California
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re the nature of coyotes. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.
Texas
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.75 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.The buzzards eat the dead coyote.
And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
ht/ Sam S.
You forgot the ending to the California story!
The Govs security agent sues to get his job back claiming gender and racial bias. The trial takes two years cost 300,000 the officer wins her case collects 200,000 in damages plus 250,000 in back pay. The State is then order to rewrite it’s gender and racial discrimination polices costing the state 2 million plus another 5 million to retrain security officers on the new polices.
It’s not only the military husband’s jaw that drops, but mine too whenever that super hunk of burning love comes up on the right side of my screen. She’s eye candy, fudge, caramels, and peppermints combined and it looks like she partook of them all.
Governor Perry, who shot the coyote, is a man, and Governor Brown is (arguably) a man. Who’s “she,” the eye candy?
We had a bookkeeping client back East…basic stuff, weekly checking recon and in-house payroll. I was doing the books and came across a $300 cash payment to one of the part-time female employees, and asked the owner how he wanted it classified.
He tells me the check to “Susan” was to cover the cost of her emergency room treatment and upcoming series of rabies shots. It seems she had gone home one evening and discovered a cute fuzzy raccoon on her deck, staring in through the sliding door. She decided to make friends with it, and it promptly bit her and escaped back out the open cat door it came in from. Because the bite broke the skin and there was no sign of the ‘coon by the time she got to the emergency room, she got the first of a whole series of rabies shots. Her boss felt sorry for her, hence the $300 check, which we expensed to misc. medical.
2 weeks later, I come in to do the books and “Susan” is absent, because the night before, her raccoon showed back up on her deck, peeking in the window again. She decided to let him know she wasn’t mad at him, and of course, it bit her again.
Some people are too stupid to learn the hard way, even with repetition.
WOO HOO!!
BUTT:
were any gay californians harmed or otherwise discriminated against during this operation?!?
What is the humor portion of this post? If anything, the stupidity of our mostly Democrat legislators/politicians is far understated.
Rick did it with a .380. I believe out of an LCP.
Mr efficient. Less lead, still dead.
The funny part is the coyote caught AIDS from the weenie wrangler governor. I know. AIDS ain’t funny. A coyote with AIDS is hilarious!
The pop-up ad of an extremely large woman that typically shows up on the right-hand side of the page.
I burst into uproarious laughter at “The Governor of California.”
Well NOW there is with your post.
OH! Thanks! I see, now. Those things don’t even register with me.