Oh, c’mon.
What sort of…
How is…
Where does it han….
Life comes at you pretty fast. One minute you’re just happily going about your day, without a care in the world (if you ignore your kids and your spouse and your job and also the actual world), the next day you pop online and you read a story about a poop knife.
A poop knife.
POOP. KNIFE.
It all started when a user named “LearnedButt” shared a story in the confession section on Reddit entitled: “I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife.”
LearnedButt ain’t pulling punches; he gets off to a quick start: “My family poops big.”
ht/ Dr. Jay
Shit just got real…
My family could only afford a plastic poop knife.
We use a chain saw.
Top Ten of the funniest sh*t I have ever read…
I’m thinking Fraternity Pledge prank?
(Years ago , to enter certain Frat’s you had to get a letter
published in Dear Abby)
In the comment section posted with the article: poop scissors.
Nope, no words.
When we grew up we didn’t have that much to eat.
Never had a need.
But that does explain the Excalibur sword over the lavatory.
Story is funny!
Reminded me of an old commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5E9H_DvwOVc
Makes more sense than waiting for the bowl water and dishwashing soap to soften the turd for flushability.
@KMM: The commercial for the poop knife goes, “My log’s bigger than your log…”.
@Vietvet…..exactly! Haha!!!
Im STUMPED by this one.
“Im STUMPED by this one.”
Sounds like you swung at the wrong thing stumpy. LOL
We only had an outdoor poop knife….
Dude,ever hear of ExLax?
Doesn’t everyone?
We were raised with poop sporks.
Every shit hole needs a poop knife.
No poop knife for me. I poop 3 or 4 times a day, every day. Small, dainty lady like poops. I know some people don’t poop every day but I can imagine going more than half a day without eliminating. I think I would die.
Oh yeah, my chit don’t stink!
36 years plumbing.
No “poop knife.”
We had a 24″ screwdriver with which to break up the biguns.
I worked in the House of Reprehensibles – there were turds bigger around than my forearm (in those days I could bench 300 lbs.).
izlamo delenda est …
Hubby’s family is cheering with redemption. The only time they don’t need a poop knife is at deer camp. Chili every day for lunch and dinner for a week can have that effect on you…
We used shaped charges, C4 etc
I just googled “TMI”, and this thread popped up.
Lord, yes, Brad. This is not even funny.
Just use your really large brownie mixing spoon. Oh? You don’t make brownies?
In other breaking news . . .
You know it’s really big if the lid over the latrine hole won’t close all the way.
Maybe birthing the biggest poop should be an Olympic sport!
This story reminds me of the one about the kid who thought everybody wore a butt plug, because he had to wear one:
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080416190703AADWFlA
Why would you NEED to wear a butt plug?
When it gets stuck I guess you need the poop pliers. Though, that 24″ screwdriver’d probably work better if you need the extra digging leverage.
@Bad_Brad: Because of Satan, silly. Read the story. It’s funny, yet sad.
Vietvet
I did. A little voice in my head kept sayen, don’t do it. But I did it anyway. That’s some seriously screwed up stuff. I was going to say shit, but between this thread and shit hole, I’m just all shitted out.
“My family could only afford a plastic poop knife.”
Luxury.
You need something like that
and you are eating WAY TOO MUCH !!!
fRICKIN’ PIG BASTARDS…….
We used a hatchet. Explains all the extra fixtures.
Is this mostly a problem for “Progressives”, being the biggest assholes and all?
Awe cut the shit already!
I’ve been on construction sites that were so big that when you had to take a dump in the port-a-john you had to take a 2×4 w/ you to scrape off the top because the Honey Wagon hadn’t arrived yet to pump out the shitter
…. no shit! 😉
So, what do they use in Haiti? Oh, wait – they just let it lay on the floor where they left it…
I never heard of a poop knife before. Like the old graffiti on the shitter wall said, Turds over 3 pounds lowered by rope.
Well I have never heard of cutting poops up and I asked my wife and she says that there is a poop
knife at her parents house and it’s been there since the 60’s.
So that’s how they make the cooking brackets in those s@#t hole countries ….
i can only hope and pray all yall are really kidding….
we don’t need no steenkin poop knife round here…….our poops self-detonate………
True story: When I was at JROTC summer camp (Ft. Polk, LA) we had a big fat guy in our barracks who laid one so big it would not flush, even with repeated attempts. Guys were even coming over from other barracks to marvel at the sheer size and density of it. The latrine orderly finally had to break it up with a broomstick to get it to go down.
So yeah, I can kinda believe the poop knife story.
🙂
“latrine orderly”
Jeez dude. Your lying thru your teeth. But I do enjoy it. LOL
Latrine orderly, future turd wrangler. LOL
@Bad_Brad: Latrine orderly (or whatever they called it) was a rotating duty that was assigned on a daily basis, IIRC, sometimes as a punishment. You had to make sure the latrine was clean. (Ever see No Time for Sergeants?) I used to think it was that it was the origin of the term “shit detail” until I got to Nam and found out what one really was.
🙂
OK… We didn’t have a poop knife, but one time my brother laid one out that wouldn’t flush, plunge, ect. while my father wasn’t home. In sheer desperation (we only had one toilet), my mother untwisted a wire coat hanger, broke it up, got the toilet working, and flung the hanger and plunger out the bathroom window.
Dad disposed of the hanger and hosed off the plunger, later. 🙂
Big Fur, ¿Where do you come up with this $h1T? LOL! 😉
Wait, wait, wait, wait…. wait.
So you’re saying…
That some people’s come out SOLID?!!?