Bridging Troubled Waters: The Estrogen Convention

This is satire, but it could have actually happened considering these people are progressives.

AT: Every now and then for reasons no one can figure out someone sends me audio tapes and emails meant for Wikileaks. I just got a new batch and I thought you’d like them.

The first series which I got on Monday seems to be from the Convention Planners. I’ve transcribed the audio to save you time.

A. Planning the Convention

UNIDENTIFIED DNC ORGANIZER: First off, messaging on the Wikileaks DNC emails.

Remember it’s the Russians. When they note the hacking started in June, before Trump was on the scene, just answer the Russians. If they ask if these were authentic, still the same answer: the Russians.

It’s not as if the press would concede that anyone could have done it, including anyone at the DNC or even that they’d have printed them had the hacker sent it to them. And for sure the reporters are too dumb to remember the Pentagon Papers.

I realize that by apologizing to Sanders, we authenticated these emails and it hurts Hillary to suggest that our response to Trump’s joke about the Russians telling us what’s in her destroyed emails on her now destroyed servers was treason — because it suggests they weren’t about yoga and wedding plans, but contained government secrets. Water under the bridge now — just say “The Russians” and shake your heads.

I know you’re a bit rattled that on the night before the convention our chairman’s been removed for working with Hillary, but there’s no reason we can’t still make this the best convention ever. I have Debbie’s notes and am working with Hillary’s staff — Here’s the outline.

Now — to the convention

Content — let’s talk content We have to hit these themes: Abortion without restrictions, free stuff — college, healthcare, amnesty, black lives matters, gun confiscation, I mean “control”, Remember “control”, not confiscation. We have to keep guns in the hands of law enforcement. This is tricky when we claim cops are trying to kill back men with their guns, but I know you can work with the speakers to do this.

FIRST STAFFER: Do we do the usual? Flags on stage? Bunting? Salute to the troops?

ORGANIZER: No — I want machines to make white noise to cancel out the hecklers. Lots of white noise machines.

SECOND STAFFER; We have to make this a pitch to blacks, illegal aliens, felons, and women.   MORE