Speaking of Plumbing Nipples – IOTW Report

Speaking of Plumbing Nipples

(Eugenia is having a bad day with the freezing cold, having busted a nipple in her plumbing.)

NewMaineNews- (Maine’s Version of The Onion)

Emergency rooms around the state are normally filled with patients suffering from the flu or from injuries related to snow mobiling, but this year’s cold snap is bringing patients in with an age-old problem.

“When it’s this cold, we try to warn people they’ll chip a nip out there if they aren’t careful,” Maine Medical Center emergency room physician Dr. Sanjay Acharya told us.

“Even bundling up to extreme lengths can’t always protect against chipping,” Dr. Acharaya said.

The medical term for chipped nips is hyperextreme nipple glaciation, and it only occurs when air temperatures drop below 10 degrees Fahrenheit.

“From a scientific stand-point, there just isn’t enough research into the causes of nipple chippage beyond the fact that it’s colder than a whore’s heart in church,” Acharaya said.

If you or someone you know is suffering from the early signs of chipped nips, Acharaya says get inside, near a wood stove preferably, or failing that, into the cab of a running truck.

 

more

HT/ WiscoDave

What’s your favorite saying for how cold it is outside? (Or just make one up now.)

 

– This site is hilarious, by the way. One of my favorite stories-

In early December, New Maine News reported that climate scientists had determined the cause of the state’s unseasonably warm temperatures and lack of snow: a new snowmobile purchased by a man from Rangeley.

Man. I am that guy from Rangeley.

36 Comments on Speaking of Plumbing Nipples

  1. Cletus, the Brass Monkey we keep on the front porch, wuz knockin on the door to be let in back in December! He’s been inside ever since. I had to make two trips to do it too.
    One to bring in Cletus and one to back and get his balls!

  2. Having an inquisitive mind, these axioms not only amuse, but intrigue me. I worked with a machinist back in the 70s who as it turned out had actually used a micrometer to determine the exact size a the proverbial c-hair. Don’t remember the figure, but it was nice to finally know “how much I missed it by”.

    Now,I have searched for years for the answer as to the exact temperature a witch’s tit. No one seems to know, not even the guys that claim to be married to one.

  3. You know, I am 58 years old and I ain’t never met a Woman with her nipples froze off. Never, never

    Please for the love of God show me and the introduce me to that woman so I may gaze upon her froze off, nippleless titties.
    Hey a boob is a boob.
    I’m a guy
    I dont give a shit.

  4. @MR MICHAEL: I can’t show you any current examples whereof you speak, but historians tell of an Indiana winter in the late 1870’s that was so cold that five hundred Native American women’s nipples froze off.

    You may have heard of them.

    To this day they are known as the Indian nippleless 500.

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