WFB: Some United States government personnel on official duty in Havana, Cuba have reported feeling a variety of “physical symptoms” following “incidents,” according to a State Department spokesperson.
There are concerns about the safety of these diplomats, and the FBI is currently investigating the matter, CBS Radio News reports. The U.S. responded by asking two Cuban officials in the U.S. to leave the country on May 23.
The State Department has so far not specified what these “incidents” were and what “symptoms” the diplomats were experiencing. more here
SNIP: Since we’re not getting any info, I say we make a game out of this. In the comments, tell me
A. What were the ‘physical symptoms’
B. What was the ‘incident’ that caused the ‘physical symptoms’
Uh oh. I’ve had ‘incidents’. And I’ve had ‘physical symptoms’. Should I run to my doctor???
It burns when IP
My guess:
A. Deep cuts on their arms and legs
B. Chupacabra!!!
A: Conga line dancing
B: Ricky Ricardo recordings
I went to a whore house. Now my dick hurts. No penicillin here. I want to go home to my wife and kids.
A: Nausea, headache, blurred vision, malaise
B: Cuban rum consumption
A. Severe nausea, headache.
B. They were taken to a Beyonce / JayZ concert.
A: Nearly drowning while swimming off the beach B: Being mistaken for a raft by locals headed for Florida
A: Loss of memory, rectal pain
B: Bill Cosby stopped by
A. Uncontrollable laughter, fainting.
B. They found out Michael Moore’s underwear are used as fishing nets.
A: Sense of loneliness, isolation, and dread
B: AirBnB rental at Guantanamo Bay
A: Dizziness, foul taste in mouth, shortness of breath
B: Cuban cigar
A:Flaking skin and gangrenous runny sores on right hand. B: shook hands with Raul.
A: Slurred speech, Tourette’s-like release of expletives
B: Watching Pacino in Scarface too many times (“Fush you, mang!”).
A: Uncontrollable urge to murder peasant families
B: Possessed by the spirit of Che Guevara
A. Bleeding from behind.
B. Taking part in a questionable game called “Be Obama’s Rear Admiral For A Day.”
A: Severe intestinal cramping, projectile vomiting, drenching sweats followed by racking chills, blurred vision, hair loss, loosening teeth, blotchy skin and back erupted with large boils. B: Purchased tourist visa to Havana.
A: Awoke on piss stained mattress with severe back pain.
B: Drugged by Havana Hotel staff and had kidney removed.
A. Inflated ego, cravings for cigars and gastrointestinal disturbances.
B. Castro’s Revenge
Symptoms: Feelings of being stripped naked, rubbed all over with sand paper, smelling enamel fumes, having long fiberglas boards tied to head.
Cause: Reincarnated as ’57 Chevy woodie wagon
Symptoms: radiation sickness
Cause: Cuban Secret Police jabbed our diplomats with folded umbrellas tipped with radioactive polonium pellets.
It was a favorite tactic used by the Soviet Union’s Warsaw Pact secret police underlings to silence critics of the Socialist Paradise.
Symptoms v2.0 – violent case of the runny shits
Cause – buying “Carne de Burro” tacos from an unhygienic, dysentery-plagued street vendor.
A: The sense of being forced to cut sugar cane for 18 hours per day
B: Cuban political imprisonment
Symptoms: Relief, pride, patriotism.
Cause: Returning to the US after being in the communist hellhole of Cuba.
A. Uncontrollable crying fits.
B. Ever since Hillary lost.
Probably the State Dept. is colluding with the Cuban govt. to take out some Trump appointees who are there to close down the embassy.
A: Sudden onset of homosexuality
B: Carmen Miranda
A. Sore anus.
B. Getting raped by Danny Glover’s “Lethal Weapon.”
A. Warm, flushed feeling in torso. Atypical cardiac arrhythmias. Dental restorations producing intermittent static and occasionally picking up the news on the hour at KHAV.
B. Microwave emitters for reading window vibrations turned up too high while eavesdropping.
If you’ve never experienced low frequency sound broadcasts, it can really phuck your body up over time.
Been there, burnt the t’shirt.