Click Donald for some video of him in action.
Okay, so where was I before I left to buy a skyscraper?
Oh yeah, I was telling it like it is. I was giving you the straight dope that causes everyone to lose their minds. Meanwhile we have people in the middle east actually losing their minds, literally. It can’t be any fun to have your melon roll around in the dirt and you look up and see some guy wearing your shirt and you realize it’s you without a head. And we’re all worried about my tone. It’s crazy, it’s nuts.
Now, did you hear John Kasich jumped into the ring? Question. Who is he? I’m being serious. I don’t know who he is. Was he on M*A*S*H*?
What’s that? Governor of Ohio? Now, there’s a big deal. Mayor McCheese has more to do. What’s in Ohio? Cleveland. They say Detroit is the armpit of America, but as we all know, everyone has two armpits. Am I right, Cleveland?
Rosa De Lauro – I know, I know. Low hanging fruit. Low hanging butt-ugly fruit. I understand De Lauro spends most of her salary on a fancy wardrobe. That’s like putting a tiny easter hat on your carbuncle. It’s amazing. Would you bother putting a car cover on your Yugo? These are the people making decisions for your life. Your life. It’s like trusting Michael J. Fox to cut the green wire. You just shouldn’t do it.
Al Gore, he’s been laying low, but I hear he may run. What a compelling speaker. When he rolls out that Powerpoint I’m actually rooting for Earth’s destruction. Anything to end the misery of listening to the gay robot. I hear his voice and I immediately build a fire in my fireplace, out of spite. All 14 of them at the same time.
Valerie Jarrett? The Iranian Dr. Ruth. What a nasty troll. Somebody didn’t read the note and fed her after midnight. Jarrett and Obama are inseparable. Their periods are synchronized. If you hate Obama you have to hate Jarrett. They’re a package deal, like Siegfied and Roy. Nobody’s ever said,”I like Siegfried, but not so much Roy.” Never happened. You either accept the premise of gay Germans and a white tiger, or it turns you off. Personally, I like Wayne Newton, but not so much lately because he screwed up his face. He looks like a Chinese Mickey Roarke. It’s disturbing.
This has become a full stand-up act BFH!
LOLOLOL
“When he rolls out that Powerpoint I’m actually rooting for Earth’s destruction. “
Oh shit. What the fudge happened to Wayne??? lolol
BFH, if Trump becomes president, however unlikely, I will miss IOTW, because you will be making millions on the comedy circuit! If I were you and I hate to say it…vote for him, it’s in your best interest.
Mitch McConnell – what the hell is that? A turkey and a turtle got together and they hatched a Congress critter? I guess you have to forgive him for having no spine – and the turtle in him wants to play that old shell game. I guess that’s what happens when your gene pool is a vat of Jack Daniels whiskey.
And John Boehner. Three shades more orange than me. As an executive, you need to know when to know the correct shade of the orange: Orange ya gonna have some balls? The man is a crybaby and needs to go.
John Boehner – I still can’t figure out if he’s a weeping Cheeto or a traffic cone. There’s no crying in Congress – the sharks will sense weakness and pounce. His clock has twelve fives on it – it’s always past five in Boehner’s office. He never met a compromise he didn’t like.
You know my old pappy used to tell me “Son, I better not ever find you starting a fight, and I better never find you not finishing one either”. I think Trumps pappy told him the same thing. Don’t call Trump names.
That is good stuff, but I am still laughing at lindsay being “gayer than a picnic basket”. I don’t know when, but I’ll use that one.
Chinese Micky Rourke…hope I can remember that.
And Lindsey Graham? Spends more time hand washing his negligees and underwear than he spends in congress
Boehner thinks that orange is the new black. What the hell, half black worked for Odumbo after all.
What a great sequence. Laughing my head off.
ROFL!!!