This is the first post of 2016 eastern standard time – IOTW Report

This is the first post of 2016 eastern standard time

Friday, 1 January 2016, 0:11 BFH Uncategorized 43

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43 Comments on This is the first post of 2016 eastern standard time

  9. How about a New Years resolution that all anonymous posters create an individual identity so we know which anonymous you actually are?
    Was that anon #7256?
    No, that was the dickhead anon #3219 that just replied to a BFH post, “never heard of him”…

  15. Happy New Year to all! Happy last full year of obama to the entire Earth.
    Thank God for that blessing, for we have well and truly earned it at great expense.
    We had a nice evening – but hubby kinda passed out on the sofa at 11:30. Don’t worry – I had the bargain basement bubble poured and woke him up at 11:55. Had to keep shaking him, but he was mostly coherent by ball drop.
    2016
    War!

  22. I know a man.
    His name is Lang.
    He has a neon sign
    And Mr. Lang is very old,
    So they call it OLD LANG’S SIGN.

    Happy (hic) New Year’th, eweybody!

  23. OK Happy New Year Y’ all. Here’s the first joke of 2016.

    A true story:

    Sean Boyle was a young boy in Ireland who dreamed of being an actor. He studied for a couple of years in the Abbey Theater in Dublin and managed to get a few small parts. But he yearned for the big stage so he came to New York City. He got himself an agent, joined the Guild and got a job as a bartender to make ends meet.

    One day his agent called him with a part. “It’s only a one liner,Sean,” said the agent,” but it’s at Lincoln Center, a Shakespeare play, about war, Henry the Fourth, or Fifth, or something” said the agent. “Listen Sean,” , “you’re on the stage and the cannons go off,and all you have to is shout ‘Hark, I hear the cannons roar.’ And the King takes over from there. Got it Sean? Hark I hear the cannons roar. But you got to say it with some verve, with authority, know what I mean”?
    Sure said Sean, no problem. So he practiced all day.
    In the bedroom, in front of a mirror, in the shower Sean was shouting in different tones “Hark I hear the Cannons roar.”

    The agent picked him up and on the way to Lincoln Center Sean was practicing his lines. “Hark I hear the cannons roar.”
    Lovely, said the agent, you’ll do just fine..

    At the Center they dressed Sean in a uniform, with helmet and gave him a spear. He stood in front of all the soldiers on the stage.

    There was absolute silence. The packed theater was hushed.

    The curtains drew. There was a lightening flash and a boom from the back of the stage.

    Sean shouted: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

  24. Well Chicago tried to be like NY and dropped an onion, only they fucked that up and instead dragged a star to the top of a building while shooting off 20 foot high sparklers on the water with no one around because everyone is thought to be a terrorist. Happy 2016!

  28. On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.

    As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.

    ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.

    ‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Roger.

    ‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?’ inquired the constable sarcastically.

    ‘My wife,’ slurred Daniel grimly.

  29. On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.

    At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

    Well, it was kind of embarrassing.

    As the clock struck – the bartender was almost crushed to death.

  31. Reminds me of this old chestnut:

    Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean era play. The first little boy was to say, “My fair maiden….I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope”.

    The second little boy was to follow by saying “Hark! A pistol shot!”

    On opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience, the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.

    The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words:

    “My fair maiden….I have come to kiss your snatch!…and fill your hole with soap!”

    The second boy screamed out, “Hark! A shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, cow shit, bull shit – I never wanted to be in this damn play anyway!”

    The audience left howling.

    ?

  36. I would have settled for illegal fireworks. Instead I got illegals with firearms.

    Somebody had a 30 round mag in that wide-spread group.

    I damn well know they all shoot them upwards. I was lucky enough to not get any landing on my home. Last year a couple landed right out my office window on my neighbor’s brick pile – less than 10 feet from me.

    Oh. And happy new year to everyone else on the Gov.’s short list of elimination.

    Here’s to hoping Martian Law isn’t implemented.

    (Might as well spell it that way. Few seem to remember or care about the numerous explanations of the difference between Marshall and Martial anyway.)

  39. Some of us know the difference, but got tired and gave up trying to get people to use the correct term.

    Same with “their”, “they’re”, and “there”. And a host of other stupid grammatical errors.

    Happy Gnu Year.

    🙂

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