YES, it’s Florida.
A man told police that he steals pool floats to have sex with them instead of raping women, according to the Palm Bay Police Department.
The City of Palm Bay has been plagued with burglaries during the past seven months. Police say the burglary suspect enters the victim’s pool deck area and steals their pool floats. There have been thirteen cases reported.
On Thursday morning at approximately 1:25 a.m., police stopped a suspicious person who had a large garbage bag full of deflated pool floats.
Christopher William Monnin, 35, admitted to stealing the pool floats, and recently a bacon-shaped one because he has sex with them, the report said.
“Defendant stated that he sexually gratifies himself with the floats and does this instead of raping women,” the officer said.
Police went to Monnin’s home, located at the 1000 block of Starfire Street in Palm Bay, and found approximately 75 pool floats.
The victim of the bacon shaped pool float does wish to pursue charges, according to the affidavit.
ht/ cynic
Poor Pool float
Pool floats are the rape gateway.
35? Holy shit.
Hey, I knew a guy when we were younger that Phucked a Cantaloupe
“The victim of the bacon shaped pool float does wish to pursue charges, according to the affidavit.”
but the victim also doesn’t care to get the float back.
Looking at his photo, I just can’t understand why he would do this. He just looks totally normal. 🙄
And, dammit, bacon is one of my favorite foods! I hope this doesn’t interfere with my enjoyment of bacon, FUR!
Mmmmm, bacon
https://youtu.be/LC-KxY07aVI
.
I’d comment, but can’t stop laughing!
Did he never consider pillows? If a lonely guy want a night of fun, pillows are darned good choice.
I want to rape the bacon one….
{Homer Simpson} UUUMMMMM BACON…
Oh! Thank the Lard!
I saw the picture. I stared at the picture. And all I could think is, “It’s IOTWReport. It must be memelicious. But all I see is bacon.”
He’s filling the floats with perfume? 35 on-hand?
He’s got a gold mine there!
He just might meet up with the wrong pool noodle…
https://www.wthr.com/article/arizona-fire-department-warns-snakes-living-pool-noodles
“My chicken lived…”
Quote from a guitarist of the Jefferson Airplane.
That boy is peeling the tide pods before eating them.
It’s really a cute and uplifting love story when you think of it. Bacon meets Vienna Sausage.
Is that a motorboat I hear in the pool Martha?
If he has the cognizance to be aware of a choice between committing rape and…that, I don’t believe him. If he can choose not to rape, he can certainly choose not to…that. But he chooses to do…it…anyway.
I’d comment, but he’s my brother-in-law.
I think this Story is blown up out of proportion…
Pool floats, huh? I haven’t tried that yet.
That looks more like a Tampon than bacon.
Just sayin.