan will be caught with his pants down — giving lip service to Trump, but working against him within the Congress — believing he has a shot at 2020, after he believes Trump will be impeached.

    3. Obama and Jarrett will be found to be involved in a major scandal involving the Muslim Brotherhood, making the Clinton’s pay-to-play look like a minor issue. The details will be dug out of data they thought had been scrubbed from official WH records and storage devices (phones, laptops) that were thought destroyed.

    4. We will all be sick to learn that the annual “shovel ready” projects money was a money laundering scheme that ended up in offshore, numbered accounts. Cayman Islands, Switzerland, Dubai, The Bahamas will not forfeit the names of the account holders.

    5. The newest foodie trend will involve dirt from different parts of the world. And insects. Kale, pumpkin spice and quinoa will be passe. Also look for “nutritional yeast”.

    6. Trump will initiate inner city police task forces starting in Chicago to stop the shootings/murders by feuding gang members. All illegals involved will be immediately deported.

  39. @Poor Lazlo December 31, 2016 at 9:06 pm

    > Mystery of the Crop Circles is solved.

    I always thought they said “Here’s what we think of your lawn, old man!”

  40. Bill Mumy is appointed to dept of agricultural and sends the DNC and all Rinos to the cornfield. Turns wiener into a jack in the box.

  41. while fumigating & cleaning out the White House, the Trump team discovers a massive amount of open anal lube, used dildos & vibrators

    … most endorsed, “To Barry, with love”

  42. After Mr. Trump’s inauguration, there won’t be any public appearances by the Clintons. The leftist media will report they’re on “vacation” in Europe.

  43. @Poor Lazlo December 31, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    > Michelle Obama is on a plane that goes down deep in the Rockies.

    So, we can look forward to settled science that Sasquatch is fake is fake news?

  44. Moochell will appear on more magazine covers than the actual beautiful and current FLOTUS, Melania.

    Obama daughter will wreck a car while high on marijuana but the story will only be reported in UK news outlets.

    Terrorist attack on a Trump hotel. Trump unleashes hell because of it and exposes the foreign affairs mess left by Obama and Hillary. Joins with Putin and U.K. And France to turn the Mideast to glass.

    BFH plays golf and takes baths.

    Happy New Year everyone!

  45. Marco Rubio is outed by angry Latinos as having the lowest measurable Scoville (hot pepper) Tolerance of any Latino on Earth

  46. In an ironic turn of events, Al Gore’s private jet will crash into a glacier he had previously said had disappeared. Although he survives the crash, he is eaten by polar bears.

  47. Despondent Hillary supporters will host Jonestown-style suicide parties in Hollywood. George Clooney unfortunately declines to attend.

  48. Bill DeBlasio will declare himself Commissar of the People’s Republic of New York & build a wall around it

    … the rest of the country sez, “Good!”

  49. A strange pandemic hits the country, with symptoms including uncontrolled vomiting and victims gouging out their own eyes. A new strain of influenza is ruled out when the CDC discovers all the victims had viewed the Chelsea Clinton sex video released by wiki leaks in March 2017.

  50. Glenn Beck becomes a tranny named Glenda, and joins CNN. He/she is on a mission to expose those dastardly “Trumpsters”.

  51. iotw report keeps on reporting.
    bfh art hangs in the Louvre.
    mja gets a haircut.
    cops all quit. Required conceal carry becomes the law.

  52. 2017 becomes the true ‘Year of Hope’ when Donald J. Trump initiates a new era of peace, economic growth & prosperity for the United States & the world

  53. 2017 will occur shortly after midnight.

    The best to all posters, I will delay celebrating until 12:01pm on the 20th of January.

  54. The main stream media will become honest, fair, non-partisan and no longer use DNC talking points to lie to the American Public.
    (Sadly, I’m Kidding)

  55. A Plaster casting of michelle’s penis will be on display at the Smithsonian Museum next to barry’s favorite butt plug and Sotomayor’s strap-on.

  56. Bill Clinton will die of aids – they will say it was cancer or something.

    George Soros will die from not being able to bear the pain of complete failure. Or possibly from a fatal beating. His last words will be, “You fucking bitch, Hillary!”

    Iran will STFU and back it down a bit, just like they did when Reagan took office.

    Moslem jihad will increase.

    More earthquakes, wars, and rumors of wars. Mark 13:7

    [20 minutes of 2016 left here. I’ll be back later to read and upvote]

  57. Killary Clinton’s Parkinson’s progresses to the point she becomes a recluse. She dies on the toilet and no one cares to look for her. Her mummified corpse is found decades later.

  58. GFY will tell us how she got injured my guess motorcycle accident. Probably popped a wheelie and dumped the bike. Been there done that.
    Brad is going to carry a Glock?
    I thought you had a custom.45 you carried?
    I still carry a M&P .357 mag.

  59. Major natural disasters. Major mistakes by government. Major disappointment by average Americans. Major wake up for Real Americans! If you think Trump will fix most of what is wrong in this country? I have some beach front property in Nebraska to sell you!!! Quit relying on politicians and start relying on GOD!!!!!

  60. Inigo Montoya DECEMBER 31, 2016 AT 10:11 PM

    Bill Cosby pleads guilty and announces to the world he is jello.

    ******************************8
    I fell off my chair and still wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so much by this one line.

    Thank You.

    Happy New Year!

  61. Tiger Woods wins another golf tournament but no more majors…Clemson beats Alabama…BHO pardons Beau Bergdahl and HRC but not Edward Snowden or Julian Assange (Trump does eventually).

  62. @ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ December 31, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    > ‘Animal Farm’ will still not register a blip in ‘progressive’ brains

    Because Good(TM) people are vegan

  63. Obama will become such a thorn in Trump’s side that Trump will have no choice but to have Obama arrested for uttering a FORGED BIRTH CERTIFICATE on the White House.gov website.

  64. Trump will build the wall and Sanctuary Cities will have to forfeit their Federal Funding for several years to pay for it.

  65. Keith Richard will die of something, because he simply has to.

    His friend will wonder, “What’s Keith into these days, he’s looking the best he has in 20 years.”

  66. CAIR, the Muslim Brotherhood, and all of it’s affiliates on college campuses throughout the USA will finally be recognized as what they are TERRORIST GROUPS. They will be disbanded and outlawed.

  67. Several Mosques inside the USA will be raided by the FBI and they will find huge stockpiles of weapons inside of them.

  68. Anthony Weiner will be inducted into the witness protection program and will spill the beans on Huma and Hillary. Anthony will also find God and become an anonymous and completely rehabilitated spokesperson for Sex Addicts Anonymous, after which will never vote for another Democrat for as long as he shall live.

    Huma and Hillary will be sent to the same penitentiary but will be allowed conjugal visits with each other.

  69. Obama’s birth certificate will be found and will confirm that he was born
    August 4, 1961 in Honolulu …. at 6:66 AM

  70. Meggie K will leave Fox and a traditional news format for a nonpolitical talk show where she will drop hints that what she really wants to do is star in the movies. Bill O’Reilly will retire when his contract expires. Glenn Beck will no longer be able to avoid bankruptcy for his network. He will retire to his Texas compound to contemplate his reinvention. Ted Cruz will not be appointed to the Supreme Court. The urban legend that is Barack Obama will be exposed. His birthplace, his college and early political career will be made public. Extensive legal and ethical debate will take place on a national stage as to whether the entirety of his tenure in office can be overturned because of his ineligibility to legally hold the office of POTUS. Moochelle will go Hollywood with a day time talk show. Clintons: HRC will be indicted but will not live to serve any sentence. WJC will die of AIDS which will be publically described as a long-standing heart condition. Chelsea will announce an official separation from her husband who will never seek divorce because he does not wish to work for a living. The industry that is Hollywood will suffer their worst financial years on record. President Donald Trump will become one of the country’s most revered leaders not only for his unprecedented economic and social rebirths, but because of the uniqueness of his personality. He will serve two terms, being unanimously presented as the GOP candidate for POTUS in 2020. And as for 2017 itself….it’s going to be a great one folks!

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