(Eugenia is having a bad day with the freezing cold, having busted a nipple in her plumbing.)
NewMaineNews- (Maine’s Version of The Onion)
Emergency rooms around the state are normally filled with patients suffering from the flu or from injuries related to snow mobiling, but this year’s cold snap is bringing patients in with an age-old problem.
“When it’s this cold, we try to warn people they’ll chip a nip out there if they aren’t careful,” Maine Medical Center emergency room physician Dr. Sanjay Acharya told us.
“Even bundling up to extreme lengths can’t always protect against chipping,” Dr. Acharaya said.
The medical term for chipped nips is hyperextreme nipple glaciation, and it only occurs when air temperatures drop below 10 degrees Fahrenheit.
“From a scientific stand-point, there just isn’t enough research into the causes of nipple chippage beyond the fact that it’s colder than a whore’s heart in church,” Acharaya said.
If you or someone you know is suffering from the early signs of chipped nips, Acharaya says get inside, near a wood stove preferably, or failing that, into the cab of a running truck.
HT/ WiscoDave
What’s your favorite saying for how cold it is outside? (Or just make one up now.)
– This site is hilarious, by the way. One of my favorite stories-
In early December, New Maine News reported that climate scientists had determined the cause of the state’s unseasonably warm temperatures and lack of snow: a new snowmobile purchased by a man from Rangeley.
Man. I am that guy from Rangeley.
LOL!
I do remember as a kid being afraid to touch my ears when it was very cold and snowy out for fear they would break off. They hurt like a son of a bitch.
I recommend Bag Balm … jus’ sayin’ 😉
http://www.bagbalm.com/our-heritage
… utterly amazing!
It usually happens when it’s as cold as a witch’s tit in a brass brassiere!
Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/cold-enough-to-freeze-the-balls-off-a-brass-monkey.html
I hate the frigid cold, but think how many halter tops we’ll witness outside in February.
The funniest person I know from high school once said, “It’s been so fucking cold here lately I’ve had NITS non-stop.”
NITS. Nuts in The Stomach
Cletus, the Brass Monkey we keep on the front porch, wuz knockin on the door to be let in back in December! He’s been inside ever since. I had to make two trips to do it too.
One to bring in Cletus and one to back and get his balls!
http://www.b17.com/brass/
Colder than a well diggers ass
Thanks Cookie. My nipples have been replaced with new ones and Little Joe wasn’t frozen.
I’m a simple, and base, person.
It’s effing cold.
Eugenia, for what I’m worth, I said a prayer for your situation.
Hope all works out.
Heard an older gal say it was cold enough to pop her turkeys!
Its cold like a democrats soul
Cold enough to freeze a dog to a fire hydrant.
Johnny Carson. It’s so cold I saw a robin putting his worm into a crockpot. Really really old.
its so cold Elizabeth Warren is now claiming she is part eskimo.
Having an inquisitive mind, these axioms not only amuse, but intrigue me. I worked with a machinist back in the 70s who as it turned out had actually used a micrometer to determine the exact size a the proverbial c-hair. Don’t remember the figure, but it was nice to finally know “how much I missed it by”.
Now,I have searched for years for the answer as to the exact temperature a witch’s tit. No one seems to know, not even the guys that claim to be married to one.
its colder than Hillary’s underwear
It’s So Cold That Frozen Iguanas Are Falling Off Trees In Florida
no seriously true story
https://www.simplemost.com/frozen-iguanas-falling-off-trees-florida/
And in other news; there’s a new cryptocurrency for gays, the butt coin.
Colder than a penguin’s pecker.
(Anyone who’s ever been pecked by a penguin can tell you that’s really cold.)
🙂
It’s so cold your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
It’s so cold politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold that spooning with Hillary looks good.
It’s a tit bit nipply out!
You know, I am 58 years old and I ain’t never met a Woman with her nipples froze off. Never, never
Please for the love of God show me and the introduce me to that woman so I may gaze upon her froze off, nippleless titties.
Hey a boob is a boob.
I’m a guy
I dont give a shit.
It’s so cold out, I just saw a dog stuck to a fire hydrant.
Snot freezing cold.
On a local sign shop marquee: It’s so cold, I chipped a tooth on my soup.
@MR MICHAEL: I can’t show you any current examples whereof you speak, but historians tell of an Indiana winter in the late 1870’s that was so cold that five hundred Native American women’s nipples froze off.
You may have heard of them.
To this day they are known as the Indian nippleless 500.
It’s so cold politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold Al Gore stated global warming is now settled science.
It’s so cold chickens are at KFC demanding to get in the deep fryer.
Btw – Jack London’s story, “To Build a Fire”, gives a great description of what serious cold is.
Penguins on Miami Beach cold!
What is this COLD of which you speak?
Colder than a witch diggers brass monkey.
Cold enough to freeze the hair off a frog.
Also I recall waiting for the school bus and having my hair freeze on my head from using water to comb it.