That’s a strong window! Glad it held up to the test!
12
Ok.
Seems like it would have been more straightforward and less risky to pull him in from the window he was dangling from, tho.
Doors are easy to break down.
And where the hell were kid’s parents?
11
:Jesus crucified:
SNS: “I dunno, cross looks a little crooked. Plus, redeeming all mankind would have been much easier with an edict. Where is this guys dad?”
3
Have to log-in to Twitter to view. No thanks.
7
“To view this media, you’ll need to log in to Twitter.”
Nope. No can do. Maybe when Elon’s fully in charge.
9
Kids in China be tryin’ to escape the same way…
“Nope, back to the Nike shop and covid lockdown”
9
Burr, seriously?
MAY 13, 2022 AT 8:28 PM
:Jesus crucified:
“.. Where is this guys dad?”
…well, Jesus HIMSELF asked the same question, just sayin’…
“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”
Matthew 27:46
3
^^^
See? If we were partners, I would have been the one to grab the kid because sociopath. SNS would have swaddled that kid in blankets and rushed him to the unit downstairs, because compassionate humanitarian.
Meanwhile I’m still upstairs because I got distracted by the apartments 72 inch screen and decided to play some Mario cart.
6
The little guy may have felt guilty for dodging the abortion bullet.
5
Me and SNS on a mission.
I will be played by Samuel L. Jackson and Charlie Murphy will be playing the role of SNS.
What I like most about this is finely word “hero” used in proper context. Not that today’s bull shit healthcare workers
heros, first responders heros, journalist heros and all or almost all getting paid for it.
5
Burr, I worked with a guy like this once….dudes in the Cali senate now
MAY 13, 2022 AT 8:43 PM
…I tried to come over yesterday for BBQ if you remember, but your state wouldn’t stay still, it went over to snuggle with TX as I recall.
And if the kid had Mario Cart he probably wouldn’t have been doing parkor at the window, so you’d probably be next to a litter pan his folks set out for him before going out to the disco or whatever young folks do these days after, obviously inadequately, tying the kid’s ankle to the radiator.
And I never spend more time with patients than absolutely necessary. Kid’s going to the hospital or CPS just as fast as I can unload him. I’m a terrible comfort guy, so once I establish he isn’t gonna die immediately, he’s gonna be someone else’s problem, it’s just better for him that way, and I get back to my lollygaging on the couch sooner.
And to your first point, the Romans of Tiberius’ time took pride in their engineering, so no, the cross really SHOULD be straight or it reflects badly on Pilate AND the Emeperor, and you wouldn’t want THAT…
Burr, how about just lil’ professional courtesy
MAY 13, 2022 AT 8:55 PM
“Me and SNS on a mission.”
…interesting video choice in the context of your first comment, considering the theme song starts with “I am the stone that the builder rejected”, which is a bit blasphemous given that Jesus was using that to refer to HIMSELF…
“42 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes?
43 Therefore say I unto you, The kingdom of God shall be taken from you, and given to a nation bringing forth the fruits thereof.
44 And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
45 And when the chief priests and Pharisees had heard his parables, they perceived that he spake of them.”
Matthew 21:42-45
4
SNS
The door was locked to the cubicle the kid was in. The shortest distance between where you’re at and someone in danger is, is a straight line.
4
Me and Brad teaching SNS the value of trust in your partner during this epic team building exercise.
Not saying you dont have a backup, but locked doors really aren’t an obstacle if you aren’t concered with property, so you send someone tobgo do that and prep for the riskier approach in case the situation deteriorates in the meantime.
It worked and yes, it was brave, but also lucky as I would hazard a guess the window wasn’t built for those loads. Had something out of his control happened like the joists holding the window open snapped when he received the shock load of the kid , this would be about how he stupidly got a kid killed instead.
You do what you have to do, but you don’t have to be one dimensional in your thinking, even in a crisis situation. You have a first intention and a second intention in case the first fails, but always with an eye for the least risk to the victim.
SNS, After Burr and I get our “School for wanna be hero’s” set up, we hope you will study the curriculum and do most of the teaching, while Burr and I establish our Agave ranch. We will pay you well. In unregistered weapons, and experimental Takilla.
4
How American Offshore Financial trains our interns.
It’s basically psychological terror until they just give up and roll with it. Best way to keep them from constantly asking stupid questions. I’ll let Brad do the talking in this one as I’m busy drinking and driving.
3
^^^^Yes, Painful Anal. The ChiComs basically coined the term. How are you suppose to pay attention to the financials of a deal if you’re worried about getting called Sally and stretched beyond imagination. Unless of course your name is actually Sally. Never hire a broker that sits on one of those inflatable doughnuts. Just sayen, been there done that. .
4
Brad
MAY 13, 2022 AT 9:58 PM
“SNS, After Burr and I get our “School for wanna be hero’s” set up, we hope you will study the curriculum and do most of the teaching, while Burr and I establish our Agave ranch.”
…I appreciate your kind offer, but after Burr moved AZ over next to TX yesterday, Homeland Security shut down all GPS referencing his hacienda and I couldn’t even get my Mexican Barbecue, let alone a job application, and I was really looking forwards to the fried iguana too.
So until he quits moving his state around and/or has Elon Musk launch GPS satellites that can’t redact his location, I’m afraid I will only be able to share my Monday morning hero quarterbacking and curmudgeonly backseat driving in this limited forum that, for all its flaws, can at least still be turned OFF, a trait that many find great relief in.
1
IPCRESS
1
& Brad coins a new phrase … ‘a hemorrhoid the size of Sally’s doughnut’
… trust him … he’s “been there done that.” 😉
3
SNS
You underestimate the financial gain to be realized from supplying weapons to the Apache Nation. Just sayen.
4
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
LOL. more like an Octopus.
2
Brad
MAY 13, 2022 AT 10:53 PM
“SNS
You underestimate the financial gain to be realized from supplying weapons to the Apache Nation. Just sayen.”
ok … mild dilemma that’s gonna keep me up all night w/ visual images …
envisioning octopi rear ends singing ‘Octopuses Garden’, or Sally w/ a tentacled sphincter … damn you, Brad! 😉
never met either, btw … looking for a friend ……. w/ pics 😜
(‘specially of Sally, the tentacled sphincter girl! … wrap your appendages around that!)
2
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
Dude, that’s just, just, wrong. LOL
1
Off the rails again…sigh*
3
We ain’t off the rails. We’re discussing the pros and cons between the highly trained by the book response and the world weary experienced response.
Lets go back to me and SNS on this emergency call. SNS, downstairs…co-ordinating the response. Me? Inside getting pissed “MUTHER FUCK THESE IS A LOT OF STAIRS!!!”
I’m thinking, “5th floor, catch the bebe if something goes wrong.” What I’m saying as I step out the 5th floor window to SNS is “I AIN’T WORKING FOR YOU!!! SIDES THIS LIL’ NIGGA’ IS PHAT AS PHUCK.”
Reach up, grab the kid like I’m grabbing paper towels off the top shelf in the grocery store. All my weight is on my right leg on the sill. The other leg is 20% of my weight spread across the window. No time to explain all this, you just do it. Anyway, let chubbsy plop in my free arm and against window. Swing that lil’ bastard inside and it’s Mario Kart time.
Rules broken? Hopefully ALL OF THEM. In fact. after such an awesome rescue caught on tape, I ain’t on call no mo’ for the rest of that day. Fug’ the Marshall, I’m gettin’ laid.
Someone will eventually get around to the paperwork.
2
Denial is an unrepentant mistress Burr…
2
Black the whites of my eyes if Loco isn’t gonna’ get picked for the first A.O.F. assignment. Fug’ up the Tiger Mafia.
Damn Burr,
We got Scorsese & Spielberg,
but those niggas got Selassie !
1
Oh yeah….gona’ need 13 custom M4 Bulldogs. One for me, 12 for the Apostles.
DARE ME TO FIND A PROBLEM THAT CANNOT BE SOLVED BY 13 CUSTOM BUILT EM-MUTHERTRUCKIN’-FO’S.
3
Loco, Africa is ton’s of fun. You know….once you get over malaria, hepatitis, and whatever those fuggin’ lil’ rat bastard mosquitoes do to you.
54 countries to choose from. Just…um….you’re probably gonna’ wanna’ skip Nigeria…it’s the one rising superpower so they’re all serious and full of red tape and nutty expensive hard to get crew serviced armaments. Hardly any fun at all.
Personally, I’m all dead set for the Comoros Islands…..mainly to settle a bet. But Uganda looks like it has tolerable weather, and the one location on the planet that has….Krustys Fast Food by Enzo Food. Yup. You can get a real life Krusty Burger.
That alone would make the trip worth it.
2
Burr, if I want to go to a continent where Great White sharks prowl the waters, I’m going back to Australia.
Dark Continent is a no go for me…
BTW, my complexion fares much better in OZ.
(Even though you sometimes needs a 5000 SPF cream)
The fact they went batshit covid was very surprising but still…
2
A.O.F. training regimen for prospective employees. MANDATORY.
I used to live there. Some of the residents might frown on that sort of thing.
Sides’ how can you not have respect for the mother continent that spawned the human race….and most of the worlds problems.
It’s not all lost dinosaurs and poisoned lakes and slimy jungles that have this gooey crap that can burn right through a BS-4 containment suit.
There’s mountains and cities and balls out crazy trains and questionable airlines, rampant corruption and bribery… It’s like this big ass Dave and Busters for gangsters.
Sides, it’s all part of the Great Game as Kipling described it. Totally sportsmanlike to get some licks in before the whole continent goes Asiatic. Hell, the ChiComs already got Wu Tang Clan. I say we draw a line in the sand.
2
Don’t know if you heard Burr, but that mother Africa shit is fake news.
Cradle of civilization was off the coast of Japan, before it sank into the sea…
2
“One wonders how the child ended up like this”
Shit parents.
5
Loco, I’ve the perfect job for you. Mediation with the locals.
Hell, I’ll be Corporal Agarn to your Sargent O’Rourke. You can tell the F’kare-we’s whatever you want. I just wanna’ be there when it all goes down.
What if…….this is all just phase one of an overly complicated and unnecessarily complex Rube Goldberg type of globe trotting adventure that ultimately ends in a desperate race against the clock and international law to recover…..LOST PIRATE TREASURE!?!?!?
That’s gotta’ be worth a couple of diary entries at the least.
4
🎵it’s a lot of suuuunkeeen shiiips🎵
Who doesn’t like pirate treasure?
I just need to build up a lil’ team of Weebelos, pick up a few odds and ends like one of them there automated 20mm CIWS systems, a kick ass chef, and probably some diving equipment, possibly some rope.
Done deal.
3
I myself am beyond ready to hoist the Black Sails.
I’ll meet you in Vero Beach…
1715 Fleet beckons
2
Oh it’s waaaaaay better n’ that. It’s just sorta’ in this place that’s …um…. gonna’ take some persuasion to kinda’ get at.
Like, I can’t just stroll up with some fins and a snorkel. Mo-fo could get shot. Plus, there’s probably some outside nationalistic tangentially related parties with non related interests in the area.
Sooo…I kinda’ need to build up a team and some resources to cover for eventualities and unanticipated act’s of gods. Yeah, gods, there’s like ….more than 8 of them worshiped on that continent.
Don’t have time for spiritual discussions, hence the need for the 20mm Close In Weapons System.
Or I could get involved with American politics. But the last time I did that Wisconsin had people breaking down into screaming tantrums,rape tents and ….and……well…..it was all just a mess.
My bad.
So I figured it might be better for everyone involved if I limit raining hellfire and tapatio flavored loogies down upon unrelated 3rd parties hardly anyone of us will miss.
2
It’s all fun and games until Brad gets decapitated.
Anyway, I believe you need at least 8 gods for a quorum…
3
How about I tell you a REAL pirate story.
O.K. back in kick ass days of legal opium and edged weaponry a bunch of DAMN SOCIALISTS liberated privately held property,raped cattle and hardly ever wiped their sea boots on the entry mats of whatever particular embassy they happened to be looting.
We know them as pirates.
Well in 1692 the Good Lord decided to wipe Jamaica clean of Port Royal, A.K.A. Waterworld, the pirates had no place to go. Plus,after the Royal Pardon of 1710, things calmed down considerably compared to previous decades. Slim pickings.
However, my outlaw ancestors were a clever bunch and noted for their powers of observation and deduction. Some veritable genius of a picaroon figured out that the ocean…..goes all over the place. Practically around the whole danged globe.
So offs they went. not all of them of course. History is full of the tales of Blackbeard and Redbeard and Clubfoot Jones or whoever were the prominent coastal raiders of the Americas. Peanuts.
No…some of the more enterprising sea scouts went far, far afield for plunder. Not randomly of course, they had a plan.
Every year for some inexplicable reason muslims from all around the flat earth get together for a barbecue or something in mecca. Corporate policy or whatever. If you can’t go, you’re at least supposed to send something in lieu of your R.S.V.P.
What this boiled down to were…fleets of treasure ships full of tribute, sultanates, princesses and all sorts of handy junk like gems and …I dunno’, curling irons. All of it crossing the Indian ocean at a specific time and place every year.
No one had ever done anything like this before. Essentially these guys ran their scooby doo van up alongside an aircraft carrier and using nothing more than flint lock pistols and Incan cocaine, walked off with ….well….everything.
AHA! Says you and most of the crew. Uh-Oh says a few of the more discerning ones. Turns out these muslim fellows have little to no sense of humor and a lot of free time between pilgrimages to mecca.
The actual fudge could you go on the planet with a a couple of dumpsters of treasure that WOULDN’T get you immediately jacked for your glitter, tried for something against some law and shot by a dirty Frenchman with poorly cast lumpy tin bullets?
Turns out the best place to go was the one place NO ONE wanted to go. It’s this bay on this island on the east coast of Africa. Full of warlike and angst filled natives easily stirred into shao-lin feats of naked kung fu and spine defying acts of ass twerking.
No problem. All the pirates had gunz. Negotiations were brief. Result? Pirates took their immense haul ashore. They couldn’t spend it anywhere. At least not for a while. So, lay low. Burn the ships, build forts, pit the locals against each other and generally enjoy summer vacation.
But alas, every camp Wannafartsee ends. So did the pirate paradise. See, at first erry’ one wanted to come hang out with the new bad boys on the block. A good way to buy supplies from passing ships, good for trade. However….pirates. Why trade when you can blow their ships up in the harbor?
Eventually no one wanted to visit and the pirates…sorta’ sat there. Blowing up anyone who tried to get in, and anyone who tried to get out with some of the treasure.
First they ran out of clothes, then, I dunno’, probably tobacco. Then they ran out of time on earth. Lots of them had half breed kids who inherited the fort from the old man. Then the forts became warring factions based on clan affiliation. Then people forgot about the place. Except the descendants. They run the government.
Anyway, there it sat until some guy went diving because National Geographic said there were some sunken ships in the bay.
There were. Full of treasure. Just sitting there. Dude got arrested, port shut down and……nothing. No one has the money, resources, knowledge or will to pick it up. They just wont let anyone else get it.
Typical run of the mill random bastards.
So for fun I figured I’d lead an armed insurgency into the area and go clam diggin’.
How is this not something that sells itself? It’s like bungee jumping into a volcano, grenade baseball, casino robbery or leaping across Snake River Canyon on a steam powered monkey navigated gold plated rocket car. All fantastic ideas that don’t need me to extol their virtues.
It’s this or mow the lawn.
6
Zanzibar?
1
Probably. You never know who’s reading these things. I gave the briefest of sketches of a truly fascinating blood soaked seasoned with gunpowder decades long epic…saga, from like. Iceland.
The point is, short of crop dusting the area all Goldfinger style, it really looks like one of those grimy, gas inducing, adventurers that require the old fashioned method.
I mean, i hope it does. Imagine my disappointment if all it takes is a couple of bribes.
4
Burr, napping on the job MAY 14, 2022 AT 12:08 AM
“Lets go back to me and SNS on this emergency call. SNS, downstairs…co-ordinating the response.”
…We discussed this before, but if you’re contemplating me for a position at your pirate company it bears repeating. I am NOT the Line Officer type, I am a grunt and proud of it. I would run an individual Squad scene when I was right hand seat and would run a scene if I was first-in engine, but ONLY until someone with pale, delicate hands unused to actual work showed up, at which time I would gleefully give them commmand so I could run off and break stuff with axes, pike poles, or just high pressure streams of copious amounts of water.
That’s why I want to break his door down, not out of some love of mankind but because I LOVE swining an axe or planting a Halligan tool, or just straight up kicking the door in with a heavy boot. Battering rams were nice, we had a nice chrome one that had four big handles and a pointy end with holes in it so you could jam it THROUGH a door and use it as a penetrating nozzle, but really I was happiest when I was marring the paint on an entry door to get to the funski inside. Sure I’d be happy to pull a kid or two in to justify the wreckage, but that’s hardly the REAL fun part…
…also, yes, it WILL get you laid when your GF hears it on the scanner or sees it on the news, but that’s LATER; also, it doesn’t have to be SUCCESSFUL because she will ALSO lay you to get your mind off it, and pity sex is still sex, but that’s neither here nor there…
90 % of doors weren’t that stout anyway, especially in office buildings or apartment buildings because the builder was buying mass hardware and wanted to steal as much of the contract money as possible so he’d use shitty hardware. A good screwdriver in the jamb could get you through a cheap aluminum stile door faster than turning a key could in many cases, and the people who built Section 8 complexes didn’t spend a lot of money on steel doors or reinforcements therefore.
…so, to revise your scenario, I would run upstairs and hopefully collect something fun along the way, maybe a hammer, maybe a fire extinguisher, but it doesn’t matter because I have steel all up in my boots and a pocket full of interesting and often sharp bits of metal at all times, also I’ve put on quite a bit of weight since back in the day and with a good shoulder strike with all that fat behind it the door would be shaking just from my thundering approach, and I’d go to work on making work for some building maintenance man while you heroically and/or stupidly (depending on the outcome) grabbed the kid and went out to get laid, by a lady if it worked or by a big guy in a small prison cell if it didn’t. Either way, you’re happy because you get SOME form of sex at the end of the day, and I’m happy because I got to bust up a door for totes legit reasons, so everyone wins.
Not sure who’s actually in command at this point. Brad? Loco? The pirate king of Madagascar? Doesn’t matter, we’re both just going to ignore ’em anyway, as you’ve already pointed out, sentencing ourselves to an eternity of snark I suppose…
1
…….nigga why you bustin down down doors all backdraft style?
You just had to run up five flights of stairs. Try the door knob, maybe the doorbell.
But I like your enthusiasm.
Anyway, I’m just needling you because you catch all my biblical references….even the sly…..tiny ones. And I got your numbuh, so yes. On calls I would totally f*ck wid you.
Also, I seem to be receiving some pushback on this whole African vacation deal.
:shuffles papers on desk:
O.K. in this scenario the ultimate goal is to find the SECRET NAZI UFO BASE LOCATED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WORL’
C’mon man, it’s fuggin’ cold down there. Plus, full of nazis. We can circle back to this plan later I guess.
I’m just trying to hep out my fellow man by wiping the earf clean of muslim insurgents and filling everyones pockets with pirate gold.
I’m a damn humanitarian.
3
Even if there are no secret nazi ufo bases in Antarctica, there are a bunch of isolated research stations.
Think about it. No ones ever robbed them before.
:knock knock knock:
“I say Pembroke, who could that be? See to the door, would you?”
:kicks in door: “SURPRISE MUTHER F*CKAH!!!”
“ALL YOU BOOK WORM MUTHER TRUCKERS DROP YO’ SHINE. I MEAN RIGHT NOW. Also, I’ma take this oscilloscope” (see, I pay attention)
Epic.
3
Man you people are tough to please. It’s O.K. I got’s a bunch of these.
topple central american regime simply to fug’ with their world cup standing.
got a deal here thats gonna’ need someone who can operate a big ass bulldozer razing temple complexes in India…
Chiner is paying top dollar for some missing imperial jade seals….anyone enjoy driving on the left hand side of the road…in the rain…while eating crumpets can have this one….looks like it involves a modicum of c4 and the British Museum
what else I got…
Chilean silver mine train robbery …
central african gold mine theft…
beach invasion of DeBeers diamond mine S.A.
British Virgin Islands shake down. It’s all computerized offshore hidden assets and cocaine smuggling. Hell, the Prime Minister just got busted for drug smuggling. Go Crocket and Tubbs on this one.
What else…what else…
Couple of island nations I find to be irritating….
Got an option on some Shining Path jagoffs if you like to hike..
Oh yeah, no ones ever robbed an F.B.I. field office before. That could be fun.
The point is, the worlds a stage and someone has to sweep up after all the egomaniacs have traipsed across it.
Why not us?
1
Burr, the grand tour
MAY 14, 2022 AT 7:31 PM
“…….nigga why you bustin down down doors all backdraft style?
You just had to run up five flights of stairs. Try the door knob, maybe the doorbell.”
…well, Brad said it wuz locked, and he’s the Captain. Or something. All I need because I LIKE axing doors. Weren’t you paying attention?
…and you DO say you want to bust down doors in Antarctica, just sayin’…
1
And all I’m sayin’ is that if I had to run up 6 flights of stairs instead of 5, I’ma puke in the apartment. Plus, 2 packs a day or 6 flights of stairs. I don’t have to be Neil deGrasse Tyson to figure out the maf on that decision.
Also, you KICK down doors in Antarctica, you BUST down doors in Baltimore. There’s a decorum to this sort of thing.
But alright, YOU find a nefarious situation that needs correction. In a temperate climate. With cell phone service. And decent food. Also, toilets.
Go ahead. Pick one. I’ll wait.
2
I just wanna’ go on a call with SNS. It would start out as simple cat in a tree deal that would wind up being a 6 alarm fire in the warehouse district with me and SNS trapped on the top floor oblivious to the carnage around us as we enter the last phase of a knock down drag out fight about the merits of crunchy versus creamy peanut butter.
2
What’s your take on iridium plugs versus platinum plugs?
Are you gay, or not?
2
What is your take on MT-1 versus GL-4? 91 RON?
2
9 hours later….battalion command office…..
Me, with steak over bruised eye, SNS rubbing jaw, both slumped in seats facing the Cap.
“YOU TWO!?!?! AGAIN!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAT!?!?! WHERE IS THE WHERE HOUSE DISTRICT!?!!”
Me: “Ay, yo, dis scandalous mo-fo started it talkin’ bout dat’ crunchy peanut butter an..”
Commander with eyes bulging
“GET OUT!!!! OUT!!! I DON’T WANT TO SEE EITHER ONE OF YOU FOR 6 WEEKS!!! GET THE F OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!!”
Later…in the unit…..driving back to the station in silence.
Me: “See, cap’n eats dat crunchy peanut butter so it scratches his asshoe on the way out an makes him all cranky…”
SNS slammin on the brakes…
Me “oh sh…”
2
“…well, Brad said it wuz locked, and he’s the Captain. Or something.”
My attorney just called me and said I should avoid this shit like the plague. What the fuck does he know about Indians and illegal weapons? I’m still in. Captain? Paalease.
2
Peanut butter gives me the shits every time. Crunchy or not.
1
^^^^^
Erik jumping out of his black and white upon seeing two firefighters duking it out by the side of the road…
“FUCK ALL YOU PEANUT BUTTER EATING MUTHA FUCKAS!!! YAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”
We need to all get on the same page. There’s no money in this hero shit. But it’s a great cover for criminal enterprise.
2
Your beans are shit.
2
OK Burr, I’m just sayen, there’s no way in hell Erik’s going to be able to wheel and deal with Cochise Jr. I’m mean really, “Hey Injun Pal, does peanut butter make you shit”, ain’t going to cut it when your trying to arm opposition to the FBI, and fight them on our behalf by the way. Blankets and Imodium D are not going to do the trick. Erik, you’re fired.
4
HAAA!
3
Erik, LOL.
3
Excellent point Brad.
A. we sell bibles to Injuns
B. our international swim team is gender neutral
C. I say we let this peanut butter controversy simmer until we can find some outside arbitration. It would make for some interesting chit chat in the jungle. Never know when the dude in front of you will turn around and go off on crunchy peanut butter. Breaks the tension.
D. getting a government contract is not the same as as a free reign to commit acts of grand larceny. Although that line do get blurry sometimes. No official word on the legality of establishing a new religion in third world countries in order to gain a veritable army of fanatics to do your bidding….. kinda’ seems there would be laws on the book…..but go figure. Big stripper ass sized loophole.
E. I’m not in it for the money. It’s a highly competitive market. I just like to collect dry goods, mementos, and crazy ass weapons I can toss in my gun vault like Scrooge McDuck tosses in bags of money.
F. how else are we gonna’ pass on our collective wisdom to future generations if we don’t show em’ how?
Oh I am. SNS is going to be to busy doing wind sprints up and down the stairs to sell. We need to look for a new talent pool. Yes, I’ talking about the womenz of IOTW. They’ll git shit done and plant the mental seeds that need to be planted. If you catch my drift. We need eye on the ball types of peeps to bump those numbers up. My people will call your people and let’s set up some meets with MJA, AA, Mary Hatch, and Loco.
Burr I’d say she def what were looking for. I’m smelling the money. Think I’ll break out all my Ghost Dance attire tonight. Can’t wait to play F.B.I and Injuns.
2
I say we pair up Erik and Loco. One of em’ wants to tell highly religious and super warlike tribal Africans that the mother continent sank off the coast of Japan the other one want’s to talk ish’ about peanut butter to Injuns.
P.R. dream team. I say they’re in on all negotiations.
But we do need to get on the same page.
A. the fudge’ are doin’?
B. how can we make money off it?
The eternal questions that have plagued mankind since the dawn of time.
1
Loco reporting for duty, El Captain…
1
“. how can we make money off it?”
Come on man, they’re Indians. They know where all the gold is at. And usually they don’t give it up because purely out of coincidence the gold vein is parked right in the middle of their ceremonial burying grounds. Not cool if you’re an Injun. That’s why we need a crack sales team, Disturb your ancient dead for a chance to get even with round white eye. Believe me, this is doable.
“A. the fudge’ are doin’?”
I can help with that.
1
“B. how can we make money off it?”
Come on man, their Indians. They know where all the Gold is. Unfortunately, and quite coincidentally the gold is always located in the middle of one of their ceremonial burring grounds. Not cool if your an injun. So the hook is, here’s a chance to get even with round white eye. By the way, how you doing on baby formula. You get the idea. It sells itself. It’s time to go get that gold to wage retribution. Even John Wayne like Indians. The Federal Gov. Not so much.
Yo! If we got the Grim Reaper on our team I’m in. I don’t even care what the mission is. Ish’ is gonna’ get sideways for some unfortunate bastards and it’s gonna’ be lit.
1
“B. how can we make money off it?”
Come on man, their Indians. They know where all the Gold is. Unfortunately, and quite coincidentally the gold is always located in the middle of one of their ceremonial burring grounds. Not cool if your an injun. So the hook is, here’s a chance to get even with round white eye. By the way, how you doing on baby formula. You get the idea. It sells itself. It’s time to go get that gold to wage retribution. Even John Wayne like Indians. The Federal Gov. Not so much much. (cant seem to get this posted, it’s like the FBI is blocking it, 3rd try)
Can’t post on this anymore, being blocked. 4 tries. let see if this goes through.
We have a dissenter on another thread called “Mystery” so keep any treasonous thoughts to yourself bitches…
3
A crunchy peanut butter advocatin’ scandalous muther fuckah?
That’s a strong window! Glad it held up to the test!
Ok.
Seems like it would have been more straightforward and less risky to pull him in from the window he was dangling from, tho.
Doors are easy to break down.
And where the hell were kid’s parents?
:Jesus crucified:
SNS: “I dunno, cross looks a little crooked. Plus, redeeming all mankind would have been much easier with an edict. Where is this guys dad?”
Have to log-in to Twitter to view. No thanks.
“To view this media, you’ll need to log in to Twitter.”
Nope. No can do. Maybe when Elon’s fully in charge.
Kids in China be tryin’ to escape the same way…
“Nope, back to the Nike shop and covid lockdown”
Burr, seriously?
MAY 13, 2022 AT 8:28 PM
:Jesus crucified:
“.. Where is this guys dad?”
…well, Jesus HIMSELF asked the same question, just sayin’…
“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”
Matthew 27:46
^^^
See? If we were partners, I would have been the one to grab the kid because sociopath. SNS would have swaddled that kid in blankets and rushed him to the unit downstairs, because compassionate humanitarian.
Meanwhile I’m still upstairs because I got distracted by the apartments 72 inch screen and decided to play some Mario cart.
The little guy may have felt guilty for dodging the abortion bullet.
Me and SNS on a mission.
I will be played by Samuel L. Jackson and Charlie Murphy will be playing the role of SNS.
Strong language.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSV_CvoaCak
What I like most about this is finely word “hero” used in proper context. Not that today’s bull shit healthcare workers
heros, first responders heros, journalist heros and all or almost all getting paid for it.
Burr, I worked with a guy like this once….dudes in the Cali senate now
MAY 13, 2022 AT 8:43 PM
…I tried to come over yesterday for BBQ if you remember, but your state wouldn’t stay still, it went over to snuggle with TX as I recall.
And if the kid had Mario Cart he probably wouldn’t have been doing parkor at the window, so you’d probably be next to a litter pan his folks set out for him before going out to the disco or whatever young folks do these days after, obviously inadequately, tying the kid’s ankle to the radiator.
And I never spend more time with patients than absolutely necessary. Kid’s going to the hospital or CPS just as fast as I can unload him. I’m a terrible comfort guy, so once I establish he isn’t gonna die immediately, he’s gonna be someone else’s problem, it’s just better for him that way, and I get back to my lollygaging on the couch sooner.
And to your first point, the Romans of Tiberius’ time took pride in their engineering, so no, the cross really SHOULD be straight or it reflects badly on Pilate AND the Emeperor, and you wouldn’t want THAT…
https://youtu.be/M3gNdGHsEIk
Burr, how about just lil’ professional courtesy
MAY 13, 2022 AT 8:55 PM
“Me and SNS on a mission.”
…interesting video choice in the context of your first comment, considering the theme song starts with “I am the stone that the builder rejected”, which is a bit blasphemous given that Jesus was using that to refer to HIMSELF…
“42 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes?
43 Therefore say I unto you, The kingdom of God shall be taken from you, and given to a nation bringing forth the fruits thereof.
44 And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
45 And when the chief priests and Pharisees had heard his parables, they perceived that he spake of them.”
Matthew 21:42-45
SNS
The door was locked to the cubicle the kid was in. The shortest distance between where you’re at and someone in danger is, is a straight line.
Me and Brad teaching SNS the value of trust in your partner during this epic team building exercise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwtddFg1jyM
Brad
MAY 13, 2022 AT 9:26 PM
Not saying you dont have a backup, but locked doors really aren’t an obstacle if you aren’t concered with property, so you send someone tobgo do that and prep for the riskier approach in case the situation deteriorates in the meantime.
It worked and yes, it was brave, but also lucky as I would hazard a guess the window wasn’t built for those loads. Had something out of his control happened like the joists holding the window open snapped when he received the shock load of the kid , this would be about how he stupidly got a kid killed instead.
You do what you have to do, but you don’t have to be one dimensional in your thinking, even in a crisis situation. You have a first intention and a second intention in case the first fails, but always with an eye for the least risk to the victim.
It worked, and God bless him that it did.
But it could easily not have.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs73-eVBu6I
SNS, After Burr and I get our “School for wanna be hero’s” set up, we hope you will study the curriculum and do most of the teaching, while Burr and I establish our Agave ranch. We will pay you well. In unregistered weapons, and experimental Takilla.
How American Offshore Financial trains our interns.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wh8BWGSEzYM
It’s basically psychological terror until they just give up and roll with it. Best way to keep them from constantly asking stupid questions. I’ll let Brad do the talking in this one as I’m busy drinking and driving.
^^^^Yes, Painful Anal. The ChiComs basically coined the term. How are you suppose to pay attention to the financials of a deal if you’re worried about getting called Sally and stretched beyond imagination. Unless of course your name is actually Sally. Never hire a broker that sits on one of those inflatable doughnuts. Just sayen, been there done that. .
Brad
MAY 13, 2022 AT 9:58 PM
“SNS, After Burr and I get our “School for wanna be hero’s” set up, we hope you will study the curriculum and do most of the teaching, while Burr and I establish our Agave ranch.”
…I appreciate your kind offer, but after Burr moved AZ over next to TX yesterday, Homeland Security shut down all GPS referencing his hacienda and I couldn’t even get my Mexican Barbecue, let alone a job application, and I was really looking forwards to the fried iguana too.
So until he quits moving his state around and/or has Elon Musk launch GPS satellites that can’t redact his location, I’m afraid I will only be able to share my Monday morning hero quarterbacking and curmudgeonly backseat driving in this limited forum that, for all its flaws, can at least still be turned OFF, a trait that many find great relief in.
IPCRESS
& Brad coins a new phrase … ‘a hemorrhoid the size of Sally’s doughnut’
… trust him … he’s “been there done that.” 😉
SNS
You underestimate the financial gain to be realized from supplying weapons to the Apache Nation. Just sayen.
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
LOL. more like an Octopus.
Brad
MAY 13, 2022 AT 10:53 PM
“SNS
You underestimate the financial gain to be realized from supplying weapons to the Apache Nation. Just sayen.”
…I’m all in, I just can’t find the place!
https://iotwreport.com/did-anyone-feel-that-earthquake-in-arizona/
Plus, I really want to see if Burr looks as much like Radagast the Brown as I think he does.
https://middle-earth.xenite.org/files/2011/09/radagast-the-brown-2.jpg
ok … mild dilemma that’s gonna keep me up all night w/ visual images …
envisioning octopi rear ends singing ‘Octopuses Garden’, or Sally w/ a tentacled sphincter … damn you, Brad! 😉
never met either, btw … looking for a friend ……. w/ pics 😜
(‘specially of Sally, the tentacled sphincter girl! … wrap your appendages around that!)
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
Dude, that’s just, just, wrong. LOL
Off the rails again…sigh*
We ain’t off the rails. We’re discussing the pros and cons between the highly trained by the book response and the world weary experienced response.
Lets go back to me and SNS on this emergency call. SNS, downstairs…co-ordinating the response. Me? Inside getting pissed “MUTHER FUCK THESE IS A LOT OF STAIRS!!!”
I’m thinking, “5th floor, catch the bebe if something goes wrong.” What I’m saying as I step out the 5th floor window to SNS is “I AIN’T WORKING FOR YOU!!! SIDES THIS LIL’ NIGGA’ IS PHAT AS PHUCK.”
Reach up, grab the kid like I’m grabbing paper towels off the top shelf in the grocery store. All my weight is on my right leg on the sill. The other leg is 20% of my weight spread across the window. No time to explain all this, you just do it. Anyway, let chubbsy plop in my free arm and against window. Swing that lil’ bastard inside and it’s Mario Kart time.
Rules broken? Hopefully ALL OF THEM. In fact. after such an awesome rescue caught on tape, I ain’t on call no mo’ for the rest of that day. Fug’ the Marshall, I’m gettin’ laid.
Someone will eventually get around to the paperwork.
Denial is an unrepentant mistress Burr…
Black the whites of my eyes if Loco isn’t gonna’ get picked for the first A.O.F. assignment. Fug’ up the Tiger Mafia.
God be with you, hero.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JABdS-HN5A
Damn Burr,
We got Scorsese & Spielberg,
but those niggas got Selassie !
Oh yeah….gona’ need 13 custom M4 Bulldogs. One for me, 12 for the Apostles.
DARE ME TO FIND A PROBLEM THAT CANNOT BE SOLVED BY 13 CUSTOM BUILT EM-MUTHERTRUCKIN’-FO’S.
Loco, Africa is ton’s of fun. You know….once you get over malaria, hepatitis, and whatever those fuggin’ lil’ rat bastard mosquitoes do to you.
54 countries to choose from. Just…um….you’re probably gonna’ wanna’ skip Nigeria…it’s the one rising superpower so they’re all serious and full of red tape and nutty expensive hard to get crew serviced armaments. Hardly any fun at all.
Personally, I’m all dead set for the Comoros Islands…..mainly to settle a bet. But Uganda looks like it has tolerable weather, and the one location on the planet that has….Krustys Fast Food by Enzo Food. Yup. You can get a real life Krusty Burger.
That alone would make the trip worth it.
Burr, if I want to go to a continent where Great White sharks prowl the waters, I’m going back to Australia.
Dark Continent is a no go for me…
BTW, my complexion fares much better in OZ.
(Even though you sometimes needs a 5000 SPF cream)
The fact they went batshit covid was very surprising but still…
A.O.F. training regimen for prospective employees. MANDATORY.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5emNrwGYNw
Is they sh!t to blow up in koala town?
I used to live there. Some of the residents might frown on that sort of thing.
Sides’ how can you not have respect for the mother continent that spawned the human race….and most of the worlds problems.
It’s not all lost dinosaurs and poisoned lakes and slimy jungles that have this gooey crap that can burn right through a BS-4 containment suit.
There’s mountains and cities and balls out crazy trains and questionable airlines, rampant corruption and bribery… It’s like this big ass Dave and Busters for gangsters.
Sides, it’s all part of the Great Game as Kipling described it. Totally sportsmanlike to get some licks in before the whole continent goes Asiatic. Hell, the ChiComs already got Wu Tang Clan. I say we draw a line in the sand.
Don’t know if you heard Burr, but that mother Africa shit is fake news.
Cradle of civilization was off the coast of Japan, before it sank into the sea…
“One wonders how the child ended up like this”
Shit parents.
Loco, I’ve the perfect job for you. Mediation with the locals.
Hell, I’ll be Corporal Agarn to your Sargent O’Rourke. You can tell the F’kare-we’s whatever you want. I just wanna’ be there when it all goes down.
For you Burr…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RpcCmbj_nM&ab_channel=JimmyBuffett-Topic
Thank you for the sentiment. However… I can’t…I can’t be an effective spotter for the mortar team if that’s in my headphones.
I’m more of a classical fan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul0uJfhywW8
I can sing along with that.
Spanish bombs, yo te quiero infinito BRRRRRRRRRT!!!!!!!
Yo te quiero, oh mi corazón FWOOOSH! KRK-BOOM!!!
Spanish bombs, yo te quiero infinito PEW!PEW!PEW!
Yo te quiero, oh mi corazón KRACK! KRACK! KRACK!!!!
I can’t say a bad thing about The Clash but I’m in a 5 O’clock J-B ritaville mood so I must say the weather is here, I wish you were beautiful…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZH-QtdQ71k&ab_channel=JimmyBuffett-Topic
I’ve moved on to the City…
Crockett is indeed the man
Sax is tight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TToLgW7zuc&ab_channel=GlennFreyVEVO
Gettin tired of starin at the same 4 walls…
What if…….this is all just phase one of an overly complicated and unnecessarily complex Rube Goldberg type of globe trotting adventure that ultimately ends in a desperate race against the clock and international law to recover…..LOST PIRATE TREASURE!?!?!?
That’s gotta’ be worth a couple of diary entries at the least.
🎵it’s a lot of suuuunkeeen shiiips🎵
Who doesn’t like pirate treasure?
I just need to build up a lil’ team of Weebelos, pick up a few odds and ends like one of them there automated 20mm CIWS systems, a kick ass chef, and probably some diving equipment, possibly some rope.
Done deal.
I myself am beyond ready to hoist the Black Sails.
I’ll meet you in Vero Beach…
1715 Fleet beckons
Oh it’s waaaaaay better n’ that. It’s just sorta’ in this place that’s …um…. gonna’ take some persuasion to kinda’ get at.
Like, I can’t just stroll up with some fins and a snorkel. Mo-fo could get shot. Plus, there’s probably some outside nationalistic tangentially related parties with non related interests in the area.
Sooo…I kinda’ need to build up a team and some resources to cover for eventualities and unanticipated act’s of gods. Yeah, gods, there’s like ….more than 8 of them worshiped on that continent.
Don’t have time for spiritual discussions, hence the need for the 20mm Close In Weapons System.
Or I could get involved with American politics. But the last time I did that Wisconsin had people breaking down into screaming tantrums,rape tents and ….and……well…..it was all just a mess.
My bad.
So I figured it might be better for everyone involved if I limit raining hellfire and tapatio flavored loogies down upon unrelated 3rd parties hardly anyone of us will miss.
It’s all fun and games until Brad gets decapitated.
Anyway, I believe you need at least 8 gods for a quorum…
How about I tell you a REAL pirate story.
O.K. back in kick ass days of legal opium and edged weaponry a bunch of DAMN SOCIALISTS liberated privately held property,raped cattle and hardly ever wiped their sea boots on the entry mats of whatever particular embassy they happened to be looting.
We know them as pirates.
Well in 1692 the Good Lord decided to wipe Jamaica clean of Port Royal, A.K.A. Waterworld, the pirates had no place to go. Plus,after the Royal Pardon of 1710, things calmed down considerably compared to previous decades. Slim pickings.
However, my outlaw ancestors were a clever bunch and noted for their powers of observation and deduction. Some veritable genius of a picaroon figured out that the ocean…..goes all over the place. Practically around the whole danged globe.
So offs they went. not all of them of course. History is full of the tales of Blackbeard and Redbeard and Clubfoot Jones or whoever were the prominent coastal raiders of the Americas. Peanuts.
No…some of the more enterprising sea scouts went far, far afield for plunder. Not randomly of course, they had a plan.
Every year for some inexplicable reason muslims from all around the flat earth get together for a barbecue or something in mecca. Corporate policy or whatever. If you can’t go, you’re at least supposed to send something in lieu of your R.S.V.P.
What this boiled down to were…fleets of treasure ships full of tribute, sultanates, princesses and all sorts of handy junk like gems and …I dunno’, curling irons. All of it crossing the Indian ocean at a specific time and place every year.
No one had ever done anything like this before. Essentially these guys ran their scooby doo van up alongside an aircraft carrier and using nothing more than flint lock pistols and Incan cocaine, walked off with ….well….everything.
AHA! Says you and most of the crew. Uh-Oh says a few of the more discerning ones. Turns out these muslim fellows have little to no sense of humor and a lot of free time between pilgrimages to mecca.
The actual fudge could you go on the planet with a a couple of dumpsters of treasure that WOULDN’T get you immediately jacked for your glitter, tried for something against some law and shot by a dirty Frenchman with poorly cast lumpy tin bullets?
Turns out the best place to go was the one place NO ONE wanted to go. It’s this bay on this island on the east coast of Africa. Full of warlike and angst filled natives easily stirred into shao-lin feats of naked kung fu and spine defying acts of ass twerking.
No problem. All the pirates had gunz. Negotiations were brief. Result? Pirates took their immense haul ashore. They couldn’t spend it anywhere. At least not for a while. So, lay low. Burn the ships, build forts, pit the locals against each other and generally enjoy summer vacation.
But alas, every camp Wannafartsee ends. So did the pirate paradise. See, at first erry’ one wanted to come hang out with the new bad boys on the block. A good way to buy supplies from passing ships, good for trade. However….pirates. Why trade when you can blow their ships up in the harbor?
Eventually no one wanted to visit and the pirates…sorta’ sat there. Blowing up anyone who tried to get in, and anyone who tried to get out with some of the treasure.
First they ran out of clothes, then, I dunno’, probably tobacco. Then they ran out of time on earth. Lots of them had half breed kids who inherited the fort from the old man. Then the forts became warring factions based on clan affiliation. Then people forgot about the place. Except the descendants. They run the government.
Anyway, there it sat until some guy went diving because National Geographic said there were some sunken ships in the bay.
There were. Full of treasure. Just sitting there. Dude got arrested, port shut down and……nothing. No one has the money, resources, knowledge or will to pick it up. They just wont let anyone else get it.
Typical run of the mill random bastards.
So for fun I figured I’d lead an armed insurgency into the area and go clam diggin’.
How is this not something that sells itself? It’s like bungee jumping into a volcano, grenade baseball, casino robbery or leaping across Snake River Canyon on a steam powered monkey navigated gold plated rocket car. All fantastic ideas that don’t need me to extol their virtues.
It’s this or mow the lawn.
Zanzibar?
Probably. You never know who’s reading these things. I gave the briefest of sketches of a truly fascinating blood soaked seasoned with gunpowder decades long epic…saga, from like. Iceland.
The point is, short of crop dusting the area all Goldfinger style, it really looks like one of those grimy, gas inducing, adventurers that require the old fashioned method.
I mean, i hope it does. Imagine my disappointment if all it takes is a couple of bribes.
Burr, napping on the job MAY 14, 2022 AT 12:08 AM
“Lets go back to me and SNS on this emergency call. SNS, downstairs…co-ordinating the response.”
…We discussed this before, but if you’re contemplating me for a position at your pirate company it bears repeating. I am NOT the Line Officer type, I am a grunt and proud of it. I would run an individual Squad scene when I was right hand seat and would run a scene if I was first-in engine, but ONLY until someone with pale, delicate hands unused to actual work showed up, at which time I would gleefully give them commmand so I could run off and break stuff with axes, pike poles, or just high pressure streams of copious amounts of water.
That’s why I want to break his door down, not out of some love of mankind but because I LOVE swining an axe or planting a Halligan tool, or just straight up kicking the door in with a heavy boot. Battering rams were nice, we had a nice chrome one that had four big handles and a pointy end with holes in it so you could jam it THROUGH a door and use it as a penetrating nozzle, but really I was happiest when I was marring the paint on an entry door to get to the funski inside. Sure I’d be happy to pull a kid or two in to justify the wreckage, but that’s hardly the REAL fun part…
…also, yes, it WILL get you laid when your GF hears it on the scanner or sees it on the news, but that’s LATER; also, it doesn’t have to be SUCCESSFUL because she will ALSO lay you to get your mind off it, and pity sex is still sex, but that’s neither here nor there…
90 % of doors weren’t that stout anyway, especially in office buildings or apartment buildings because the builder was buying mass hardware and wanted to steal as much of the contract money as possible so he’d use shitty hardware. A good screwdriver in the jamb could get you through a cheap aluminum stile door faster than turning a key could in many cases, and the people who built Section 8 complexes didn’t spend a lot of money on steel doors or reinforcements therefore.
…so, to revise your scenario, I would run upstairs and hopefully collect something fun along the way, maybe a hammer, maybe a fire extinguisher, but it doesn’t matter because I have steel all up in my boots and a pocket full of interesting and often sharp bits of metal at all times, also I’ve put on quite a bit of weight since back in the day and with a good shoulder strike with all that fat behind it the door would be shaking just from my thundering approach, and I’d go to work on making work for some building maintenance man while you heroically and/or stupidly (depending on the outcome) grabbed the kid and went out to get laid, by a lady if it worked or by a big guy in a small prison cell if it didn’t. Either way, you’re happy because you get SOME form of sex at the end of the day, and I’m happy because I got to bust up a door for totes legit reasons, so everyone wins.
Not sure who’s actually in command at this point. Brad? Loco? The pirate king of Madagascar? Doesn’t matter, we’re both just going to ignore ’em anyway, as you’ve already pointed out, sentencing ourselves to an eternity of snark I suppose…
…….nigga why you bustin down down doors all backdraft style?
You just had to run up five flights of stairs. Try the door knob, maybe the doorbell.
But I like your enthusiasm.
Anyway, I’m just needling you because you catch all my biblical references….even the sly…..tiny ones. And I got your numbuh, so yes. On calls I would totally f*ck wid you.
Also, I seem to be receiving some pushback on this whole African vacation deal.
:shuffles papers on desk:
O.K. in this scenario the ultimate goal is to find the SECRET NAZI UFO BASE LOCATED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WORL’
C’mon man, it’s fuggin’ cold down there. Plus, full of nazis. We can circle back to this plan later I guess.
I’m just trying to hep out my fellow man by wiping the earf clean of muslim insurgents and filling everyones pockets with pirate gold.
I’m a damn humanitarian.
Even if there are no secret nazi ufo bases in Antarctica, there are a bunch of isolated research stations.
Think about it. No ones ever robbed them before.
:knock knock knock:
“I say Pembroke, who could that be? See to the door, would you?”
:kicks in door: “SURPRISE MUTHER F*CKAH!!!”
“ALL YOU BOOK WORM MUTHER TRUCKERS DROP YO’ SHINE. I MEAN RIGHT NOW. Also, I’ma take this oscilloscope” (see, I pay attention)
Epic.
Man you people are tough to please. It’s O.K. I got’s a bunch of these.
topple central american regime simply to fug’ with their world cup standing.
got a deal here thats gonna’ need someone who can operate a big ass bulldozer razing temple complexes in India…
Chiner is paying top dollar for some missing imperial jade seals….anyone enjoy driving on the left hand side of the road…in the rain…while eating crumpets can have this one….looks like it involves a modicum of c4 and the British Museum
what else I got…
Chilean silver mine train robbery …
central african gold mine theft…
beach invasion of DeBeers diamond mine S.A.
British Virgin Islands shake down. It’s all computerized offshore hidden assets and cocaine smuggling. Hell, the Prime Minister just got busted for drug smuggling. Go Crocket and Tubbs on this one.
What else…what else…
Couple of island nations I find to be irritating….
Got an option on some Shining Path jagoffs if you like to hike..
Oh yeah, no ones ever robbed an F.B.I. field office before. That could be fun.
The point is, the worlds a stage and someone has to sweep up after all the egomaniacs have traipsed across it.
Why not us?
Burr, the grand tour
MAY 14, 2022 AT 7:31 PM
“…….nigga why you bustin down down doors all backdraft style?
You just had to run up five flights of stairs. Try the door knob, maybe the doorbell.”
…well, Brad said it wuz locked, and he’s the Captain. Or something. All I need because I LIKE axing doors. Weren’t you paying attention?
…and you DO say you want to bust down doors in Antarctica, just sayin’…
And all I’m sayin’ is that if I had to run up 6 flights of stairs instead of 5, I’ma puke in the apartment. Plus, 2 packs a day or 6 flights of stairs. I don’t have to be Neil deGrasse Tyson to figure out the maf on that decision.
Also, you KICK down doors in Antarctica, you BUST down doors in Baltimore. There’s a decorum to this sort of thing.
But alright, YOU find a nefarious situation that needs correction. In a temperate climate. With cell phone service. And decent food. Also, toilets.
Go ahead. Pick one. I’ll wait.
I just wanna’ go on a call with SNS. It would start out as simple cat in a tree deal that would wind up being a 6 alarm fire in the warehouse district with me and SNS trapped on the top floor oblivious to the carnage around us as we enter the last phase of a knock down drag out fight about the merits of crunchy versus creamy peanut butter.
What’s your take on iridium plugs versus platinum plugs?
Are you gay, or not?
What is your take on MT-1 versus GL-4? 91 RON?
9 hours later….battalion command office…..
Me, with steak over bruised eye, SNS rubbing jaw, both slumped in seats facing the Cap.
“YOU TWO!?!?! AGAIN!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAT!?!?! WHERE IS THE WHERE HOUSE DISTRICT!?!!”
Me: “Ay, yo, dis scandalous mo-fo started it talkin’ bout dat’ crunchy peanut butter an..”
Commander with eyes bulging
“GET OUT!!!! OUT!!! I DON’T WANT TO SEE EITHER ONE OF YOU FOR 6 WEEKS!!! GET THE F OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!!”
Later…in the unit…..driving back to the station in silence.
Me: “See, cap’n eats dat crunchy peanut butter so it scratches his asshoe on the way out an makes him all cranky…”
SNS slammin on the brakes…
Me “oh sh…”
“…well, Brad said it wuz locked, and he’s the Captain. Or something.”
My attorney just called me and said I should avoid this shit like the plague. What the fuck does he know about Indians and illegal weapons? I’m still in. Captain? Paalease.
Peanut butter gives me the shits every time. Crunchy or not.
^^^^^
Erik jumping out of his black and white upon seeing two firefighters duking it out by the side of the road…
“FUCK ALL YOU PEANUT BUTTER EATING MUTHA FUCKAS!!! YAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mmq2hx0tl0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFa1wno8SyA
We need to all get on the same page. There’s no money in this hero shit. But it’s a great cover for criminal enterprise.
Your beans are shit.
OK Burr, I’m just sayen, there’s no way in hell Erik’s going to be able to wheel and deal with Cochise Jr. I’m mean really, “Hey Injun Pal, does peanut butter make you shit”, ain’t going to cut it when your trying to arm opposition to the FBI, and fight them on our behalf by the way. Blankets and Imodium D are not going to do the trick. Erik, you’re fired.
HAAA!
Erik, LOL.
Excellent point Brad.
A. we sell bibles to Injuns
B. our international swim team is gender neutral
C. I say we let this peanut butter controversy simmer until we can find some outside arbitration. It would make for some interesting chit chat in the jungle. Never know when the dude in front of you will turn around and go off on crunchy peanut butter. Breaks the tension.
D. getting a government contract is not the same as as a free reign to commit acts of grand larceny. Although that line do get blurry sometimes. No official word on the legality of establishing a new religion in third world countries in order to gain a veritable army of fanatics to do your bidding….. kinda’ seems there would be laws on the book…..but go figure. Big stripper ass sized loophole.
E. I’m not in it for the money. It’s a highly competitive market. I just like to collect dry goods, mementos, and crazy ass weapons I can toss in my gun vault like Scrooge McDuck tosses in bags of money.
F. how else are we gonna’ pass on our collective wisdom to future generations if we don’t show em’ how?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKVVkiMIkM0
Oh Ehrwick….
You have to be willing to let go of everything to be truly free.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GHvgnXRhLo
“I’m not in it for the money.”
Oh I am. SNS is going to be to busy doing wind sprints up and down the stairs to sell. We need to look for a new talent pool. Yes, I’ talking about the womenz of IOTW. They’ll git shit done and plant the mental seeds that need to be planted. If you catch my drift. We need eye on the ball types of peeps to bump those numbers up. My people will call your people and let’s set up some meets with MJA, AA, Mary Hatch, and Loco.
I’ma call up Whispers. She get’s ish’ done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WaXgkqtQfA
Burr I’d say she def what were looking for. I’m smelling the money. Think I’ll break out all my Ghost Dance attire tonight. Can’t wait to play F.B.I and Injuns.
I say we pair up Erik and Loco. One of em’ wants to tell highly religious and super warlike tribal Africans that the mother continent sank off the coast of Japan the other one want’s to talk ish’ about peanut butter to Injuns.
P.R. dream team. I say they’re in on all negotiations.
But we do need to get on the same page.
A. the fudge’ are doin’?
B. how can we make money off it?
The eternal questions that have plagued mankind since the dawn of time.
Loco reporting for duty, El Captain…
“. how can we make money off it?”
Come on man, they’re Indians. They know where all the gold is at. And usually they don’t give it up because purely out of coincidence the gold vein is parked right in the middle of their ceremonial burying grounds. Not cool if you’re an Injun. That’s why we need a crack sales team, Disturb your ancient dead for a chance to get even with round white eye. Believe me, this is doable.
“A. the fudge’ are doin’?”
I can help with that.
“B. how can we make money off it?”
Come on man, their Indians. They know where all the Gold is. Unfortunately, and quite coincidentally the gold is always located in the middle of one of their ceremonial burring grounds. Not cool if your an injun. So the hook is, here’s a chance to get even with round white eye. By the way, how you doing on baby formula. You get the idea. It sells itself. It’s time to go get that gold to wage retribution. Even John Wayne like Indians. The Federal Gov. Not so much.
Yo! If we got the Grim Reaper on our team I’m in. I don’t even care what the mission is. Ish’ is gonna’ get sideways for some unfortunate bastards and it’s gonna’ be lit.
“B. how can we make money off it?”
Come on man, their Indians. They know where all the Gold is. Unfortunately, and quite coincidentally the gold is always located in the middle of one of their ceremonial burring grounds. Not cool if your an injun. So the hook is, here’s a chance to get even with round white eye. By the way, how you doing on baby formula. You get the idea. It sells itself. It’s time to go get that gold to wage retribution. Even John Wayne like Indians. The Federal Gov. Not so much much. (cant seem to get this posted, it’s like the FBI is blocking it, 3rd try)
Can’t post on this anymore, being blocked. 4 tries. let see if this goes through.
We have a dissenter on another thread called “Mystery” so keep any treasonous thoughts to yourself bitches…
A crunchy peanut butter advocatin’ scandalous muther fuckah?