Wanted: Planetary Protection Officer – IOTW Report

Wanted: Planetary Protection Officer

NASA is seeking an individual who would insure that the earth is not contaminated by what may be found out there in space as well as make sure we don’t spoil other planetary objects.  The job is for three years with the possibility of an extension for another five years and pays $187,000 a year plus benefits.

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Isn’t space already an organism killing vacuum, where if the complete lack of atmosphere doesn’t kill all microbes the extremes in temperature, not to mention radiation, should do the trick?

25 Comments on Wanted: Planetary Protection Officer

  1. Let me guess … someone with Soros connections will land this plum?
    Or some illegal alien invading rat-person?
    Or a raghead, who have contributed SO MUCH to space exploration!?

    What a waste of tax dollars.

    “Interstellar distances are God’s quarantine regions.”
    (some dead white sci-fi writer)

    izlamo delenda est …

  2. With all the new tensions with Russia, how’s that going to affect our relationship with travels back and forth to the INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION? Will we have to hitch a ride with NOKO in the future? 🙂

  3. I want that job. If it comes with a badge all the better. If it does not I will buy my own badge. Also, I want a uniform. If the Surgeon General gets a uniform then the Lord God on High who watches over the Heavens and the earth to protect it from space STD’s or collision course comets gets a uniform. With a dress sword and even a dirk in the sock because I’m the guy who protects the freaking Planet!

    With that job I’d be giving press conferences twice daily and 3 times if I’m not gate crashing some school to give lecturers on how I’m preventing another extinction event that killed all the T-Rexes and what not. I’d be cutting in front of lines at the most trendy lunch spots at the peak of business and I would not pay. Why? Those places give regular beat cops free lunch to ensure LEO attendance so they won’t get robbed- well step back buster I’M patrolling the planet!

    What is more, I’d go to my 30th high school reunion and place them all under arrest for “crimes against the planet”. Oh how I want this job… I NEED this job. Where do I apply?

  4. Isn’t space already an organism killing vacuum, where if the complete lack of atmosphere doesn’t kill all microbes the extremes in temperature, not to mention radiation, should do the trick?

    But if a life form exists that can survive in such an extremely harsh environment, we sure as heck don’t want it to get a foothold here on our world. Maybe it makes sense to make a good effort to prevent that. I recommend finding a highly technical genius who happens to be very, very paranoid.

  5. I hear that Kimball Kinnison of the Intergalactic Space Space Patrol AKA The Lensman is available. Don’t blame me for reading too many space operas by EE “Doc” Smith when I was growing up. He’ll be sure to kick all those intergalactic meanies asses all over the universe.

  6. Sounds like a made-up, Sciency job for a disadvantaged minority. They’re going to have to create three of those jobs: One for the black woman, one for the Hispanic woman and one for the Indian woman.

  7. That rather lurid picture could be called Boobs and bug eyed monsters in outer space. Who says that sex doesn’t sell? Many a young boy got his first glimpse of forbidden fruit reading old pulp sci fi magazines with their lurid covers of partially clad outer space babes fleeing from monsters and intergalactic bad guys. HUBBA, HUBBA!

  8. Yeah sure, a Planatary Protection Officer, LOL. No way that can be accomplished. Nope. It’s the kind of job position that could guarantee a space alien pops out of someone’s chest sooner or later. What arrogance and ignorance.

  9. Sounds like a job for… TSA Man!

    No, seriously – what they can’t confiscate or irradiate, they’ll grope the hell out of anyway.

    No self-respecting alien organism will want to face that.

    🙂

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