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Go here: Wendy Bell Radio
At this time: 2:53:22
iOTWreport.com ©2024 ----- iOTWreport is not responsible for the content of comments. All opinions in comments are solely the commenter's.
Four funny dad jokes from this weeks dad joke calendar. 1 confronted a mime today. He did unspeakable things. 2 What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium. 3 I worked out so hard, the police put me in jail. I was charged with resisting a rest. 4 To what dog do other dogs tell their problems? A complaint Bernard!
HOW OUR TAXES ARE BEING SPENT (a somewhat, sort-of, more-or-less true, over the top exaggeration)
A medical researcher, Dr. Simian Bloatman, has spent 14 years studying germs in various parts of the human body. In a paper published last week in the Health USA Journal of Personal Hygiene, he presented his findings. Dr. Bloatman found that, after examining over 1,000 people, the human mouth has many more germs than any other human orifice, averaging four billion germs per individual. Surprisingly, the human anus was, according to Dr. Bloatman’s research, the cleanest and most germ free of all orifices. Other openings, such as the nostrils and ears, were between the mouth and anus in terms of the number of germs each orifice contained. The only outlier in the statistical study showed that homosexual men have more germs in their anuses than in their mouths. Dr. Bloatman said that more studies will have to be done to determine the cause of higher germs in homosexual men’s anuses. In 2011, Dr. Bloatman received an $8 million grant from the CIA to study the problem. Before receiving the grant, Dr. Bloatman had served as the Chief Medical Officer at the Scranton (PA) State Hospital for The Mentally Insane.
Based on the findings, Dr. Bloatman suggested people stop kissing each other on the lips and instead put their anuses together to express their love. The doctor noted that such a practice might be embarrassing on a first date, where two people traditionally might share a good-night kiss on the lips. But if two people really like each other and want to have future dates with fewer germs, Br. Bloatman strongly suggests they should show their interest by anus touching, especially during flu season.
The practice of anus kissing should also apply when people show their love for a pet dog or cat. Instead of kissing your pet on its mouth, it would “be far healthier to kiss your pet’s anus instead”, according to Dr. Bloatman.
The expression “Kissing Spreads Germs” typically uttered by little boys when they see their older sisters kissing a boyfriend, apparently has modern medical science to back it up.
Did you hear the one about the foreign leader who tried to bully Trump and Vance on their home field?
It was funny.
The Doctor tells his patient, based on the test results, I have bad news and worse news, which do you want first? The patient says give me the bad news first. You have only 24 hours to live. The patient then asks what’s the worse news? I was supposed to tell you yesterday.
Didja hear about the guy who quit his job because he wanted to seek greener pastures?
A week later he died and was buried in GreenLawn Cemetary.
Someone took my anti-depressant pills.
I hope they’re happy.
Entry for historical interest only. This is the first joke I remember as a youngster, and it’s a bad one!
Q. Why did the moron tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
and here’s the 2nd one, also pretty bad. This was circa 1954-55.
Boy: Knock knock!
Girl: Who’s there?
Boy: Cantelope.
Girl: Cantelope who?
Boy: Can’t elope tonight, cuz my daddy broke the ladder.
I rarely play here, but uncle All reminded me of the first joke I learned in the early 60s.
Why do ducks fly south for the winter?
.
.
.
It’s too far to walk.
It’s good for 6 year olds. lol
Really old man with his Doctor.
Doc: I got some bad news and some worse news.
O.M.: Gimme the worst first, Doc.
Doc: You have cancer and you came in too late to do anything about it, you need to get your affairs in order as soon as you can. It may be you only have a week left to live.
The old man sits there for several seconds, smacking his lips together.
O.M.: Gimme the bad news, Doc.
Doc: You have Alzheimer’s.
O.M.: Whew !! Praise the Lord!! At least it isn’t cancer!
A guy goes to the doctor and after a bunch of tests the doc says that he has a rare, incurable fatal disease. The doc says “These pills will help, take one every day for the rest of your life”. The guy looks in the bottle and says “Doc, there’s only four pills in here”. The doc says “I know”.