Why Isn’t it a Vayjayjay? – IOTW Report

Why Isn’t it a Vayjayjay?

Pinko’s show made a reference to Gavin’s “hairball” tweet that we posted, where he says that post-op transexuals suffer from hairballs in the created cavity because surgeons use scrote tissue. (It’s verified and true.)

Some keen observers objected to the article for calling the surgically created area a “vagina.”

Being the dope I am I started a discussion with someone and played devil’s advocate.

I started out by saying that when someone loses a leg, the prosthetic is not really a leg. It’s a fake leg. A glass eye is not an eye, it’s a glass eye. No one says “he was poked in the eye” when they have a glass eye. They say, “he was poked in his glass eye.”

A merkin is not pubic hair, it’s… oh, you get the idea.

But then I played the other side of the fence. What if you were born without an ear and doctor’s made an ear out of your other body parts, would you keep calling it your “fake ear” or just “your ear.”

I think it would be an ear.

But does that mean you can create a female-looking genital region out of other parts of your body and legitimately call it a vagina?

Based on the ear example, why not?

(Wow, is that a great set-up for a joke, or what?)

Basically, this thread is about why a surgically made “vagina” is not really a vagina, or, to get all Steven Crowder, “A surgically created vagina is not a real vagina. Change my mind.”

65 Comments on Why Isn’t it a Vayjayjay?

  1. If she’s not a woman, it’s not a vagina. Pretty simple to me.
    But I’m not all sophisticated about such things.
    Call me old school.

  2. And that is the undeniable fact and that is why we can begin breaking down the “Change My Mind” booth.
    There is no where to go after that.
    Oh, wait. The thread isn’t done yet.

    You have to be able to call it something….

  3. Just like the glovebox in a junked Yugo –
    Ya never know for sure what the hell you’re gonna find in there.

  4. From Webster’s:
    Definition of vagina
    plural vaginas also vaginae play \və-ˈjī-(ˌ)nē\
    1 : a canal in a female mammal that leads from the uterus to the external orifice of the genital canal
    2 : a canal that is similar in function or location to the vagina and occurs in various animals other than mammals

    It reads to me that Webster has been trannified…….

    Call it a johnson-hole…… I too am old skrewl, it is NOT a vagina.

    “Speaking the truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act.” Geo. Orwell

  5. “Is a surgically created vagina a real vagina?”


    Is a Diet Coke a real “Coke”? If it’s non-dairy, is it actually a “creamer”? Can you honestly say you are “buttering” your bread with oleomargarine, or is that a lie?

    Depends on who you ask.

    Anyway, here’s an interesting body part rebuild story to take your minds off of those burning questions:

    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny, so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

    The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

    After the surgery was completed,everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more attractive than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty.

    One day, when she was alone with her husband, she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

    She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”

    “My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

  6. I’m counting my blessings that I didn’t read that earlier post, TMI with McInnes.



    hot pocket is pretty funny

  7. I first heard the word “merkin” from a movie written by British oversexed perv Anthony Newley called “Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?” from ca. 1969-1970. I soon found out what it meant.

    Back then a lot of “go-go” girls and topless dancers in the clubs would wear them, so they were not technically dancing nude, which was illegal in a lot of places back in those days.

  8. This is a test. I want to find out if what happens when I make a comment and then come back to edit it and delete the entire text.

    follow-up: Ah-HAH! When I tried that I got a little dialog box asking me if I wanted to delete the comment. That may be how an earlier comment “disappeared”, BFH.

  9. Uncle Al

    Comeon Al, They cut off the twigs a berries and bore a fur lined tunnel where they use to be. That ain’t TUCKING.

  10. You could just call it “The Tunnel of Love”, and be done with it. Jeez, I think I need a shot of whiskey after that. Sorry everyone.

  11. uncle al…

    i cannot resist, you pushed the button by saying “nantucket”….

    there once was a frog in a bucket
    who was to be wed in nantucket
    but try as he tried,
    he could not jump the side,
    and that’s why he never got…..


    ….shame on you if you completed the rhyme!!!

  12. If you can get a rug burn on your penis from “her” five o’clock shadow.
    That ain’t right. That ain’t a vagina.

  13. @Tim Buktu: From Wikipedia:

    “The Oxford Companion to the Body dates the origin of the pubic wig to the 1450s. According to the publication, women would shave their pubic hair for personal hygiene and to combat pubic lice. They would then don a merkin. Also, prostitutes would wear a merkin to cover up signs of disease, such as syphilis.”


  14. @chuckie:

    There was an old nan of Nantucket
    Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
    His daughter, named Nan,
    Ran away with a man,
    And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

    (I bet you thought that was going to be the REALLY dirty version, didn’t you?)


  15. @joe6pak April 30, 2018 at 10:57 pm

    One lonely night during my youth I wrote down all the euphemisms I could think of for a woman’s hoo-haw (that’s one too).

    It’s a big list, I got almost 20, I think.

  16. You guys used up all the funny stuff, so I’m going to be serious.

    What you call the thing you are creating (ear, nose, vajayjay) depends on it’s FUNCTION. If it actually works like the real thing, then go for it. But replacing a nose is just making a blob that sits on your face. You may get snot out of it, but it was produced farther back and just traveled out the tunnel onto your upper lip.

    You may have a created ear on the side of your head, but it won’t do anything (as most people’s ears just sit there with nothing to do but collect jewelry, anyway).

    So, if a guy lets a doctor drill a hole down there, it won’t be able to function like a real vajayjay. It’s just a hole.

    VaGuyGuy or Va-kinda – very funny!

  17. I’m happy to say that this has been the funniest thread! But, during fellowship each week, we share stuff that we and our children where we or they have been honored. If my “va-kinda” wins, I am not sure I am happy with myself and probably will not share this with my preacher during our fellowship meeting this week. (Nor my wife). But if it does win, I want a full year’s subscription to IOTWReport.com. That would be the coolest! 🙂

  18. Knowing how velcro works, there’s a positive outcome for us if the hook & loop concept can be used to take all these gender ambivalents out of circulation. gnomesayin?

    think ‘lock ’em and offload ’em’

  19. @BFH April 30, 2018 at 11:24 pm

    >Okay, we have ear and Nantucket.

    There was a young man from Nantucket,
    Who stuffed his ear with a merkin….
    He said with a grin,
    As he wiped off his chin…,

    Uh, nevermind, this isn’t working out too well.


    There was a young man from Berlin,
    Who stuffed his ear with a merkin…

    Somebody help!

  20. There was a young man of Bengal
    Who was asked to a large costume ball.
    He behaved like a jerk, ‘n’
    Dressed up like a merkin
    And was had by the dog in in the hall.

  21. Ears and Nantucket? let me try…

    A man escaped Nantucket in fear.
    Where he asked for his manhood to be sheared.
    without money up front,
    they gave him a crunt
    now they want his ears for arrears.

  22. Brucie Jenner took an axe…
    Gave his johnson forty whacks…
    When he saw what he had done…
    He looked down to a hairy plum….

  23. @MJA: I think Fur may have been referring to this old classic (and very obscene) limerick:

    There was a young man from Nantucket,
    Whose d*** was so long he could suck it.
    Said he with a grin,
    As he wiped off his chin
    “If my ear were a c*** I could f*** it.”

    (I cleaned it up as best I could)


  24. @VietVet I think Fur may have been referring to this old classic (and very obscene) limerick:

    There was a young man from Nantucket,
    Whose d*** was so long he could suck it.
    Said he with a grin,
    As he wiped off his chin
    “If my ear were a c*** I could f*** it.”

    That is the Big Cheese of all limericks. These are among the best:

    There was a young girl from the Azores,
    Whose ass was covered in sores,
    All the dogs in the street,
    Would lick the foul meat,
    That hung, infested, from her drawers.

    There was a young man from Leeds,
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
    Two blades of grass grew out of his a**,
    And his ba**s were covered in weeds.

  25. @Zonga: Isn’t there an English actor by that name? Benedict Bandersnatch, or something like that?


  26. Yea, he’s a baby-faced beta, the camera loves to linger on his face & blue eyes… lots of shots of his butt too…
    heard it from a friend…

  27. @ Uncle Al

    > …or how about a cant?

    That’s terrific, I laughed out loud. I saw people were coming back to this thread so I did too. Glad I didn’t miss that 🙂

  28. I only know drunk Limericks.

    “She had hair on her legs like bristles on a hog,
    She had pimples right up to her chin.
    But in a little bit of time and a whole lot of whiskey,
    I drank her right up to a ten.”

  29. Vietvet LOL! I had never looked that ‘poem’ before. Aaaand now I can’t stop thinking about it. *shudders*


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